her_wish

Her Wish

and the music played,
she's sitting in the diner,
gets out her last cigarette,
the lucky,
she makes her wish, as she lights the cigarette
and smokes on alone,
she sits and thinks,
pondering what will happen when she gets home,
whether mom will be awake,
whether she will say hi or goodnite,
she sits and pictures,
how the night will go,
she pictures the razors and the pills,
she can see the blood in her mind,
she can count the pills in her head,
she stands up, pays the bill and leaves a tip,
walks out to her car,
the night is gorgeous,
the stars are bright,
and the moon is invisible,
a new moon,
the beginning,
making things new,
she gets in the car and starts the engine,
she sits to think,
should she go home or just drive until she dies,
should she really do this,
she makes up her mind and heads home,
driving down the freeway,
oblivious to the other people,
her world had caved in,
and she couldn't see through the dusty fog,
she pulls into the garage,
the last time she will enter her own, private hell,
she walks to her room,
she got a job to do,
she takes out the razors,
and slices her arms and legs,
like the turkey at Thanksgiving,
she watches the blood,
flowing like a river,
puddling on the sheets,
like the rain after a storm,
she gets the pills, and a drink,
dismissing the drop of blood on the floor,
she walks back to her bed,
and opens the first bottle, Zoloft,
downs them all with one swig,
and the dext ones,
Ativan, Risperidal, Lithium,
Norvasc, Vicodin,
all down, only one left,
Trazadone,
downs them all,
she lies down in bed and waits,
waits for the sleep to come,
the eternal sleep,
the sleep she has longed for for so long,
it comes soon, and its over,
she's finally at peace,
her wish came true.

This was written on 8/7/03.