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Haunt Me
the deeper I spin He knew the man beside him wasn't really sleeping, he'd just taken on the form of someone sleeping. It was as if a ghost had crawled into his bed, ready to haunt him, night after night. Tseng was an insomniac, the shades of sleep just didn't fall naturally over his still form. The respiration was just a little bit too heavy, not yet enfolded in soft, peaceful breaths. But this way they could let the silence fall. He was thankful for it though. Now he could pretend nothing was real. In the darkness it was always easy to pretend. That's what kept him sane.Watching, was something he liked. But he would never touch. Didn't dare to touch without permission. It would have been so easy, nothing more than a stretch of his fingers and the tips would feel black silk. The urge to touch was repressed, he would not break the rules. As always he would wait. Wait for the touch, the words... for the kiss. And he would treasure every second it lasted.Do you know what it's like to need, Tseng? Do you? He no longer knew how he would get through a night alone in his bed. For two years, they had been lovers. Sure, there were nights he'd spent without Tseng, but rarely in his own apartment. There were nightshifts, there were bars, there were empty streets he could walk on until dawn, then his home didn't seem so hollow anymore.He'd expected a feeling of belonging when in a relationship. But all he'd gotten was a feeling of loneliness. When he woke up in the mornings and found the other man gone. Or when Tseng rose from the bed, body still gleaming and damp, breath ragged from their lovemaking, casually got dressed and left. Or on one of the fortunately rare occasions when he'd sent Reno home through the cold, dark streets of Midgar. He would steal whenever he told him to, he would kill on his orders, he would even die for some rich fat guy he really didn't give a fuck about if he told him to do so.I don't give a damn about the company, can't you see that? I just blindly follow your lead, do as you tell me to. And I will love you, even if you never told me to do that. Even if you'll never will love me. And I guess that's what makes me a fool.He savioured the feel of light fingers brushing over his chest, up the neck, the hand curling slightly, the thumb tracing his lips as his face was turned to the side. "Reno."He was almost startled to hear Tseng's voice through the darkness, still, it was no more than a whisper. Lips and body was pressed against his own, the kiss so much more gentle than he was used to. Not demanding, but almost tender. Until it was broken, and his heart fell, knowing he'd soon be alone in the bed. Alone in the world."Reno," Tseng whispered again, "you're an even bigger fool than you can ever imagine if you can't see how much I love you." For a moment Reno found himself cursing the darkness, for not being able to see the truth he so desperately wanted to see in Tseng's hazel eyes. The truth he didn't dare trust was there if he couldn't see it, claim it to be his to keep forever.He reached out, slowly, tentatively, he curved the palm of his hand along the side of Tseng's face. Just resting it there, being allowed to touch for the first time. And he dared steal a kiss. "Was I thinking aloud?" he asked, his hand skimming down Tseng's body, draping his arm around him and resting his head on the other man's chest."Yes," Tseng murmured, his own arm snaking around Reno's shoulders. Reno sighed, content with the warm embrace he rested in. "I never... Why didn't you ever tell me?" His voice dropped, below a whisper now, as if he was afraid to utter the words. "I never knew you loved me. Why didn't you tell me?""Because," Tseng held Reno just a little bit tighter in his arms, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead, mumbling; "you deserve a softer pillow than my heart, Reno." Author's Notes; I wrote this very short little piece in an attempt to avoid complete writers block. I always found writing a good way to get over that sort of thing. Feel free to comment, I do appreciate feedback.
Disclaimer: Tseng and Reno belongs to Squaresoft. The song quoted at the top belongs to U2. |
| The Floating City version.3 |