Twas the night before Christmas and Santa was ticked,
For a wisecracking elf made a fool of St. Nick.
He hijacked his reindeer, pilfered his sleigh,
Stole his bag full of goodies and ruined Santa�s big day.
Just what was he thinking? Why was he so mean?
Could it be he was jealous? His eyes were bright green.
He ridiculed Rudolph, smacked Comet quite hard,
called Cupid a dimwitted reindeer retard.
He whipped Dancer and Prancer, called Donder a turkey,
Killed Vixen and made some spiced reindeer jerky.
He filled his flask full of eggnog, ninety-five percent rum,
Then he pinched Mrs. Clause on her plump sexy bum.
He mumbled and grumbled, as his large eyebrows twitched,
Said, �Oh you look fine, now give me some bitch.�
Mrs. Clause, between giggles, dropped her bloomers real quick,
Then she sat on that elf�s miniscule little prick.
Mrs. Clause worked her magic as she put on a show,
She rode him so hard she uncurled his toes.
That elf whooped and hollered as he screamed in delight,
Thanks to sweet Mrs. Clause he had one hell of a night.
Then they heard a commotion as St. Nick burst inside,
He was naked and staring, his grin big and wide.
That elf he did panic, yelled �no threesome�s for me,�
Then he jumped out the window shouting with glee.
He climb to the rooftop jump into the sleigh,
Got those eight reindeer airborne to Santa�s dismay.
He was canceling Christmas; he was sure having fun,
For this Christmas Eve Santa Clause would get none.
No present giving, no cookies and milk,
No tying elves up with red and green silk.
No perverted behavior, sex with elves isn�t right,
So kiss my ass Santa I�m leaving tonight.