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Ritz Breakfast
Proves Less than "Breathtaking"
Area Girl Thoroughly Disappointed: "This tastes
like shit" |
LIVINGSTON NJ - The hopes and dreams of Alice Xie, 16, were shattered
this morning in a local diner when a "German Apple Pancake"
proved less than wonderful.
"The menu said it was 'breathtaking'! What the hell? I can't
even taste the damn thing unless I pile on the sugar! I want my money
back!"
The incident started shortly after a major decision on the part of
Xie, a self appointed member of Livingston's cross-dressing underground.
On one hand, the Farmer's Omelette promised to be an affordable alternative
to a real omelette for a staunch vegetarian. However, the exotic description
of the German Apple Pancake, with its description of apples lightly
toasted with cinnamon sugar baked over the very best crepe batter
proved to be an effective trap, luring the unsuspecting consumer into
pancake hell.
After an acceptable waiting period, during which breakfast-mates Byron
Lu received a Deli-Meat Omelette and a Egg and Taylor Ham Sandwich,
and Chen Chen received a toxic, near fatal dose of buttermilk pancakes,
Xie got her Aryan breakfast-stuff, ironically served by a black man.
Xie's senses immediately told her that this hunk of crap lying in
front of her was something quite different from the heavenly pastry
described in the misleading menu. The apples were not to be seen in
the batter, and the cinnamon came in a plastic condiment container,
hardly the culinary delight she was expecting.
"It was not in any way "Breathtaking"… unless
you consider the suffocating cloud of vaporized apple seeds that it
emitted, it damn well near killed me, and made my colleague puke!
God, Germans are good at making watches and shit, but when it comes
to Pancakes, leave it to the other white people…"
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