Friend.....

----- ASHIM SHARMA "JOVIAL"

Let u know, a friend * 4 eternity *

Hi... I'm ([email protected]) looking a ..... friend for a long_term/life relationship / friend- ship ..... I welcome friends online too, but at the moment I spend most of my time offline and I really want to find people to do things with... I used to live in Ktm, Nepal, but now in UAE and would like to build a new life for myself (wanna help?)... I lived here a while back so I know the area, but people I knew back them are gone or unfindable so I'm all alone (know the feeling?... hear the violins?)... true friends take time, so it's gonna be lonely until I find someone with time who wants to be my friend ( realy! remember?... that's supposed to be why you came in through the window...)... ah, anyway, being an eternal optimist (ever hoping for a response... or a call) and hoping you might enjoy my babbling, I continue (even if you are far away).........
Dear Everyone ... I'm all right, how are you?... life goes on (and so it goes) and I'm still looking for the one and friends and fun, so if you want a new friend then say hi (hope you do)... and ready to come out to share share some serious/romantic fun so, how about you?..J though this is the babbling way to know me, you can find more concise clues to who is behind all these words by choosing the right links along the way... my want list reflects what I want (reality, what a concept) in the real world... current events take you to real-time happenings in this life I loosely call mine... and for music lovers, there are about a zillion references to song lyrics that hold profound meaning for me in these babbles and I figure the more you find, the closer you are to whatever this is really all about (and maybe even knowing me, if that's one of your goals in life... you could join in in my quest cuz it sure is one of mine)

honest love

I close most of my personal correspondence with these two words... honest love...
and seldom am I asked what I mean, but often assumptions lead people to respond
with expectations or judgments or not respond at all... what do you see in the words?

what I see, and send, is an offer of caring without strings or expectations...

I've been asked why not just close with 'love' then?

simply, because I believe love is the most used, abused, confused, and misused word in
any language and I want to differentiate between the casual meaning of the word... I
want you to ask what I mean, I want to know what you mean in your heart when you
say you care... so I challenge you with the word honest... how honest is your love?...
how honest are you with yourself in your own heart... really?... if you don't want to go there... then you don't want to come here.

sometimes I get so ansy
like I've got something to do
or I've just got to do something
something real, something new
the feeling of wanting to bust out
with no place to go
aimless anxious excitement
waiting for the show

this is..... ?
my angst, my fun
this is my life
welcome everyone

sometimes I get so * hungry *
and nothing can satisfy
like there's something missing from the
story of my life
the feeling of wanting to love you
not knowing where you are
the show is anticipation
waiting for the star

this is..... ?
my angst, my fun
this is my life
welcome everyone

this insatiable spirit
as peaceful as wild
quixotic companion
incorrigible child
truth is all that's holy
love is all that's good
trust is all that's real
life... is my hood
sharing is my reason
caring is my way
ever changing season
life... is my play
what more can I say
I wait for you today

sometimes I get so * hungry *
and nothing can satisfy
like there's something missing from the
story of my life
the feeling of wanting to love you
not knowing where you are
the show is anticipation
waiting for the star

this is..... ?
my angst, my fun
this is my life
welcome everyone

Life/friend... ?
(Welcome Everyone)

