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The world of Livingstonian markets is full of hostile takeovers,
but none quite as shocking as this. "Last year's complete transfer
of JSA's stock to Jerry Liang and Leah Feder was big enough," market
analyst Steven Hahn commented, "But it was nothing compared to this
baby!"
Leah Feder, CEO of the wildly successful LeahJacoba Industries,
officially acquired approximately 92% of Mrs. D'Avella's loyalty
during 8th period. The remaining eight percent of her soul will
go to Mike Getto, senior manager of the Livingston Education Association.
This effectively renders D'Avella as a shell of a person.
"I own her," Ms. Feder
stated plainly, when inquired about her most recent gain, "Seriously,
I totally control this woman."
One of the fiercest opponents of these recent consolidating maneuvers
is Jonathon Brighbord, head of J-J-Jon Brighbord and Associ-ci-ates.
When inquired about the reasoning behind his vehement opposition,
he gave a series of grunts, moans, and howls similar to the language
of the French.
Noted translator, Erez Cohen sums up his copious mumbling for The
Scallion, "I like Metallica, they are good band. Leah is whore,
Leah must die. Die Leah, Die. D'Avella hates me, hate me much does
D'Avella. I have detention. (indistinguishable jumble of consonant
sounds) Leah bad. Leah Master of Puppets now. This bad. People suck.
So I dub thee Unforgiven."
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