| I Don't Like the Drugs (But the Drugs Like Me) by: Liv The 'interview' in the first part may or may not be fictional - I had read it somewhere online and it was what actually sparked the idea for the story. To be honest, I don't believe the interview was actually true. You have to keep in mind that some things you read online may be taken out of context. But if you have proof that it was indeed valid, then be sure to tell me and I'll change this little note around! I dedicate this fic to each and every chica/chico in the great big world of SG slash. *hugz* ** Darren's darkly accented eyes seemed to mock me from under the thick mascara around them. So black was the lining of the liquid eyeliner, it painted his face with such delicacy. The little demon himself was holding the magazine cover for me to see. A slight coy grin etched his way across his face. Fresh-faced he seemed to look now without the make-up and gelled hair. "How do you like it?" he whispered, almost playfully at me. I stared again without saying a word. A touch of pink on his perfect lips with a hint of glitter. Pink. So pure and innocent was the colour. It made me want to throttle his neck. "Interesting," I murmured and turned to walk away. I couldn't stand it - watching him pose and primped like that. Especially how earlier today I read in the morning paper a little interview he did -- - I have been in love only 3 times in my life - my first girlfriend, then the girl I married, but who now is my ex-wife - and at last a woman I had a quite passionate relationship to recently. He didn't really have to mention that, did he? It was like a cruel stab to my already broken soul. Was he deliberately taunting me with fire? Can he really understand the depth and complexity of my feelings for him? "Dan? Daniel, where are you going?" He was behind me in a second, briskly trying to keep pace. More fragments of the interview invaded my thoughts -- Besides that, the singer revolves that the most kinky place he have had sex on is under a firestair, and the most beautiful thing anyone said to him? - Recently my best friend Naomi told me that she loves me, and that I break her heart every day by not feeling the same way. That was beautiful. Bastard. How was I suppose to feel? It damn well cut me. Such a tease diva he was. I was numbed and shocked at the words and near bittersweet tears threatened to fall. Was it really beautiful, Darren? Do you really break her heart as much and as often as you do mine? "Jonesy!" He finally pulled my arm and turned me towards him so I had to face him. We were in some five-star hotel as usual, for more interviews and photo shoots, in a public place - yet he couldn't even lower his voice. "Hush Darren, it's late, alright? People are in bed." I whispered back to him harshly. It was nearly midnight and all was relatively quiet out here in the hallway. He had been showing me the premiere copy of CREAM, where he was artfully done up to grace the front cover in his en suite when I had rudely walked out. He looked at me closely. "Then what's the matter? Why don't you answer me? You've been acting pretty funny... since this morning." He has a lot of self esteem and doesn`t need idols. - I think everyone should be their own idol. But if I had to choose one, it has to be my bandmate, Daniel Jones. I hate your foolish games, Darren. I hate it when you play around with my mind. You know in your heart you only said that so fans respect you more - it wasn't really what you meant at all. I forced a grin, which I could feel it rotting my teeth. "Darren darling, I am fine. I just have things on my mind. I'm going out for a short walk, okay?" Concern flittered across his beautiful eyes. Oh I knew he loved me. He confided in me and reportedly 'adored' me. We were very close friends. But I wanted more. As the months went by, the more my yearning for him increased. And he was completely oblivious to it. "What things are burdening you? You look sort of dazed out." He stood close in front of me and held my shoulders. His touch sent subtle hot zings from the point of contact down to my spine. I involuntarily shivered and he mistakened that I was cold. "Want me to get a coat for you? It's going to rain, I think..." "No, no, it's alright." I slowly pried away from his soft grasp and started heading my way towards my room. "Jonesy!" the exasperation in his voice was unmistakeable. He was blocking my doorway. "You still haven't said anything. What is the matter with you? I'm getting quite worried." "Everything is fine. I'm just going to bed." "Why haven't you said anything at all about those CREAM photos? Didn't you like them?" There was something in his voice. Hurt? "I didn't say that." "But you don't really like them, do you?" How could I tell him that it pained to see him so... so brash like that? Those provocative shots would be publicized to the world. It was like he was selling pieces of his most intimate self with anybody and everybody - what was he trying to gain? I didn't like the idea of sharing him with anyone but of course I couldn't tell him that. "They are... just different." Before he could say anymore, I quickly unlocked the door, went in and slammed the door behind me. ~~~~~~~~~~ Inside the comforting darkness of my room, I shut my eyes tight and felt the pressure of my lids sqeeze the bitter tears behind my eyes. What has happening to me? Why did I suddenly dislike the promotion work he was doing? Why I did I detest the way he sold himself? Most of all, what was my problem? Ever since this whole promo circus started - and how I wanted to shy away from the bloodthirsty media which caused me much anxiety - he seemed to embrace life with all it's excesses and pleasures while I kept simple. No, wait a minute - it was after his separation from his wife that he grew a little wilder. It was like he was finally free from his chains and now he couldn't wait to luxuriate in the 'bad boy' rock-star lifestyle. So why exactly was it gnawing at me? It was his life, he could live it anyway he wanted to. Not