*****

His nails dug in deep, but not deep enough. He wished he had a knife.

Four semi-circles were etched into his wrist as he finally let go. Right above the veins, that one precious line flowing with life. Alway there to see. Sometimes it was blue, but more often green. Always there, throbbing, pulsating, teasing. Like a worm crawling just beneath the skin.

It wasn't real pain. But it was a pain he could not only feel, but see as well. It wasn't hidden somewhere deep inside of him. A raging nameless creature eating him up from the inside of his shell.

No, it was not like that.

This was his. What he could see, what he could control.

Keeping the scars on his soul from stop bleeding again, by adding one more on his arm. Another pink line that would fade to white as time passed by.

Another drop of blood instead of a single salty teardrop.

But nails was never good for that.

He still wished he had a knife.

*****

Wufei's Altron Gundam, Nataku, stood tall and silent right where the pilot had set it down to the ground.

Wufei himself stood in the shadows, gazing up at his comrade in arms.

He saw him tense, the sound of someone elses presence must have alerted him. The white sleeves fell down over his arms, and he turned, slowly.

"What do you want, Trowa?" Wufei asked him.

Only the light footsteps of the Heavyarms's pilot filled the air as he slowly closed the distance between the two of them.

"None of us wants to do this," he said.

Wufei said nothing, just kept staring up at his Nataku.

"They're not needed anymore," Trowa continued, "the war is over. We're on the edge of stepping into the age of pacifism, and our gundams might be a threat to that. People are abandoning their weapons, both on Earth and on the colonies. We have to, too. Let's face it, the gundams are nothing but weapons, therefor we have to eliminate them."

Trowa could see Wufei's fingers dig into his arm.

"If they are useless in this new world we are going to live in," Wufei began, "then it must mean we, all of the soldiers that fought in the war, are useless, too. For there can be no need for soldiers in a time of total pacifism, can it?"

"There are other things we can do. Everything isn't about fighting."

Wufei shrugged, it wasn't a shrug of someone not caring, just fatigued and it reflected in his voice. "I have got nothing to go back to."

"A lot of people have nothing to return to, it's not only you."Trowa smirked, just a little, being careful not to offend Wufei in any way. "You know, Wufei, pitying oneself is a sign of weakness, or so I heard someone say once, at least."

Wufei smiled, one of those rare smiles that always seemed to send a wave of fire through his body.

"For once, Trowa, you are wiser than me."

"Well, as much as you keep babbeling on about justice and weakness something is bound to get stuck in here," he tapped his index finger against his forehead.

"It is rather nice when peole quote you correctly though." Wufei seemed more relaxed now, his body turned towards the other boy, instead of standing with his back against him, staring up at his gundam.

Trowa widened his eyes a little. "Sef-pitying and gloating all in one day. You do surprise me sometimes Wufei."

"Learn to quit while you're ahead, alright."

Trowa turned to leave, looking over his shoulder, meeting Wufei's dark eyes.

"Are you coming?"

Wufei shook his head. "I think I'll stay a little longer."

"Ok," his shoulders rose and fell as he sighed. "See you later?"

"Maybe."

*****

A metallic echo filled the corridore he was walking down. No one else, just him. Nothing but emptiness. Nothing but loneliness.

Before the war he'd known who he was, what he wanted to be. But he was different now. Maybe obtaining wisdom from a book, putting it down on paper, wasn't enough anymore.

Maybe being alone wasn't enough anymore.

During the war they had all fought to reach the same dream. Even if he'd always thought of himself as standing apart from the rest of the group, he'd still felt connected to the four other pilots.

Not that he'd ever tell them, though.

But he was no longer needed. None of them where.

And all that was left was the emtiness that seemed to fill him, only his skin and blood vessels keeping it from bursting through his body.

Send them into the sun.

He stopped infront of a door, his knuckles touching the metalsurface.

Pain.

Brief but clear.

It slid away from him as the door was opened.

"May I come in?" he asked.

"Sure," Trowa stepped aside and let him into his room.

Wufei stopped in the middle of the room.

"You want to send them into the sun." It was more of a statement than a question.

Did he only come to fight?

"Yes."

Wufei nodded. "That would be an effective way of eliminating the gundams."

Trowa turned off the TV that had been on and sat down on the couch. "You are not mad at me?"

"Of course not. It's a good idea. It makes sense. And I must say it certainly seems like the best way."

"You're going to do it then?" Trowa pulled one leg up under the other.

"I don't know," Wufei confessed silently. "But I didn't come here to talk about that."

Trowa smiled, not looking directly at the other pilot, but rather on the dark TV. Wufei walked over to him, placing one hand on his shoulder and lifting his chin with his other, tipping his head back. Trowas hair fell out of his face as Wufei claimed his lips for one brief, gentle kiss. A touch of lips that was so familiar to both of them. A sensation mixed with anticipation for what was to come but still left a bittersweet aftertaste as their lips parted, a reminder of the inevitable ending.

*****

It felt good being back in the arms of his ex-lover.

He recognized the soft palms running over his body. Gentle and teasing, at times even demanding. He gladly let the warmth of the other body embrace him.

He reached up and tangled his fingers in the ebony hair, pulling Wufei's face close to his for another kiss.

The dark hair had escaped it's usual restrain, hanging wild and damp on both of their faces as Wufei moved above him. He brushed the hair away, to short to go behind the shoulders, just enough to go behind the ears. But one hand lingered just little past the temple, fingers caught up in black strands. Trowa pulled down the head to rest on his shoulder as Wufei made the final thrust, both of them letting a gasp slip.

They lay there, panting. Wufei's short, shallow breaths cool against the skin of the Trowa's neck.

It didn't take long before they eyelids started getting heavy.

Wufei rolled off the other's body, laying on his side, but still pressed closed to the other. Trowa threw his arms around him, holding him thight like that. All through the night.

*****

He was sitting inside of Nataku. It was bright, so much brighter than anything else.

And the heat, such an unbareable heat.

All systems were down.

There was only one way to go.

No return.

Into the fire.

Into the sun.

If it weren't for the arms around him he would have sat straight up in the bed. Instead he just jumped a little, nothing more than a flinch and a gasp, but enough to wake Trowa.

"Bad dream?"

He could feel Trowa press his lips to his shoulder in one last, sweet kiss.

"Yeah."

Wufei sat up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. "I should go." He ignored the fingers trailing down his back and stood up. He pulled on his pants and shirt, drawing his hair back and pulling it up with the usual piece of leather band.

"Wufei..."

"I should go," he repeated.

Trowa silently watched as Wufei once more walked out from his life.

But it was not for good.

It never was.

*****

Phew, my first Gundam fic. That felt really weird. I never imagined myself writing Gundam stuff. But I think I'm hooked now. Wufei... and Trowa, who could ever resist them?