Sam sighed happily and curled her legs beneath her. Sg-1 was on downtime and she was ready to spend the most part of it reading. Unfortunately her team-mates had other plans.
She looked up at a knock on her door. Before she had time to even get up out of her chair the door opened and Jack O'Neill, Daniel Jackson and Teal'c came in.
"Hiya Carter."
"Um, hi guys, what are doing here?"
"We've come to get you," exclaimed Jack surprised she had to ask. "We're gonna have some fun downtime."
"No. I don't think so Sir."
"Call me Jack, we're on downtime. We are no longer CO and 2nd in Command."
"Ok, Jack. As we're on downtime I would like to have some peace and quiet."
"Oh come on Carter."
"Sam."
" Sam, you wouldn't want Teal'c to have to stay all alone now would ya?"
"O'Neill. I would also welcome the�"
"Teal'c! Careful, be careful."
"Well I'm not going anywhere," she said sitting down and making a deliberate show of picking up her book. Jack observed her for a minute.
"Ok," he announced. "We'll stay too." Sam looked over her book at him and shook her head. He wouldn't stay long when he couldn't find something fun to do. Unfortunately for her, she didn't realise Jack's idea of fun, could easily incorporate annoying her.
Sam had sat for half an hour, trying hard to ignore the presence of her three other team mates when Jack came in room
"Sam. Oh Sa-man-tha" Jack said in a soft singsong voice. Sam ignored him
"Hey Sam!"
"What?" she asked, only half listening.
"You're out of beer."
"So. Go get some."
Jack considered this for a second.
"I'm too low on gas" he lied.
"Take my car, it's got enough." Jack was busy thinking up an excuse when Teal'c entered.
"O'Neill. I would like to accompany you." Jack sighed inwardly, now he had to do it. Sam grinned
"Bye."
"Yeah whatever." he said, grabbing her keys from the side.
"Wait!" Daniel called out.
"What?"
"Teal'c needs a hat." Daniel said throwing a baseball cap their way and Teal'c caught it neatly.
"Have a nice ride." Daniel called as the door slammed.
He sat down next to Sam for a moment but quickly got bored and got up again.
"Is it ok if I use your Internet Sam?"
"Hmm." She mumbled. Daniel took this as a yes and sat down at the computer.
A few hours later the door slammed indicating Teal'c and Jack were back
"Did you have fun?" Daniel called
"I had a most enjoyable trip Daniel Jackson." Teal'c said. Jack followed him, rolling his eyes. "Yah, sure, ya betcha," he said sarcastically, slumping into a seat opposite Sam.
"What took you so long?" Daniel asked walking into the room.
"Oh Teal'c wanted to see some stuff." He grumbled, looking at Sam who was smiling about her book.
"Whatcha reading?"
"Harry Potter."
"Harry Potter! That's a kid's book!"
"Well in that case, it's too advanced for you." She said not even looking up.
"Major, I'd advise you to take that back."
"Hmm. Recommendation considered." Jack got an evil glint in his eye and quickly snatched the book from her hands.
"Colonel!" Sam exclaimed jumping to her feet. Jack ignored her and moved backwards. "Ok, Jack!"
"What?" he asked innocently. " Do you wanna go somewhere now?" Sam glared.
"Give. Me. The. Book. NOW!" Jack grinned and took off out the door Sam chased him round the lounge, through the kitchen and out into the garden while he waved the book madly in the air. On sighting Daniel sitting in the garden he raced towards him.
"Daniel! Catch!" he yelled and threw the book. It went flying through the air and landed in a bush. Sam narrowed her eyes as she retrieved it, glaring daggers at Jack.
"I hate you," she muttered, brushing it down.
"Now Major. That's no way to talk to your Commanding Officer."
"Well your not while we're on downtime. In your words." They walked back into the house where Teal'c was examining how the dimmer switch worked. Sam looked back over to Daniel who was now flicking through the TV channels.
"Ok, I give up" Sam said. "If I go� wherever it is you want me to, will you leave me and my house in peace for the remainder of our downtime?" Sam asked, folding her arms across her chest.
"Maybe� if you drive."
"Ok, whatever lets go. Where are the keys?"
"Uh� I dunno." Sam gave him a look. "Ok I'm going to look." About half a minute later he came back into the room.
"I can't find them," he said with a shrug. Sam gave him another look and stormed passed him into the kitchen, searching for the keys.
