Not that I'm skeptical, mind you, but doesn't it seem that each election year, we're expected to digest pretty much the same left-over hash from the last election? I never developed the taste. It is my understanding that mud is not fit for human consumption, nor is it of any proven cosmetic value. Yet for all of it slung, you might think November to be National Truck-and-Tractor Pull Month.
However, if our elections have disintegrated into one of P.T. Barnum's sideshows, it's our own silly fault for allowing it. "The truth will make you free" (John 8:32b). Unfortunately, it may not get you elected. In 1984, Democratic Presidential candidate Walter Mondale admitted frankly that if he were elected, he would raise taxes. Landslide victory for the opposition. Case closed. I think a lot of voters know that they're being taken for a ride, they just want to enjoy the trip.
To get and keep their jobs, politicians have
developed their own brand of double-talk. It is educated, sophisticated,
even Shakespearean - which is to say, "a tale told by an idiot, full of
sound and fury, signifying nothing." (Mac Beth) Politics can be
confusing...as it is intended to be. So, for the benefit of first time
voters, or just in case you were wondering, below is a glossary of current
political catch phrases...and what they really mean:
| When they say: | What they mean is: |
| Bail Out
(Insert name of institution, agency or country) |
Tax increase. |
| Balanced Budget | Tax increase. |
| Budget Crunch | Your budget, not ours. |
Congress
|
Opposite of progress (Gallagher)
|
| Congressional Privilege | You can't touch me. |
| Conservative | Believes in government as "Popeye" (to be called on only
in emergencies...good in a fight, but generally minds his own business).
Spends tax revenues...but feels guilty about it afterwards.
(See Far Right) |
| Constituents | The rabble...(i.e. us). |
| Cost Containment | Don't hold your breath. |
| Deficit Reduction | Not in your lifetime. |
| Deficit Spending | Counterfeiting. |
| Elder Statesman | Can't blast him/her out of office.
(See Term Limits) |
| Election Fraud | Lost election. |
| Entitlements | Tax increase for everyone else.
(See Subsidies) |
| Ethics | I won't tell if you won't. |
| Executive Privilege | (See Congressional Privilege) |
| Fair Share | Say what? |
| Family Values | I value your family's vote.
(See "I believe...") |
| Far Left | Liberals, conservative perspective. Also "Communists," "Pinkos,"
"Populists," "Centrists," "Hippies," "Fellow Travelers," etc...
(Usually applied to groups or nebulous leadership heads. See Moderate) |
| Far Right | Conservatives, liberal perspective. Also "Reactionaries," "Nazis,"
"Pigs," "Fascists," "Racists," "Hate Mongers," etc...
(Usually applied to groups or nebulous leadership heads. See Conservative) |
| Favorite Son/Daughter | Shoe in for re-election...if constituents want government subsidies
and/or contracts to continue.
(See Incumbent) |
| Federal deficit | Einstein couldn't count this high.
(See National Debt) |
| Federal Reserve | Has none. |
| Fiscal Responsibility | Does not apply in Washington, D.C.
(See Deficit Spending, also Congressional Privilege) |
| Gerrymandering | The illegal practice of unnaturally redrawing district lines in order to bias the outcome of future elections for the sole benefit of one candidate, political party, voting block, constituency or special interest group...unless it is called "redistricting." |
| "I believe in family values." | So did Don Corleone.
(See Family Values) |
| "I don't cater to special interests." | "They cater to me." |
| "I'll push for an end to excessive sex and violence in the media..." | "...as soon as Hollywood stops contributing to my election fund." |
| Impeachment, call for | Lost election by a landslide.
(See Recall/Recount) |
| Increased taxes only for the wealthy | "No man's life, liberty or property is safe while Congress is in session." --Will Rogers |
| Incumbent | Up for re-election...again.
(See Elder Statesman) |
| Investing in the Future | Retroactive tax increase. |
| Judicial Reform | Stack the bench. |
| Liberal | Believes in government as "Daddy Warbucks" (a protective adopted
parent with deep pockets). Spends tax revenues with impunity. Term is obsolete;
now referred to as "Moderate."
(See Moderate) |
| Moderate | Politically correct term for "Liberal", especially when appealing
to working people.
(See Far Left) |
| Moral Imperative | Strategic P.R. move. Looks good in print. |
| National Debt | We'll shop 'til you drop. |
| Patriots | Conservatives when appealing to working people and pre-Vietnam era
veterans' groups.
(See Far Right) |
| Platform | Statements forming the framework from which candidates often hang themselves. |
| Political Insider | (See Incumbent) |
| Political Outsider | Challenger of incumbent |
| Political Party | The election year convention, well named. |
| Pork Barrel Spending | They have both feet in the trough.
(Always used in 3rd person). |
| Reactionary | A conservative, liberal perspective as election nears.
(See Far Right) |
| Recall/Recount | Candidate is a sore loser and millions of taxpayer dollars will be spent to soothe a wounded ego. |
| Redistribution of wealth | (See Taxes) |
| Revenue | (See Taxes) |
| Sex and Violence in the Media | Love it.
(See "I'll push...) |
| Socialist | A liberal, conservative perspective as election nears. |
| Social Programs, cost of | Time to pay the piper. |
| Social Security | Welfare. |
| Social Security Reform | (See Entitlements) |
| Staffer | Anonymous scapegoat for campaign screw-up or embarrassing news leak. |
| State of the Union | Don't panic, but... |
| Subsidies | I buy votes, cash in hand.
(See Entitlements, also Ways & Means) |
| Tax-and-Spend | I get goose bumps just thinking about it! |
| Tax Reform | Tax increase. |
| Tax Relief | Unless we need more money. |
| Taxes | Money you and I have worked for, (choose one...taken=conservative, raised=liberal/moderate) to pay for government programs. |
| Term Limits | How dare you use such language, Sir! There are ladies present. |
| Tort Reform | Don't make me laugh. |
| Voter Fraud | A candidate. |
| Ways and Means | Taxes. |
| Welfare Reform | Major tax increase.
(See Subsidies, also Entitlements) |
I once heard it said of a politician, "I know
he's lying. His lips are moving." Just remember the motto of the governor
in The Best Little W...house in Texas, "Oooooh, I love to dance
a little sidestep..."
© Russ Brown, 1998