Secrets and Goodbyes

Written by Christie Ambert

©2000

Chapter 1

The room was white and had the usual ethyl alcohol smell that usually hospitals had. The room was decorated with hearts and bouquets of yellow roses in every corner. A few stuffed animals sat next to the bed, along with an old version of the Bible and a small radio. The beeping sound of the heart monitor and a respirator flooded the room.

Her eyes were opened. She was staring at the white wall in front of her, it was difficult to breathe and she hoped that he would make it to the hospital in time. She wanted to let go of her life and move on to what was after there was no more breath of life in her body. The beeping sounds were driving her crazy, she never wanted to depend on anything in order to live but this time she was holding on to that last breath as soon as she would see his face, she could die happy knowing he was by her side.

A loud noise interrupted her peaceful stare and there he was, catching his breath with tears rolling down his cheeks. He wore the same, baggy pants, the same sweater and the same baseball cap. He pulled out a portable CD player and headphones from his backpack and put them on for her. It was her song, Here and Now. It was his voice, he gave her peace. She gave him a weak smile, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes. A minute later, the heart monitor went flat. There was a code blue in the hospital and a few doctors and nurses came in and tried to resuscitate her but she was gone.

"I'm sorry sir but we did everything we could." The young doctor said. He padded the young man's back and left him standing there with an unsatisfied heart. He could've done more for her but now it was no time for regrets, life goes on.

He walked towards the nearest exit and sighed loudly when he saw her family with a questioning look. He walked toward her mother, they truly did look a lot alike but she behaved differently, he thought.

"Josh?" The woman asked. She was 51 years old but you could never tell. She took really good care of herself. She was wearing a simple pair of jeans and a green blouse with some sandals. Her make up looked all runny like she had been crying and she was clinging to her husband who looked like a frighten child and he was about to tell them the worst news he had ever delivered to anyone.

"I'm…so sorry." Was all he could say before breaking down and sobbing uncontrollably. Noticing how affected he was by the turn of events, his friend James stood up and hugged him, silently reassuring him that everything was going to be ok.

Mr. and Mrs. Griffin both stood there hugging each other and crying over their daughter. Her three sisters silently cried the loss of their sister. Questions were silently asked and no one would dare answer them.

"Is there anything I can do Mrs. Griffin?" James asked. James was born and raised in Mississippi he had a strong southern accent and the southern manners to go along with it. He was blonde, with green eyes and nice smile.

"Thank you James. Can you take Josh home? I don’t want him driving in his condition." Mrs. Griffin said as she wiped her tears away and regained her composure.

"Mr. Griffin I just wanted to say that you had a wonderful daughter and she will be missed." James said as he hugged both of them comfortingly.

"Thank you James." Mr. Griffin replied quietly as he took a handkerchief from his pocket and dried his tears.

James took Josh by the arm and they left the hospital that Christine had been confined to for several months now. James opened the door to Josh's jeep and turned the car on. Josh sat there tears running freely from his blue eyes. He said nothing. James was afraid of his silence but at the same time loosing your best friend was something he experience early on in life and he knew what he was going through.

"When you feel ready to talk about it let me know." James said turning the radio on and settling on a country music station. Josh frown and looked out the window as they drove to his house. Life was about changes and moving on but could he do that without loosing the little bit of sanity he had left? That was a good question he would have to search really hard for an answer.

How do I live by Trisha Yearwood came on the radio. He looked at James and he contemplated that very same truth that he would have to accept sooner or later. A few miles later and more depressing song, they arrived to Josh’s house. He opened the door and walked directly to the bathroom. James followed him curiously. He had a blank expression on his face and you could easily tell he was still in shock. Josh opened the bathroom door and got in the shower with his clothes on and turned on the water as cold as possible. He stood there hoping that the pain would go away. It had to wash away the sadness, the tears, the sorrow. James understood what his friend was going through but at the same time he knew that this situation could either make him stronger or destroy him. He hoped that his friend Josh would come out a stronger person.

An hour later, Josh got out of the shower and took off his wet clothes. He walked to his room and had a few people watching his every move; they waited for a reaction but got none. He locked his room’s door. He grabbed a clean shirt and cargo pants and some boxers and began getting dress. He needed sleep, he needed to get away, he needed one more day with her. Sometimes what we want aint what we need, the saying said and he remembered that too well when he saw pictures of them together in his room. She was one person out of a million that remained genuine till the end. She never judged him and she never expected anything from him. He loved that about her and that’s why he always came back to see her the look on her face was just priceless that was pure joy, pure love. He grabbed his carryon and packed a few things, he had to get away. He needed to remember and he needed to forget. That’s when his cell phone rang.

