Tomb Robbing for Dummies
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I have raided the tombs of pharaohs, dodged the booby-traps, stole the gold, and made it all look like child's play. I'm sure all of you are quite jealous. Good. Though I'm enjoying the envious expressions on your faces, I suppose keeping secrets from my beloved fans would be rude, so I'll just let you in on a few of my little secrets...

Tomb robbing is a complex job that involves a lot of preparation. You can't just dive into a tomb and expect to come out in one piece--let alone with treasure. The first thing you need to do before you walkin there is to get yourself some essential supplies. You can find most of them around your house:

1. A rope for tying things off. You probably won't need it, but you never know.

2. A grappling hook, just in case you have to climb up somewhere.

3. Some food and water. If you get stuck inside the tomb for a while, and you're waiting for someone to rescue you, you'll need these supplies.

4. A bag. You can put the treasure in there.

5. Some friends. You'll probably need some company along the way.

6. Clothes with A LOT of pockets. If you don't want to share a certain treasure, you can hide it from your friends.

7. A flashlight. Duh.

8. A map if you can get one.

See? These are common things to have, right? Well, even if you
don't have these things, you can buy most of them at the store. The friends--well, you don't really NEED them, but sometimes robbing a tomb is a two-man job.

Now we'll get to the part where I actually give you instructions to doing the actual job. The next part of tomb robbing (after gathering your things) is selecting a tomb to rob. Usually, you have that at the beginning. After that, you arrange a way for you to get to the tomb in secret. You don't want anyone seeing you creep inside.

The best way to enter a tomb unnoticed is to go at night. Find a place to stay near your selected area, and wait until about three in the morning to get you and your friends outside. After you all get yourselves outdoors, decide whether to drive to the site, or travel there on foot. Walking to the tomb is probably your best bet, but if a vehicle is needed, make sure to park whatever it is far enough away from the tomb as possible. You never want anyone to be suspicious!!

Enter the tomb quietly, and stay in the shadows! Once you get inside of the tomb, turn on your flashlight, and find the way to the treasure chamber using your map. If you don't have one, just pray that you choose the right passages, and avoid all the traps.

If you manage to make it past the traps, then you'll finally reach the treasure chamber. Grab the money, and RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. Traps are bound to go off once you grab the loot. If you must, then trick your friend into taking the killing blow
for you. They ARE your friends after all, right? Anyway, get out of the tomb, and run back home. Hide the treasure just in case the guardians of the tomb happen to get suspicious.

Sell your gold, and become a multi-millionaire. Then move on to the next tomb! By the time you're done, you'll make Bill Gates look poor. Good luck, and happy tomb robbing!!
DON'T DO THESE THINGS IN REAL LIFE!!!
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