frozen

Frozen

She wants to scream,
yell,
say no,
say something.
But she can't.
Her throat is frozen.
He's holding her hands
above her.
He's pinned her
against the bed.
"Scream
and you'll regret it."
"Say a word,
and I'll kill you."
" You know you want it."
He unzips her pants,
and down they go.
Next to go are his.
"You know you want it."
NNNOOOOOOOO!!!!
the voice inside her head
SCREAMS,
but her voice is frozen
inside her chest.
Is he serious?
Will he kill me?
Will this hurt?
She feels his hardness
against her abdomen.
I thought he loved me.
I this how love is?
Her underwear flies
over his shoulder.
His hand still grasps
her wrists.
No matter how much
she struggles,
she can't get free.
His skin presses
against hers.
She can feel him
at her opening.
Then,
PAIN!
Like nothing
she's ever felt.
PAIN!
It goes on forever,
and only lasts
an instant
Will it ever end?
Will he ever stop?
She shutters,
and she's gone,
gone to the lake.
She can still feel him,
smell him,
see him,
but it's like a bad dream.
She longs for it to end,
but it goes on forever.
Then,
as quickly as she left,
she's back;
Back in the real world.
He's standing over her.
Getting dressed.
He grabs her arm,
and pulls her t oher feet,
and falls into a huddled mess,
on the floor.
"Remember what I said."
And POOF!
He's gone.
She's alone.
Hospital,
must get to the hospital
No! Remember!
He'll KILL you!
Must tell someone!
He'll KILL you!
He's supposed to love me.
Was that LOVE?
She sits,
crying.
She doesn't tell a soul.
She take his words to heart.
She stops speaking,
only when necessary.
To throw others off the scent.
She mumbles to her mom
about falling,
to explain the bruises.
Her mom falls for it.
She mumbles to the teachers.
Her homework is late,
her grades are falling.
She wants to die.
He waits for her
after class.
He walkes her to her locker,
the eprfact gentleman.
She thinks of death often,
but she just wants to go away.
Far, far away.
He takes her home.
Her mother is gone.
He follows her inside;
grabs her waist,
throws her down,
pounds into her.
PAIN!
It's happening again,
SCREAM damnit! she tells herself.
She screams.
He punches her.
"I told you you'd regret it.
He may have cracked her ribs.
He punches her again,
this time on her chin.
Then he leaves.
He was serious!
The next morning,
the bruises are bright as day.
She wraps an ace bandage
around her ribs,
and puts makeup on her chin.
It doesn't cover the bruise all the way.
How am I going to
explain this time?
The "I fell" excuse
is getting old.
She decides
not to talk
at all.
She avoids her friends,
goes to her locker,
grabs her books,
and goes to class.
The teacher stares at her face,
searching,
for something,
anything,
in the way of explanation.
Nothing.
The bell rings,
and she's up,
and headed for the door.
But she hears her name.
She turns,
and there's her teacher,
staring her in the face.
"What happened here?"
She points to her chin.
Nothing in response.
"Come with me."
She follows the woman.
Straight to the nurse.
"Clean off your makeup, please."
She hands her a towel.
The girl does as she's told.
And there it is,
bright as day.
The bruise of a lifetime.
"What happened?"
"I fell."
"Seriously?"
"Yes ma'am."
"You 'fall' alot?"
"Yes ma'am."
The tone is indescribable.
She knows...
She knows...
She knows!!!
But waht can she do?
I refuse to talk. she thinks to herself.
"Here's a pass,
go to class."
She stops by the restroom,
and puts more makeup on.
"At least the didn't
search
for more
bruises.
They would have found plenty.
Enough to answer their question.
Her teacher watches for more "falls",
and watches her with him.
She knows...
but she can't do anything.
It would get worse,
and they both know it.
So the teacher watches her
cringe,
and limp,
and not speak,
for weeks.
"You can tell me if anything is wrong."
No I can't.
But she just nods,
and leaves.
Then,
one day,
he hits her on the cheek.
She can't hide this one,
from prying eyes.
She stays home from school,
three days in a row.
Her mom doesn't notice the bruise.
She covers it,
and goes t oschool on Monday.
Avoids her friends,
and goes to class.
She hands the absent note
to the teacher.
She knows...
it's a lie.
But there's her mom's signature.
She can't do a thing.
The bell rings,
She hears her name.
The teacher walks over,
and hands her a paper.
It says,
"Is he hurting you?"
She begins to cry,
but refuses to answer.
Another trip to the nurse.
"Take off the makeup."
She does as she's told.
They look at her,
and they know...
She didn't fall this time.
She continues to cry.
"We can call the cops,
but you'll have to tell them."
"NO!!!" she wails.
"He'll kill me"
That's all they needed.
They left her alone.
Then that Friday,
at the homecoming dance,
he says, "It's over."
She cries tears of joy.
Come Monday,
she's smiling,
as she walks into the classroom.
The teacher pulls her into the hall,
"He broke up with me!"
she exclaims.
"We can still call the cops."
"Don't you see, it's over.
I'm free."
He had raped her
and beaten her countless times,
but no0w,
it's over.
She's not frozen
anymore.

I wish it were that simple, but it's not. I'm still frozen with fear that he will come back. This poem took over an hour to write. There is some artistic freedom in this poem, but for the most part, it's true. Except for a few facts.

Thanks for Mack, Lucky and Ellie for helping me with this poem. Couldn't of done it without you. (For those of you who don't know, the three of them are three of my other personalities.