"The Pie Man Cummeth" When Bobby first came to me about writing a column for his web site I was flattered but somewhat stumped as what to use for a first topic. I decided to write about my 2 meetings with former Stray Cats bassist, Lee Rocker. While that was certainly a high point in my life, it just somehow didn't seem to pack a lot of punch. I decided to mull it over and see what else came to mind. I sat down at my desk and started doing some spring cleaning on my computer, going through my bookmarks and ditching the lost causes and dead links. I clicked on one of my many self-made folders, this one politely titled "Personal". This innocent looking folder happens to contain links to some scathingly sinful, sometimes bizarre but mostly plain old filthy web sites. No ordinary cheesecake pages, this stuff would make a Times Square hooker blush! As I looked through them, relishing each with childlike glee, I began to think how odd it is that when asked if I have any fetishes I'm always hard pressed to come up with an interesting answer. "The smell of the back of a man's neck" or "soft sheets on my just shaved legs" hardly seem impressive in a world of perversion where things such as "Golden Showers" and "Bondage" tend to illicit a yawn from the jaded erotic connoisseur. At times I feel like a naive virgin living in a world that almost requires one to declare a fetish before being allowed entrance. Yet I'm engrossed with the sexual obsessions of others around me. Many times I have, with great slobbering joy, egged others into telling me their deepest darkest desires. Over the years I've become a bit of a fetish hobbyist and quasi-expert. I suppose I'm a bit of a lonely voyeur in that sense... rarely taking part in things but watching from outside the window with one hand down my pants. Before I got on the internet back in 1995, I thought I knew pretty much all that I needed to know about sex and it's many mysteries, now I find that this electronic community... or perhaps more accurately, the universe's biggest city is where it's all at, baby! It's the shagadelic party that everyone with a modem is invited to. What is considered secretive and forbidden outside my front door is now common place and even required knowledge, once I've logged-on to this bold new frontier. One of the most common fetishes, at least in the BBW (big beautiful woman) community, seems to be the practice of "Domination and submission". If I go into a public chat area on IRC it seems that 4 in 10 men who talk to me end up asking me casually "Are you Dom?", as if they're asking if I take cream in my coffee. I used to find it shocking (although admittedly titillating) as they'd proceed to tell me how they enjoyed everything from mild domination (being bossed around), to the more severe stuff like having a big woman sit on their face, bringing about a sensation of suffocation ("Queening") to being beaten, verbally abused or even having the old "twig and berries" crushed underfoot. Ouch! There was one very cute british man who I talked to several times on IRC in a BBW chat room. He captured my attention with his excessive politeness and almost overbearing, worshipful attention. It was very hard to say "no" to him so several times I gave into him and played his game. He did things (via typing) that he thought might be punishable and flaunted them in front of me, nearly shivering in pleasure each time I'd tell him to stop, then admonish him for being such a "rotten, naughty boy!". Then I began to administer physical punishments when he'd refuse to obey me. I found that I'd gone from just playing along to actually enjoying myself. I didn't get the sexual thrill out of it that he did but enjoyed yelling at someone and saying the cruelest things I could think of without suffering any guilt for my vile behavior. Kind of like no calorie cheesecake! It fed my mean streak and this bothered me but I found it too much fun to stop. I was frighteningly good at this game of wills. I began to see how a chick like myself might get caught up in the power rush of something like that and realized that I could probably be a top notch Dom if I ever choose to pursue it. Submissives are the most common thing that I've run into lately but coming in a close second has to be the "Foot Fetishist". This is not a new or even an unusual fetish, they date back many centuries and are found in most cultures. I've known many and they all have their own little quirks. Some like painted nails, some enjoy watching or actually doing the painting. Some like to see a woman wearing certain shoes, some like a high arch or a very large or very small foot. I ventured into a foot fetish room on IRC recently to talk to the guys about it and look for some links for this article. Once they realized I wasn't in there to ridicule they opened up and were happy to talk to me about the topic. One man telling me "If it has five toes and is naked then I'm happy!" Another telling me that as long as it's bare and attached to a hot woman, he's in heaven. When asked by the guys to show my feet to them I decided to do it and snapped a shot on my web cam. Before I gave them the link to it I forewarned them saying "they're just feet guys.. chubby, stubby lil feet." to which one of them replied, "You saying 'they're just feet' is like saying to a regular hetro male 'you don't want to see a picture of my vagina.. it's JUST a vagina!'" Ok.. point taken! I actually met a man on here once who would foam at the mouth asking me about my feet and would plead and bargain with me for extra time to quiz me after I'd grown bored. His big thing was asking me questions that always involved a combination of the following elements: rubber flip flops, painted toenails, blue jeans, having my toes stepped on, and eventually asking if children had ever stepped on my feet. This is where I *ahem* put my foot down with him. Oh yes... I have to mention my favorite fetishist, the "Fat Fetishist". These men rock my world! I know and love so many of them that it hardly seems a fetish to me so much as a reason to thank God I was born a fat chick. Many people in the BBW community take offense to the word "fetish" being attached to having a desire for big women and instead like to think of it as just a preference. Here again we have many levels, there is the man who is tremendously attracted to plump women and prefers them to the average stick figure. There is the man who thinks life is a huge desert buffet and all women are delicious confections. Some are yummy little bite-size petit fours and some are a triple death by chocolate sundae with whipped cream and a cherry on top, which deserve to be dived into