mine, no never mine, to control. Leaning my hot head against the wall, I felt it's cool smoothless under my scalp and I shivered. He was a living doll on the front cover of CREAM. Impossibly flawless and air-brushed in every way. Little slut. He was simply selling himself... and I couldn't even buy him with all the money in the world. I decided I couldn't stay like this any longer. I was sick of it, sick to death of all my desires tormenting me every day and night because what I really wanted was so out of my reach. But alas, that was what he always did to me. Unconsciously or consciously perhaps, I do not know. And it ached how the one I desired for so long was within my grasp, yet I still could not touch him. Not giving a damn it was midnight and I would only be asking for trouble, I grabbed my coat and walked out of my room. ~~~~~~~~~~ I breathed through the night, my hands in my pockets as I strolled through the half-empty streets. I had no idea where I was heading off to and how this night of delights would lead. The only people walking about now where those who seemed to relish in the emptiness of these long lonely nights. Pretty human beings, living each moment as if it were their last. I needed something. I needed something to calm me down and help me forget. I needed an escape. I didn't want to drink. No, I had one too many bad experiences with the bottle and I did not want to repeat them. Though alcohol does numb the... the pain for a while, I did not want to be a public showcase again. As I turned the corner, I came across a doorway which led downstairs to somewhere. As I peered below, all seemed dark and shadowy inside but no doubt I caught the whiff of drinks down below. I looked up for the name of the bar and it simply had an engraved "13th" sign. Right. Well, it was the best I could do at the moment and I couldn't be bothered going around to find another bar. After all, they would serve the same drinks, wouldn't they? A bar is a bar. I walked down the stairs that led to the place. Soft mumurs and laughter echoed off the smooth white walls. At the end of the stairway, I could dimly make out some light. Ah yes, here I was. I touched the last step and proceeded to walk in. My eyes had to adjust as I made my way through the gloomy room. I cautiously looked around and immediately felt eyes washing over me. A raw visionary of a group of oddities met my gaze - surrounding me was a collective group of goths, punks, faeries and other colourful sorts. The faces questioned me silently, their blank looks composed. Never had I felt so out of place. A band was playing, a mourning-type of music was being churned up on stage. As I timidly walked across to find an empty table on the corner, I heard more whispers and murmurs, but I ignored them. Hell, this was one queer place alright, but I needed my drink. I settled back against the wall, trying to make myself as inconspicuous as I could be. Taking the opportunity to look around, I slowly licked my lips as my eyes took upon the people gathered here. Very pretty and painted boys and girls were lounging around, their milky white skin luminous from the smoky haze around the room. Black, black and more black was their lacy and scantily-clad clothing. Heavily applied eye makeup was obviously mandatory. And red, plushed lips seemed to pout towards me everywhere. And everywhere I looked, I saw him. His face seemed to be dancing around me. Damn his white, polished skin. Curse those carefully decorated eyes. Why did he have to look so divine on the front cover of that blasted magazine? "First time?" The silky voice before me took me off guard. I shook myself out of my thoughts and focused blearily on the pair of coral-green irises in front of me. "What?" "I said, first time here stranger?" A tall, young man was sitting rather calmly in front of me, leaning back in his seat languidly. Blond he was, a dark ash colour similiar to mine. He was wearing, naturally, a black button up silk shirt and black leather pants. Silver jewellery adorned his neck and white wrists. I peered closer at his face. Lovely. This pretty young thing had lashings of pure red lipstick polished on his lips. "Hmmm, who are you?" I muttered, not really interested in small talk at the moment. It was then he leaned forward and the contrast of his facial features caught the light above. And the more I looked at him, the more I caught what he really looked like. Dirty blond hair. An angular face, rather thin with high cheekbones. Dark green eyes. Slight dimples when he spoke. In an eerie sort of way... the guy looked like me. Hell, he could have been my twin, for all I know. He turned, snapped two fingers at the waiter behind him to order two drinks, then looked back to me. "You look lost here." he purred to me under his long, heavily matted lashes. I couldn't stop looking at his smooth face. It was so similar to mine - except it had Darren's lustrous quality. He looked to me the mixture of Darren and I combined. Quite... nice actually. I made a small gesture with my hand and tilted my head to one side. "I'm fine." The waiter came with the two drinks and I gulped them down greedily. God, with all of these weird happenings just now, I was in need of some escapism at least. "What is your name?" he whispered, lowering his large eyes coyly and curling his delicate fingers on the table. Ah, he was seductive. I could see it in from his body language, the way he would move and position his slender limbs in such a way. It was all so carefully calculated and precise. I took another long swig of the drink. My mind was quickly clouding, which was rather unusual because I could usually withstand a couple of glasses with no problems. I shook my head, trying to clear my increasing disorientated thoughts. What was with this drink? I had never had anything rush to my head so quickly before. "Daniel." I managed to stammer. "Yours?" "Trent." he smiled lazily and his eyes seemed to narrow and gleam slighty. As I stared at him, flashing lights seemed to pulsate in front of my