and now begins the ever changing, sometimes elucidating, and occasionally immaculate babble (thought it did already, huh?... well, once upon a time, or maybe twice, this is where the whole thing began {or was it, oh wait, we'll get to that} and then, the union tried to organize, but that's a whole 'nother story, the results of which you can see unfolding before yours eyes)... ya see?... it's changing right before your eyes... or mine... and well, it will, just give it time (what is time, anyway?)... tell you what, step away for just a few moments and do something for yourself (we won't tell)... in fact, take a break from this computer screen for a bit (or byte)... fix yourself a frosty mug of chocolate milk or something... go for a walk... treat yourself to some exquisitely pleasurable personal experience (what, chocolate milk wasn't enough?... can I watch?)... oh come on, loosen up... heck, do it for a week or few (could you stand it?... there's always hope)... anyway, when you get back there's a relatively moderate chance that this babble will actually change, virtually right before your eyes (like poof, ya know?)... and maybe it already did, when you only thought your were watching but were really not... you stand on the precipice, close to the edge (are we living on it?)... you are faced with a choice, perhaps a dilemma... before you is a vast universe of whatever may be, dare you look over the edge?... or (eeek), leap?... if you understand, then you may actually be ready to move on... if not, well, ummmm, yeah, uh-oh (it only gets deeper from here) J . . . o O ( ready to suspend reality with me? ) O o . . . sadly (or not, depending upon your point of view and ability to manipulate your mind), if you chose quick links you may (or not, cuz here you are, now aren't you?) already be missing out on many subtle (not everything's a cold brick in the eye) changes and points (or dull spots) of interest (like this one) that might explain a lot (or not)... and then again, you may just miss out on more information (can you read?) to add to your confusion (ok, let's see a show of hands... who's confused?)... your mind will decide... this thing you are doing (and you thought your were just reading?) is an interactive creative experience in progress (should you choose to participate, you will be notified when your turn comes along)... you participate by choosing where you want to go and responding as you wish, just like in realy life (amazing, huh?... yeah, well do not let the sarcasm fool you, there is intense depth and meaning behind {and beneath... and between... and off to the side as well} my rather odd sense of humors... or humours, perhaps)... the risks you take in your choices on your journey are your own (but don't worry, I love to share so you're only as alone as you want to be)... some pages may offend you, some pages may amuse you, some pages may upset you, some pages may confuse you... some may do all of the above and aside and more (oh, those must be special, huh?)... the babble explains everything (life and the universe too) eventually (really it does), you just need to find the answers you seek (you are a seeker, your eyes are growing heavy, well mine are, but that could be the drugs) amongst all the words and voices and giggles (and parentheses) and what you want to believe is true, false, teasing, serious, or whatever (your mind is the ultimate guide and {shudder} you are in control, even if nobody told you) J as the web gate says, this web world is for word lovers (what, would I lie?... only unintentionally, or intentionally if I was teasing, or sometimes when I am serious and playing a role in a play or something, but never truly meaningfully from the heart... nope, the heart will not lie here... it may rest from time to time, but never lie)... and that is just the first compatibility you'll find here (if you are a word lover, that is, and if you do not lie, that is another)... the fact remains (for readers and writers alike), that the more you dare to open your mind to the possible, the more you give yourself up to the creative play of words (or any creative medium, small or large)... and the more you play, the more may find and create on your individual journey... and when what is real merges with fantasy, you may be getting closer to the author (who?) behind the curtain (shhhhh, pay no attention)... and your little dog too (remember the musical references mentioned earlier?... well there are other references from arts and sciences and academies far beyond the scope of mortal man, but you'll have to get up pretty darn earl (and pretty goldang close} to get a peak under that particular cape... the essense is in the ether, grasshopper) J but just in case you came from a connections or meeting people type website (I'm listed on almost every one I've ever found) and you want to know me (speaking of real life, if there is such a thing), you will find less babbling (oh really?) and more info about me (well, at least more info about me) if you go through the window (not the screen) or if you aren't Katie Holmes (or Meg Ryan, or Janeane Garofalo or Mila Kunis or Sandra Bullock or Neve Campbell or Nicole Deboer or... off on a tangent again, am I?... well, even if you don't want to climb in my window or share my bed, for that matter), the back door (where we can share a cup of cocoa or something at the kitchen table (more uncharted webspace I've reserved)... but seriously, people, if you really want to know... the window is the path where the newest stuff that is focusing on finding friends in the offline world is supposed to be found.... revisions in the links are obviously necessary (as the current events above should suggest if you are paying attention)... and this (focusing on finding life offline) is why I'm not online as much as I used to be in case you're looking for me online... like I haven't turned on ICQ in years (installing the latest version, 2002b, I think, crashed my whole system, the little laptop that could, couldn't) and now I don't even have access to ICQ, but I might soon... and I check email only sporadically, though if you call I will give you a mailbox of your own and check yours whenever I am online)... locals should call {at least so you can rest your eyes}... and if you're not local and aren't visiting soon, the rest of this web world has had lots added as well so I sincerely hope you enjoy your journey through this world of words (cuz they aren't out here just for ego, believe it or not, no matter what ego might suggest)... for the moment, reading these web pages {especially the rambling journals found through the window} or calling may be the only way to actually keep in touch with me (though recently though diary/journals with their comments and notes and guestbook and stuff have been getting more attention) and I dearly hope you understand and will {keep in touch, that is}... cuz there's always hope) J anyway, to probably over-emphasize and potentially belabor the point beyond cuteness or the average tolerance level of humanity (but not you, dear readers, not you... and that is why I love you so... but we'll not turn this into a mush-fest just yet), I conclude this window washing portion of this babbling introduction by pointing out, like they do in Dawson's Creek (and should probably do in Smallville, Roswell, The Twilight Zone and X-Files, and over at Buffy's house), friends and would be lovers (and occasionally something really strange, but still exciting, even if it's not dancing by the light of the moon, silvery or whatever) come through the window (and for some, it will always be open)... the back door, on the other hand, leads to some more formal biographical babblings and stuff that's not as much current event or time frame oriented... when all is said and done, I guess we can call the back door kinda like a bio (still public) and the window more like a diary (more private)... but even there, the creative muses have the great influence on this literary journey... what is real what is fantasy who are you which is me so many pages so many clues creative muses or real life news?... I'll leave it for you to choose (but choose later or you'll miss all the rest of this page) in other words (or even the same), I shall leave it to you (and for you) to decide what is real and what is fantasy as you wander through these words... and as you come into my life should you decide to share more personally, on or off line... yes that's right, you are free to decide which is my voice and which are voices of ghost writers and characters and toons (did I mention Anonanonanon is related to Wacko, Yacko, and Dot?... yeah, there were other sibs, just like the Marx Brothers) and others who wish to share words here (or don't, care that is, but allow me to) and what is actually reflections of the author real life... there are paths in these gardens that are pure fiction and paths that are based on personal physical-world experience and paths based on others experiences or fantasies... and other stuff too... presentation is part of the creative process (like when is a journal not really a journal?... or are the books a lot of people call holy works of epic fiction?... and like, who is more real, Dr. Seuss, Shakespeare, Jesus, or Peter Pan?), especially when emotional or creative collaborations are involved (and add in people, the human factor, and you never know what might happen)... and then again, the author may have written every word only to present this riddling disclaimer for your amusement or other reasons... huh?... what?... where?... why?... how?... oh, sumdinigy!...

