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| THE STORMING OF CANADA may not be a historical event, but it will certainly be remembered by THESE FABULOUS PEOPLE. |
| who probably shouldn't be given hats - THEY'LL ONLY HURT THEMSELVES. |
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| People. This trip was a landmark event. 1. It was my FIRST BIG GIRL VACATION, on my own, no parents, meeting people I'd NEVER MET BEFORE 3000 miles away - a week long dive into the relatively unknown. And it was FABULOUS. We got there, and V, Missy, and Mark greeted us decked out in Hawaiian shirts so we wouldn't miss them at the airport. It WAS the first time we were all together meeting face to face, but given our insanity, I doubt it would have been hard to find them. We stayed at Missy's that evening, and AJ and I talked until 6 AM, putting me awake for essentially 24 hours with 3 hour jet lag. We watched Withnail and I, and I swear, without a touch of liquor, I matched Withnail bluster for bluster. |
| The next morning, AJ and Missy presented me with my very own butterfly net...which i just realized is MISSING!!! - and AJ challenged me to a duel like the fencing wench she is, which I didn't even pretend to live up to. Amidst this, V showed the Canadians how we do it in america. How we breastfeed, that is, and to plush animals too. This, however was before I knew about that whole kinky craze for stuffed animal lovemaking, which I dont believe V practices, but I'd love her anyway. The American/Canadian distinction is important, because the week was of course peppered with American and Canadian jokes, to see who could one up the other, though after the 2004 election, I think we all have come to accept that AJ and Missy are part of the superior race. |
| During the course of the trip, AJ made us tricolor pancakes - strawberry/blueberry, with whipped cream. V apprehended the whipped cream for sinister purposes, and this photo documents the moment she deemed it representative of the William Michals Anti-Toggery Club (trust me, if you heard the man sing live, you'd join). This breakfast was also the first time us Americans were treated to a phone call from Missy's EUBI mother. The consequences of going to AJ's is that you must partake in the native Canadian sport of hockey, which AJ is a supreme local goalie for. Despite my theatrical roots, I felt I was up for the challenge. Actually, I just got forced into it because Mark got ahold of the video camera before I did. Yes, the moment I picked up a hockey stick is not only documented in this rather intimidating photo, but on video. AJ is pretty good - but I think I gave her a run for her money, especially when she saw my menacing "Fosse" shirt which told her I know all the moves. Upon this day, I spent the rest of the vacation staying at AJ's (we split up, V with Missy, me with AJ) and her parents are swell, especially after I beat their daughter at hockey. Ahem. At some point in the trip as you can see, V again displayed her attraction to the wild and woolly - "The Horse Whisperer" was based on her - This was at a ranch that Missy worked at. I think... I know we didn't go out to hotwire a few mustangs anyway. If we were a group that drank, I wouldn't put it past us, but as it was, that was when I was a straight girl. Well I still am. I mean - okay moving on. |
| Lest you think that The Scarlet Pimpernel did not color our trip OH NO NO NO my friend, you are wrong. It is impossible to put ASIDE Pimpernel because at that point AJ and Missy, best friends as they were, had a relationship similar to that of Percy and Chauvelin - AJ annoyed Missy, and Missy seethed and exploded. All for the enjoyment of present company of course. We also sang Pimpernel songs around the piano, and sang along to soundtracks, and poor V, the non actor/singer of us, endured - and carries blackmailing memories of all of us for years to come. After our domestic hockey game, we actually went down to cheer AJ on in a REAL hockey game, which was documented as well, as you can see, the MESAMIES MEDIA CREW set up in the left photo with Missy on Camera. Though the game was indeed exciting, the viewers DID get a bit antsy. During the course of the game, Mark had a five minute long giggle fit, and climbed up the plexiglass walls like Spider man - I found a rogue hockey puck that I keep in my vanity to remind me of how much I blow at sports even in Canada - and perhaps the most important event of the evening's game was the contemplation of William Michals as a cowboy, and how delightful it would be to have two of him as such. The photo to the left is entitled "Two Williams" as that was my reaction when V introduced the idea. It is hard to tell if I am laughing, crying, embarrassed, or smell funny. |
| Another fun-filled evening included dining at the Rainforest Cafe with the animatronic gorillas and shopping at this large mall type complex. The evening was not without its casualties - it's hard to say who to side with in this fight to the right - AJ's shirt did say "Anything you can do girls can do better", and one can hardly blame Mark for objecting, but was violence really necessary? At this mall type complex, a delightful store stood, called "Butterflies and Buttons" - the title alone appealed to the fop in all of us, particularly because this store happened to have a large supply of WIGS. Thus began my own obession with wigs, and even though each put us out 70 bucks a POP!! (whoa), three of us sultry ladies partook in one, and you can hardly recognize us, can you? HARLOTS! Afterwards, we watched videos and dogsat at Mark's house, or was it his girlfriend's house? All in all it was a successful night, and how can a night NOT end successfully when friends fall asleep on each others butts? HARLOTS! |
| Other jampackedaysoffunness included seeing a local production of Annie, which was at an outdoor theatre - very lovely on a Vancouver summer day. And we visited an ENORMOUS library they have up there and got to see the actual city of Vancouver. We swam in the Pacific ocean though I didn't bring any home to throw in the Atlantic cause that's CORNY, PEOPLE!! And it was freezing. We went to an amusement park and I rode a rollercoaster for the first time and I didn't even throw up on AJ. There we took the famous "5 Friends 5 Guns" photo at the Olde Tyme photo shop, where the photographer molested my leg and we had no shoes. We went to a restaurant called "The Elephants Pub" or something like that, which made for an animal restaurant themed week. We had a photo shoot at AJs to document that we're friends, lest people doubt us. The night before our flight back to America, we stayed up ALL NIGHT and played hide and seek in the dark (I won with hiding under lamp), and watched a soft porn movie that starred Paul McGann which Missy swore wasn't soft porn but there was DEFINITELY bouncing privates. But of course, what truly documents this trip, was what occured one evening in the middle of the week in the house of one Mark's girlfriend. Lest you think we're insane, I let you know that do not think so, my friend - KNOW so, and be jealous. For yes, that night, we did indeed star in the VANCOUVER PREMIERE OF...THE SCARLET PIMPERNEL. |
| Starring AJ as Percival Blakeney ("A cravat is the apotheosis of all neckwear!"), some redhead as Marguerite Blakeney ("London fog is such a bitch on the photography!"), and Missy as Citizen Chauvelin ("I smell your scarf because I LOVE you"). A chair starred as our guillotine, V, who originally refused to act, stole the show as an especially bitchy Robespierre - We doubled the parts of course - Missy played all the effeminate bounders and I all the manly ones. S'true - AND IT IS ALL ON VIDEO. It is a true event. And some bitch said I sing like a cheesy lounge singer, which is a talent I get from my mother according to the man next door to Trattoria Simpatico - JEALOUS? We even managed to perform the all cast daring rescue scene at the guillotine. WE SAVED THOSE INNOCENT PLUSH ANIMALS. Witness our triumph - I believe at this point Mark was Armand, AJ was Percy, Missy was Elton/Ozzy and I was Farliegh/Ben/Hal: |
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| It was possibly the greatest week of my life thus far. I LOVE YOU GUYS, MESAMIES! |
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