Livingston-Friday morning: the walls of the LHS Cafeteria were wracked with the screams emitted from juniors Alice Xie and Lily Yu. The normally mild-mannered, reserved vegetarians terrorized the cafeteria with their 9-decibel shrieks and squealing.

The incident began when Xie entered the cafeteria at approximately 7:42 on Friday morning. Spying her accomplice, Yu, Xie stealthily approached her associate with a large plastic bag containing various festive boxes of wrapped mayhem. Yu then dove for her own blue papered-box of unknown calamity.

Giddy with the knowledge of the sheer demonic mischief of these Holiday packages, Xie and Yu then engaged in a series of incoherent babbling as they exchanged their gifts. Xie, fully aware of the magnitude of evil her gift would unleash, allowed Yu to open her present first. The two girls, awaiting this moment for weeks, began their gift opening reign of terror. As an 8½' by 11' Brian Bell autograph was finally unveiled, unintelligible screams resembling "open it, open it, OPEN IT!!!" were followed by, "Oh my god! Oh my god! OH MY GOD! IT'S FREAKING BRIAN BELL!!! HE'S SUCH A FRIGGIN FOX!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!" Eyewitness Sandeep Jain later gave this comment about Yu: "Holy Shit! She was like humping the thing!"

Following the Brian Bell incident, Xie zealously ripped through Christmas wrapping to reveal the long anticipated =W=eezer metal lunch box. Animal like howls of excitement shortly ensued. Their eyes glowing with demonic =W=eezerophilia, the girls continued to dole out more suspiciously =W=eezer-related paraphernalia to other potential victims

By the end of the day, Xie was seen wearing a =W=eezer t-shirt, carrying aforementioned lunchbox and a suspiciously =W=eezer calendar. When asked to see her =W=eezer lunchbox, Xie bared her fangs and hissed, "Noooo!!! My precious! My precious!"

Xie/Yu expert Dr. Byron Lu suspects that after the gift-giving insanity, Xie and Yu will return to their =W=eezer shrine, kneel facing Los Angeles (birthplace of =W=eezer) and partake in reciting the lyrics from Pinkerton. When confronted, Yu attacked, "Goddamn you half-Japanese girls!" This reporter could not help but retort, "Freak!"