"What you mean is, 'it didn't fall into my outstretched fingers and so I'm at a loss to it's whereabouts'. God! Men!"
Teal'c watched this little performance silently. About 10 minutes later he called out.
"Major Carter. I believe I saw O'Neill place the keys you are looking in the cooling device."
"The cooling device�" echoed Sam "You mean the FRIDGE!" Sam marched over to the fridge and practically yanked of the door. Seeing her keys lying between an open yoghurt pot that she hadn't opened and half a lemon that she'd left a full one. She turned to Jack.
"You're a walking dead man." She said.
"Sam�" O'Neill said with a nervous laugh, taking a step backwards
"Jack."
"Sam listen�"
"Jack. Listen. I was going to have a nice week to myself. A little TV, some reading and a few walks. But No, you had to come and have 'fun'
"Hey Sam, no hard feeling right?"
"Let's see. Hurt, Anger, hate. No, no hard feelings."
"C'mon Sam, let's go."
Grabbing her now very cold keys Sam followed Daniel out to the car.
"Jack."
"What?" snapped Jack.
"This sucks." Daniel said, not caring about Jack's tone of voice. "This sucks up the one side and down the other."
"Daniel Shut up!"
"Colonel O'Neill. I believe we are lost." Teal'c helpfully inputted
"No Teal'c. We are not lost. I know exactly where we are."
"And where are we Jack?" Sam asked
"HERE!" he yelled
"Men! Why can't you just stop and ask for directions?!"
"No Sam, we are NOT stopping for directions."
"Just admit it Jack, you'd rather die than stop and ask for directions"
"No. Sea turtles navigate thousands of miles on pure instincts."
"You are not a sea turtle O'Neill."
"I know that Teal'c." There was silence and Teal'c raised his eyebrow.
"Oh don't worry Teal'c." Sam comforted "We'll defiantly be home before Christmas."
"Christmas is several months away Major Carter."
"It's sarcasm Teal'c" explained Daniel with a sigh
"I see," he said, obviously not understanding at all. Jack hit the steering wheel with both fists.
"Temper, temper!" Muttered Sam
"Oh for cryin out loud, there are no sign post here!"
"What would they say? Big rock this way, bigger rock that way?" Sam said searching the glove compartment for a map.
" I need a vacation" she muttered under her breath but Jack heard it.
"What?" he demanded
" A vacation. You know where normal people go to be alone with their thoughts. OPPS! Too scary for you."
"You're coming very, very close to insubordination."
"O'Neill" Teal'c interrupted. "I believe we are low on fuel"
Just then the car spluttered to a stop and Jack glared at him, then at Sam.
" I thought you said this car had plenty of gas," he said getting out of the car and slamming the door. Sam slammed hers just as loudly but Teal'c and Daniel climbed quietly out of the back.
"It did! But I didn't realise you planned on driving it round in circles for an hour." Sam and Jack rounded to the front of the car both annoyed and both hands on hips
"SAM!" he yelled
"JACK!" she yelled back. They glared at each other for a moment and then Sam shook her head and went back to the car. Meanwhile Jack opened the bonnet to check they were out of gas. Teal'c thought this was a pointless exercise but didn't say anything.
Sam came back with a fold out map in her hand just in time to hear Jack mutter something about insubordination. She chose to ignore it.
"We can walk," she announced.
"Don't you think I've thought of that? It's too far to Daniel's or yours, and mines even further!"
"But the SGC is closer" she said simply. Teal'c and Daniel gathered round her and the map.
"It's kinda cold Sam" Daniel said
"It will most certainly be cold wherever we are Daniel Jackson. Walking, or staying here."
"Agreed" said Sam. "And we're walking" She started off.
Teal'c and Daniel began following her but turned back when they realised Jack wasn't following.
"Jack? You coming?"
"No! I'm staying here. It'll take hours to walk back." He said stubbornly "someone will find us"
"God damn you Colonel!" she cried "Get over your ego and admit we have to walk. You've walked for days before you can manage a few hours!"
"Major! That is defiantly insubordination!"
"What is Jack?" Daniel asked. "I didn't hear anything."
"I too O'Neill, did not hear anything."
Jack frowned thinking to himself that now, of all times, Teal'c would develop a sense of humour.
"Coming sir?" she asked politely.
Jack looked from Daniel to Teal'c and then to Sam and through his hands in the air and followed.
