CALL ME PSYCHIC: 10 things which will happen this easter, as predicted by an idealistically cynical christian

 

 

 

1.  Two thousand years after Jesus was executed for his vision of a kingdom of peace and holy love, his supposed follower George W. Bush will be busy executing for his vision of a global American kingdom of military might and hard nosed corporate capitalism. 

 

2.  Church leaders will call us back to the REAL meaning of Easter.  (I mostly agree, but 'YAWN'.) 

 

3.  Christian soldiers will go to church services in military camps on the borders of Iraq and eat hot cross buns before they go shoot some more Muslims.  (On the original Good Friday, Jesus surrendered to the Roman soldiers rather than fight back.  He told his disciples to put down their swords.  With the popular support he had, he could have staged a violent revolution and perhaps driven the Romans out of Jerusalem.  Instead, he chose to become a humiliated king of non-violence, crowned in a barbaric hanging.  It's been so twisted since then, but the idea was that his followers live out this crazy, idealistic life of giving and peace-making, even when it meant dying.)

 

4.  Newspaper columnists will complain about how commercial Easter is now, and how it really should be all about the family and stuff.  (I guess I agree, but 'YAWN'.)

 

5.  A no-brainer editorial from The West will tell us how Easter's a great symbol of hope and tolerance for all of us.  (The main problem I have with these editorials The West trots out each Easter is that their wishy-washy feelings of good-will are not tied to any substantial issues of justice and intolerance - like a peacemaking response to the Iraq situation; like rejecting the appalling treatment by Australia of refugees created by war; or even like criticising the greedy, shallow world of corporate capitalism..  'Justice' and 'tolerance' aren't just vague warm-fuzzy feelings which Channel 7 would like us to go around Perth with; they are real actions taken in response to our stuffed up world.)

 

6.  Christian Television Association Ads.  (When in Rome, do as Romans do, in this case, hire a marketing consultant... but I'm being too cynical - some of them are all right.)

 

7.  A 'shocking' road safety campaign from the police will feature 'horrific' images and double demerit points.  (It works too well on me.  I get paranoid about driving anywhere.)

 

8.  There'll still be road deaths all the way down to Margaret River and back. 

 

9.  Easter Eggs.  (People get greedy but I still like Easter Eggs - I like the bright foil and the exquisite curves with cracked eggshell texture, and even just the way a chocolate egg feels in my hand... so call me childish.) 

 

10.  Easter Sunday will come, in a chocolate morning and a beery afternoon.  (Not a bad day, but a little different to the first Easter.  Christians believe that having taken on death and defeated it, it was on Easter Sunday that God raised Jesus to life in a renewed, restored body - a taste of the Christian hope for all the Earth of resurrection and a world made right, often mistaken for clouds and harps or violent apocalypses.  As a Christian, it surprises me that such a weird and difficult-to-swallow belief as the resurrection has been turned into a public holiday, but then we also celebrate the Queen's birthday...)

 

 

- Nathan Hobby (my webpage: www.geocities.com/savageparade for those who want to argue)