face first. Then there is a what I think of as a true "Fat Fetishist", usually called an "FA" (Fat Admirer). This man feels that the bigger they are the better they are. As one man put it to me, "A big woman has everything that an average woman has but more of it!" Although not always the case, an FA may even be a "Feeder". "Feeders" gets their jollies by bringing huge amounts of the most sinful treats into the home and actually feeding them, by hand to the woman until she is so fat that she can no longer walk or function on her own. Some "Feeders" tell me that watching the expansion of a woman's body, seeing it metamorphosis into something drastically different is where the true turn on is. The finished product is beautiful and erotic to them. Most "Feedees" allow it to happen willingly and are as happy with the outcome as the "Feeder". Some of the more colorful kinky guys that I've had the pleasure of encountering here online have been of the more unusual categories. I once met a man that could only get aroused at the sight or thought of a woman in a wet suit. One wanted to talk in painful detail about straight jackets, both being put into one and putting me into one, "Can you imagine the straps being tightened and the buckles being done up?!". One talked non-stop about me squeezing his head between my thighs til his eyes popped out. One man, who I'd originally met on Prodigy in a BBW chat room resurfaced on IRC several years later. Although I didn't recognize the name at first, I certainly knew who he was the second he started asking me what I can only assume is his standard line of questions. The questioning went something like this : "Do you own a floppy chef's hat?" "If you DID own one would you please wear it for me?" "Have you ever thrown a pie in someone's face?" "If you ever did throw a pie in someone's face did you grind it in really hard?" "Can you just for a minute imagine you and me in a big room full of pies... hundreds,, maybe thousands of pies. You're standing there in a floppy chef's hat and I'm there and you start throwing pies at me?!" "PLEASE would you PLEASE throw pies at me while wearing the floppy chef's hat?!" The man could NOT understand why this failed to launch me into the throws of passion and seemed genuinely hurt that I could not share in this fantasy. I finally had to admit to him that the thought of actually EATING the pies was far more erotic to me than the thought of wasting them on his face. Officially this would be considered part of the "Messy Fetish", which can include merely playing in or having sex in any messy, goopy, squishy, sloppy, drippy substance. Then there's a good cyber friend of mine, a young man, handsome, smart, major babe magnet. He's got a thing for gasmasks. He likes the feeling of trying to breath with one on, the smell of it, the way it looks on him. I flat out asked him recently "Do you get a boner when you wear it?" He chuckled and said "Yes I actually get a boner when I wear it." I feel neglectful for not devoting some time here for some of his other fetishes, he's the type that loathes and rejects normalcy. If it ain't weird then it ain't worth doing. That's my boi! Some people enjoy "Urethral Play". I've heard tales of women taking part in this but it seems to be a male dominated kink. It's pretty much what it sounds like. The insertion of objects into the urethra. There are special smooth devices made just for this purpose called "Prince's Wand". These are often used like a tuning fork to feed sound waves into the urethra, this is called "Sounding". There are the more adventuresome who try everything from Bic pens (a man did this for me on his web cam one night) to fingers, large 10 penny nails, flower stems, screw drivers and even gummy fishing worms. If it CAN go in then it's fair play for lovers of "Urethral Play". My all time favorite insertion trick, and one that most of my male friends are sick of hearing me talk about, was something I found on a web site many moons ago. Was a man who inserted all manner of things but his neatest trick was shoving 4 or 5 green Tic Tacs in, masturbating then jettisoning the partially melted candy in a stream of green tinted jizz. Mmmmm... minty! While skulking around the web I've been delighted to learn of more and more weird and wacky, sexual obsessions. One of the most puzzling to me are the "Looners" who are very aroused by balloons. Yes.. those big rubber blow up things that one associates with birthday parties, circuses, carnivals etc. As wholesome and innocent as it gets right? Well.. not if you're a Looner, if you're a "Looner" then they become objects of moist, sticky desire. These people seem to be mostly gay men and straight women. From what I can tell the women tend to enjoy smaller "party-sized" balloons that can be tucked between their legs while the gents prefer very large balloons which can support their weight, although there are always exceptions to this. The men will lay on them, sometimes pushing their hard penises into the rubber, not popping them but just enjoying the sensation and pressure as the rubber of the balloon yields to them. The actual popping of the balloon brings a great deal of satisfaction to some "Looners" too, often called "Poppers". Hey... who am I to judge? This has to be one of the cutest and least threatening of the fetishes! Brings entirely new meanings to "blow job" and "wearing a rubber" Speaking of cute fetishes, although I haven't ever met one, there's a rather large community of people who are into "Plushies". At first when I began noticing this phrase in newsgroups and such I thought it referred to BBW but soon learned that "Plushie" is another word for a stuffed toy. Yup! These folks hump stuffed animals! As with any fetish, they have favorites and can be very picky. From what I've found out about it, the all time most popular stuffed toy for your masturbating pleasure is the raccoon from Disney's "Pocahontas", Meeko. He sits in a welcoming fashion with arms and legs outstretched and has a nice fuzzy tummy. It is also said that this raccoon is very much in demand and was released in a limited quantity so if you have one of them lying about, you might consider putting him up on Ebay and maybe you can sell him to a "Plushy" perv who's spooged on their old Meeko a few too many times. The list goes on and on: long hair, hairy women, scat (ewww), sneezing, inflatable clothing, smoking, watching someone sleep, latex clothing, genital torture and modification, and on and on into infinity. I'm endlessly intrigued by these people and their unusual desires. It makes the world a little more interesting to live in and I say "Viva La Fetishists!" |
