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| Time
names Bush 'Man of Year', Sells Four Copies |
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Amid the horror of the World
Trade Center collapse, President George =W= Bush has shown tremendous
courage under pressure. Time Magazine wished to recognize his Herculean
achievement by honoring him as "Man of the Year". Apparently
the American Public disagrees. This quarter, Time-Warner is expected
to lose over 384 million dollars as monthly circulation for December
drops from last year's high of 15,320,000 to 4.
"Duhr, what the hell? Why,
dere's mo' than four people in my family. Which one of you shit-eating
stable cleaners is responsible for this shit?" cried a severely
irked Bush.
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When questioned for commentary, daughter Barbara stated, "Daddy's
an asshole, why the fuck should I buy his fucking magazine? Damnit,
I need a drink!" George's mother gave a less objectionable response
with, "My son's the president? When did I miss this?" before
returning to knitting pink and purple teddy bear socks for Bush Jr.
Wife and librarian Laura Bush stated, "I had to buy a copy of
the magazine. But seriously now, I don't give a damn. He made me,
and as soon as he left I shoved it in one of the White House pubic
bathroom stalls."
Time-Warner CEO expressed fear and apprehension at the sharp drop
in circulation, stating simply, "Next time we'll try to award
a president with an IQ HIGHER than that of a toaster."
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