me

Well for those of you who really want to know, this page will let you know a little bit about me. You may think my life is boring, or you may agree with me. I think my life is hell, but that could just be me. For starters, my name is Emily, and I was born and raised in Austin, Texas. I've lived here my entire life. I have an older sister, too. We used to be really close, but now things are a little rough between us. My parents got divorced when I was three.

Roughly around that same time, I was abused while in day care, which the doctor's think is where my DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) comes from.

My life was pretty boring for a while. No big problems or trouble that I can remember. But that's not saying much. I can't remember anything before fifth grade. My mom, sister and I moved in the middle of my fifth grade year. We moved out of the house I'd lived in for ten years because my mom didn't want my sister to go to the area high school or me to go to the area middle school, because of the crime rates and other students that go there.

I ended up going to Westview Middle School. It was okay, and I met two of my favorite teachers. Mr. Koonz and Mrs. Carson had a huge impact on my life. They both inspired me to keep doing what I was doing and just live life one day at a time.

For high school, I went to Connally High School. Freshman year was a nightmare. To be honest, I barely made it through. This was the year that I started cutting and attempted to kill myself for the first time.. I cut until sophomore year, when I met Mrs. Calvert. She showed she cared about her students and unknowingly got me to stop cutting.

I had alot of trouble in high school with a social phobia. I couldn't talk if there were more than three or four people in the room, so talking in class was kinda out of the question. I had trouble with this until I got in Ms. Smith's English 3 class. Ms. Smith was amazing, and helped me get over my phobia. Junior year, I had Mrs. Carson again when I took Psychology.

WARNING!
Some of what is written here may be triggering. I am going to mention self injury and abuse, so if you are not in a place to read this right now, I would suggest that you come back later. My life hasn't been the best, and I'm about to give you a look into my life. I want other people to understand that self injury is a bigger problem than people would lead you to believe. I just want people to know that they aren't alone, no matter what their problems are. I've got my own problems and I am still dealing with them. Before I go into my life story, I would just like to say that if you have any questions, or if you need to talk, feel free to email me.

Last Updated 12/20/04

Pictures of Me

During my junior year in high school, I also met a boy that would soon become my boyfriend, if you can call it that. We flirted, and officially started going out during the summer between junior and senior year. During the summer, he became abusive and would force me to have sex with him even if it meant tying me up or knocking me out. He threatened me and my family, and I thought that the only way out would be to kill myself. I tried and failed, luckily. He broke up with me at the homecoming dance that fall.

In the Spring of 2001, i had Mrs. Smith again, which was one of the most important things in my life. I didn't realize how much she would mean to me, until senior year. I had her for speech and this is where I met my best friend Nyki. (She went by Heather back then.) Mrs. Smith paired the two of us together, and we became really good friends.If it weren't for Mrs. Smith and Nyki, I would have killed myself or started cutting again but they kept me from doing it, without even knowing what I had gone through. They just knew I was quiet. That boyfriend broke up with me and moved to his next conquest and I made it through the rest of high school without any problems.

I enrolled at the University of Texas, majoring in Psychology. I plan to go into a masters program for social work. I want to work in a hospital atmosphere or doing individual therapy. I'm still very good friends with Nyki, and have alot of friends at University Presbyterian Church.

I started cutting again in March of 2003, after the death of my aunt.
She was like a mother to me and I don't know if I will ever get over losing her.

In the summer of 2003, I started freaking out and ending up attempting suicide, and being admitted at Seton Shoal Creek Psychiatric Hospital. I was in that hospital off and on throughout the summer and into October, when I finally got a handle on the suicidal stuff.

I've been trying to quit cutting, but it is an everyday struggle. I had made it over 100 days with only two minor slips, but I recently gave into the urges many times. I still want to quit, but I don't know if I can anymore. I'm going to keep trying. That's all I can really do, right?

I moved out of my mother's house over the summer of 2004. We had a hard time coming up with money for bills and had to move a couple times, but we made it. It only lasted about 2 months, but it was worth it. My mom and I get along alot better now than we ever have.

I moved back home so that I could concentrate on school. I started back on the 25th of August, but I had a really hard time getting back into the swing of things. I had been dissociating and having panic attacks practically non-stop. I have also started cutting regularly again, and on Thursday the 2nd of September I had a major episode, and had to be admitted into Shoal Creek on Friday. I got out on Sunday, the 5th. Deep down, I think I got out too soon....

I was in and out of the hospital a few times, and did the outpatient program, but now I am out on my own. I also had to get a medical withdrawl from school, because I couldn't handle going to schol and having to go to the hospital all the time.

I am planning on finishing school, I just don't know how long it is going to take. The one thing I want more than anything, is to be able to hold down a good job, and be able to support myself, without having to rely on anyone else.

Right now I am planning on starting back to school in the Spring of 2006.