Dear Mr. McMahon,
I am writing you this letter on behalf of my roommate, Little Kimmie. Little Kimmie is suffering from a terminal headache, tragically contracted through her job teaching high schoolers.
Little Kimmie believes that her headache can be cured only through your intervention: She believes that the one thing that may save her is a full-body massage from your employee, Matt Hardy, whom she believes to have healing powers. We have exhausted all other options, Mr. McMahon. I cannot help but to turn to you in Little Kimmie's hour of need.
I cannot conceive of a more worthy recipient of your generosity. In her short twenty-five years on this planet, Little Kimmie has selflessly schlepped her brothers to and from Karate practice countless times. She has given her students money when they have left their lunch money at home. She even bought three pounds of cookie dough as a part of a school fund raiser!
Please, Mr. McMahon, I beg of you: Grant Little Kimmie her simple request. You could work it into the storyline that Matt got ambushed by Kaientai or something.
Yours in Jesus,
Power to the People,
Savage Amy |