you want to know about me?... well, here's some of a response to a new friend who asked (and links to more words)... I was asked: >So, ric, how are you? Please, tell me more about you. Work? Play? Life?; >You know, the stuff that makes you who you are..... > hopefully my response below is a fair start to getting to know me... feel free to ask questions for more details if you are interested in knowing more of me... I am here (alive) to share and care - to share caring - that's what makes me happiest... my purpose for being.... I do my best not to hide cuz hiding is the antithesis of sharing and defeats my purpose... so I welcome and encourage you to read and ask questions cuz your questions turn the pages of the open book I strive to be :) >So, ric, how are you? > lonely and missing sharing offline... otherwise, happy with me, being mostly a moment to moment being and relatively self-sufficient... tolerating and making the best of my day-to-day worklife that is necessary for now but leaves inadequate social-life time... and doing my best to remain hopeful that I'll find a friend (or friends, even) and find time to play with them... ultimately, I'm up, down, and spinning around at any given moment... there's heavy challenges that must be resolved and/or accepted and I'm doing my best to keep climbing back to a better place in life... still striving to actualize my dreams, find someone who'll share everything unconditionally, create a family, and build a bit of a better world for us (and John Lennon's Imagine plays in the background of my mind :) >Please, tell me more about you. > ok, and thank you for caring to know... and if this letter isn't enough for you (and I hope it isn't :) ... feel free to read my current babbling bio on the web... it's my current best shot at answering your request and from there you can get to the rest of my home on the web and find out how much you really want to know about me :) and then you're welcome and encouraged to explore the links below to my home on the web... I'll summarize "me" here, starting with ideals and faiths and the inside stuff... honesty is my highest ideal and the quest for truth and love is my faith and chosen purpose for living... innocence (defined as harmless intent, as opposed to inexperience or ignorance) is my way and also the most attractive character trait for me... curiosity (mine seems insatiable) is my primary motivation to continue exploring and striving to actualize my chosen purpose - to experience and share everything as completely as possible, accepting that anything is possible... feeling as much and as good as I can feel is my goal, caring feels better than anything else I've tried, sharing makes caring feel even better, so sharing caring is my reason and purpose and the way I try to actualize my ultimate inner personal goal... ultimately I strive to be all I can be and make the most of each moment I am here within as balanced a peace as I can attain... accepting that the moment is all there is and striving to maintain the conscious awareness that allows me to actualize the most of each moment... I do my best to actualize my ideals in all I do, and in all I do, I seek peace and an end to harm... reaching outside from this shell (body) I am most inspired by and attracted to life and beings that are open to experiencing and actualizing all life can be... usually plants and animals and children are a lot more inspiring than grown-up type humans... I can sense the planet as a whole and feel it's balance and imbalance, "feeling" the balance as pleasure and peace and the imbalance and strife and pain... and I seek to share as much positive energy and experiences as possible with others... words and music are my primary creative release and inspiration... while most kids in my generation grew up on Dr. Spock, I preferred Dr. Seuss... I think in rhymes and feel in melodies and seek to share all in life's harmonies... the physical senses are amazing to me and I love experiencing all of them as much as possible, so all that inspires and is stimulating to the senses intrigues me... every experience is sensual for me, though not every experience is sexual because sometimes I prefer sensuality with minimal or no sexuality... positive pleasures attract me and I don't enjoy or consciously seek negative stressors or painful experiences... there's a very light scratch of the surface of "me"... the links above are one way to find more... in time, more will flow into words and I hope to learn more about you too...

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