| Sailor Moon: Lost and High By Jo - 1/31/02 * coughs * So, my story begins when I�m on a desperate attempt to crack a smile on my face. So, being the smart aleck I was, I searched for Sailor Moon humor in fanfiction.net. And so, * yippee * there�s this �interesting� story where Usagi is half dead in the woods, and sugar high soldiers go look for her. That�s where that story begins. The Bad Parts: I KNEW I should have left the story alone, when I saw the format it was in. I just knew it. First of all, this wasn�t even written in paragraph form. All it had was the speakers name, a :, and then what they said. Pardon me, but�I believe that�s a format for a script? And even scriptwriters don�t separate paragraphs with the loveable ~~~! * Chibi- Jo nods in agreement* Another problem I had was that the author seemed to be avoiding apostrophes. ^^;; * Chibi- Jo snickers * Also, I don�t think the author went back to reread her story, unless she meant to say: �She started to drift off on the rock with she cracked her head on.� ^^;; * blinks * And sometimes I think the characters were WAY OOC�even if they were sugar high� Such as: � Mercury:Mars,if you usa a attack the woods will go down in flames! Mars:Ugh.Your no fun! � * Chibi-Jo falls from her UFO, from the horrific grammatical and humorous errors * The Good Parts: There were a few spots that did give a hint of a smile on my lips. It did. Honest. It was all Artemis�s doing. Even if he was also OOC, he was so adorable. Can�t you imagine him going: � MEEE!� when Mamoru asks if anyone wants his or her tummy scratched? ^_^;; Overall: The story ended with: �Suddenly something jumped out at them. They all screamed and died. � * coughs * * Chibi-Jo faints * Do I need to add a comment on that? I mean, sure sweetie, if you wanted to finish your story quickly to upload it for reviews, I�d kill off my characters in that unnecessary way too! Humor/Interest: 3/5 Grammar & Format: -105/5 Characters: 1/5 Culmination: -115/5 Chibi-Jo comments: * two thumbs and a lollypop down * * floats far far away from the story on her UFO * |