“How is she?” The familiar female voice asked.

“She’s…gone.” He regretted telling her because he knew how she would react.

“Tell me you’re kidding Josh.” Vicki said as her eyes filled with tears. He sighed loudly as he tried to regain his composure.

“I wish I was Vicki.” He said closing the zipper on his carryon and grabbing a few more things he would need.

“I’m on the next flight out to Florida. Are you gonna be ok?” She asked.

“I’ll be ok. Like she always said I will survive I’ll make it through. I just need to learn to live without her.” HE said as another tear betrayed him and rolled down his cheek.

“I’ll call you when I get there. I’ll call the other girls and let them know. It’s a sad day, Red is gone.” She said as she sniffled. She grabbed a tissue and wiped away the tears and blew her nose softly.

“Yeah Red’s gone. I have to go. Call me when you get here.” He said to her.

“I will by Jace.” She hung up her phone and cried for a while before sending the email that was about to shock a lot of people. She opened her laptop and logged on. She entered her password between sniffles and tears. She hit the compose link from her email and searched for the email address that would let the whole world know the news.

~I just got off the phone, I was talking to Josh and he informed me that Christine better known to us as Red passed away earlier today. She was working trying to raise money for AIDS charities and in the process she discovered that she was a victim herself. Another angel goes back to heaven. I’m sure we’ll meet again in another life. I’ll email the arrangements for the funeral later on. Love Vicki.~

He began thinking about when they first met and that made him smile. She had changed his views on life and she had overall changed his life for good. After he met her he never took things for granted, life was precious.

“Rocio what the hell are you trying to pull?” Christine yelled through her phone. She ran her hands through her reddish brown hair. She pulled down her shirt nervously trying to calm herself down a bit.

“I gave him your email address. Come on Red, he’s the type of guy you would love to go out with. He’s funny, smart, CREATIVE and determined to win your heart. Plus I might want to add that he’s mighty fine.” Rocio said looking at her freshly manicured nails.

“This guy can be a stalker for all I know. I don’t have time for this Ro and you know it! I hate blind dates.” She said looking over some papers.

“Give him a break. He’s perfect for you.” Her friend assured her. She laughed sarcastically and rolled her eyes.

“That’s what you said about the last three blind dates you’ve set up for me. Give it up Ro!” She said settling in her black couch and taking a sip of her tea.

“Give it up and let me love you! You knew I couldn’t resist.” Rocio laughed when she heard Christine groan.

“Whatever stop setting me up ok? Or I’ll make sure Joe Mac gets a tape of you running his song.” She said hanging up her phone.

“Unbelievable.” Rocio said picking up her phone and calling Josh. The phone rang a few times when a sleepy voice picked it up.

“Yeah?” The male voice answered.

“Did I wake you?” Rocio asked.

“You did…what’s up?” Josh shifted into a more comfortable position hoping the call was quick so he could drift right back into dreamland.

“Well I talked to Christine today and I just wanted to warn you. She wasn’t that thrilled about you having her email address but she’ll get over it. Did…you email her?” She asked hoping he had.

“I did last night and I got her response this morning.” He responded as he rubbed his temples. Not giving her enough information to satisfy her but enough to drive her insane,

“And?” She asked.

“Ro I know you’re trying to be a good friend here but…” He began saying but she cut him off.

“Was her response positive at all?” She asked. He sighed in frustration.

“Oh yeah positive. She positively said that you would be snooping around I just lost $50 to your friend thanks a lot.” He chuckled as he heard her gasp.

“I can’t believe…oh that girl’s life is over!” Rocio had to smile. Christine never made a bet she couldn’t loose.

“But rest assure little Rocio drop, we cant go out this week she’s doing her charity thing and I’ve got charity events this week as well. You know AIDS awareness week and all.” He said as he yawned loudly.

“Go back to hibernation my freaky friend. Call me and let me know how things go. Love ya Joshie.” She said waiting for his reaction.

“Don’t call me Joshie or I’ll lock you up in a room with Chris for 24 hours.” He said victoriously.

“Oh please don’t. Bye Josh.” She said hanging up the phone and smiling.

“He wouldn’t do that or would he?” She turned away and grabbed her organic chemistry book.

~*Chapter 2*~

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