They'd been walking for about half an hour when the heavens decided that it would be a good idea to open. Within a minute they were soaked.
"I'm wet!" yelled Jack over the roar of the darkened sky.
"No kidding!" Sam yelled back
"Guys, we're all wet, how about we find some shelter?"
"Indeed" said Teal'c but nobody heard him. " I believe we passed by a barn previously."
"Teal'c that was quarter of an hour ago!" yelled Jack. Teal'c didn't answer, he just raised his eyebrow and turned breaking off into a jog after Daniel Jackson.
A little while later four, very wet members of Sg-1 came panting into the open barn.
"Who'd leave the door open anyway. Not just unlocked but open!" said Jack slamming the huge barn door with a lot of effort. He turned round to see the rest of his team ringing off their clothes. Sam was staring over his head at the now closed door. She gave him a look and rolled her eyes, pointing to the sign on the door.
"I think that's why." Turning around to see what she was talking about he groaned. At the top of the door was a big sign reading "Do Not Close. Broken."
"Damn."
"Yeah, I would call you an idiot but then I'm not entirely sure that you can read so you're excused." They glared at each other for a few moments before letting it pass. Sam turned to Daniel and Teal'c.
"I'm sorry guys. If we hadn't start walking we wouldn't be in this mess."
"Damn straight." Jack said happy to redirect the blame
"It is most probable that someone will be present by morning" said Teal'c .
"Yep. Sam why don't you work out the exact probability for us." Jack said with a smirk. Sam glared at him.
"You wouldn't understand."
"No, cause that would be boring. I'd rather play snake." Jack said pulling out a phone and dialling a number.
"You have a cell-phone! Jack why didn't you say anything?"
"Cause it was more fun to get Sam to admit she was wrong" grinned Jack. The phone made a beep indicating it was out of battery. Jack frowned.
"You don't keep your cell-phone fully charged?""
"No. Who does?"
"I do!"
"Great! So where is it?"
"In the charger." Sam said rather sheepishly before shrugging her shoulders
"owh!" exclaimed Daniel suddenly, who had been quiet for a while,
"Noises don't help Daniel" snapped Sam.
"No, sorry, but I had an idea."
"What?"
"SOS" Daniel said banging on the wall. Teal'c stood with his head cocked for a moment.
"Daniel Jackson, that is not SOS, it is, in fact H.O.H, hoh."
Jack looked from Teal'c to Daniel, who had now stopped banging.
"Oh who cares?" said Sam "Nobody's gonna hear over the rain."
"Why are you acting like this Sam? You're so grouchy."
"You wanna know why I'm so 'grouchy'!" began Sam, her eyes flashing.
"Uh-oh" whispered Daniel
"I'll tell you why I'm so 'grouchy'. This is supposed to be my holiday. I am supposed to be relaxing, having some downtime. QUIETNESS! Just me and my Harry Potter book and most of all NO GUYS!" Jack winced and wished he hadn't asked the question.
"But no. Not expectable for Jack O'Neill. No. he has to come, invaded my house, destroy my quiet, and eat my food. All of this, all of this I could stand. Even taking my book I could cope with, but that's not all. You have to drag me out of my home on some stupid trip, where he gets lost and we get wet and now you have the NERVE to ask me WHY I'M GROUCHY!" With this she stormed off into the furthest corner of the barn and settled on a pile of hay.
"And I just thought it was just PMT" muttered Jack.
Sam was woken the next morning by a prodding of her shoulder. She groaned and rolled over.
"Rise and shine" announced Daniel. "Or just crawl and groan." Sam got up and looked around her.
"Everybody else up?"
"Me and Teal'c are. We think Jack went exploring the back part."
"Ok, well if we just stay near the door in case anyone opens it. We don't want to miss them."
"You sound like our fearless leader."
"If you say I look like him too you're dead." Daniel laughed.
"You wanna do SOS again?"
"Who cares let's just bang."
A few minutes later Sam, Daniel and Teal'c were standing outside in the brilliant sunshine nest to a kind farmer and his tractor.
"I'll give you people a lift to the nearest town if you like." He said, gesturing to a nearby jeep.
"Great."
"I better shut this door in case somebody else wanders in. Anybody else in there?" asked the farmer. Sam smiled wickedly and looked at her team mates, who just looked back at her before turning and climbing into the offered tractor
"No. Not that I know of." She said and she smiled again as he closed the door.
THE END
My first try at humour.
Was it all funny?
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