face and a wave of nausea hit me. I shakily put down the glass and swallowed hard, trying to calm down. Fuck, what was in this drink?? Trent seemed to clue in what was going on with me. He stood up, pulled up a chair beside me and leaned forward, scrutinizing me in every detail. I suddenly didn't like him so close to me, though by this time by head was positively buzzing. "Not used to our specially blended cocktails, huh?" His graceful fingers reached out and touched my face. I froze, hardly daring to breathe. No no no, this was NOT right. "I can make it all feel better, " he breathed closer to me. I shivered and closed my eyes. Blackness was swimming around in my head. Hell, I was definitely not used to the sort of drinks they had here. He sat closer to me and started to caress my flustered cheeks. I tried to move away from his hands but I was too much in a stupor. Get me out of here... from this sleaze... "Hmmmm, I have to go," I murmured and tried to get up but it was no use. He held me down and before I knew what he was doing, I felt those soft, red lips touch my forehead and his other hand started to trail down my chest. "You look so fine..." his sighs vibrated through my eardrums as my vision blurred once more. More of his silky hands groped further down my body and towards my crotch. Inward disgust rose in me. I didn't want him touching me and I didn't particularly like the glazed-over look in his eyes. He wanted me - that was for sure. Harsh kisses surrounded my face. Much to my horror, his face was close to me now and he roughly clamped his mouth over mine. His hot tongue entered, and rapidly ran along the roof of my mouth. A rapist kiss, sealed to me. "Get away!" I hissed and pulled away from his grasp. I could feel my moist face, tainted by his lips and tongue. In white fury, I pushed him roughly over until he fell backwards in his chair. In a second, he was up again and, eyes dangerously blazing, lunged at me again. His nimble fingers grabbed at my shirt and ripped the buttons apart. "Bastard!" I knocked him out and without looking back, ran out of the room. I was aware of every pair of eyes witnessing the lovely little scene we just had but I didn't care. I just wanted to get out of here. As I rushed up the stairs, colours and shapes spiralled around me. I forced myself to suppress the strong wash of dizziness and out into the night I ran. ~~~~~~~~~~ I didn't know how in God's name did I manage to find my way back to the hotel. In a haze I ran through the empty streets. Blackness, divine blackness enveloped me all the way through until I suddenly found myself in the lobby of the hotel. A drunken whiteness I was stumbling through. I was breaking out in sweat and my thoughts were swimming around in my already dazed head. There was a dry taste in my mouth. I was shivering all over. Somehow or the other, I made my way up the lift and pressed the right buttons to the 20th floor. Thank god it was the devil's hour of the night so there was hardly anybody lurking around. Down the swanky decorated hall I blindly walked. My temples was throbbing - one helluva headache was on it's way. Oh god, what has happening to me? I was aching and in pain - think hangover and multiply the awful feeling by a hundred. "Daniel!" Shit. The oh-so familiar voice was music to my ears. Well, literally. |
| "What have you done to yourself?!" He gently but firmly held me by my unsteady shoulders as I tried to focus. Freshly showered he was, his lovely black hair still wet and matted. I wanted to touch them. �I feel like crap...� was all I could utter out of my system. I was taken in his room and he shut the door behind us with this other arm. He was practically holding me up as my legs were weak. As he carefully placed me down on the king size bed, I felt such tenderness for him taking care of me like this. My head lay on the smooth satin pillow. He sat next to me and put his hand up to my forehead. "You're burning up," he whispered through the dimness of the light. "Tell me, what happened?" "I was in this bar... had a drink... the drink Daz, it was the drink," I mumbled as coherently as I could, my hand grasped onto his, tightly and desperately. I needed something to hold on. "Shit," he looked at me closely, his grey eyes mirroring only concern. "I think your drink was spiked!" The second those words were out of his mouth, terror struck within me. I knew far too well the stories about spiked drinks. Lethal. No wonder I felt like a raving madman after those first gulps. "I'm calling a doctor." He started to get up. "No!" I clumsily clutched at his arm. My heart had somewhat stopped thundering in my ears now and my head was clearer. "I don't think it was that strong... I'm feeling a little better now. Don't leave me." Through the desperate fragments of my half-broken mind, I needed him. I didn't want this moment to end. This was always how I wanted him to be - with me, always with me. Those crystalline blue eyes peered at me curiously and somewhat hesitantly under those damn lashes. Long curling lashes, what every woman wants and every boy seems to have. I wanted to cover them with mascara and kiss them with my own chapped lips. "Don't leave me." I whispered again. In the dim light, I could vaguely make out his expression. Did I even dare...? A mild expression which I could not place washed over his beautiful features and he softened his gaze towards me. He laid down in bed next to me in his clothes and touched my moist forehead. "All right. I won't leave you. You know that." It was then he suddenly froze. He jerked his hand away quite suddenly as if I burnt him. "Darren?" "What's that on your face and lips?" He slightly narrowed his eyes and looked closer at me. "What?" I reached up, touched my lips and looked at my finger. Smudges of red. Smooth and glossy. Trent's lipstick. "It's all over your neck too..." his voice trailed off. For the first time, he noticed and stared at my half-tattered torn shirt. Our gazes met. I knew what he was thinking. "What happened?" I swallowed. Better to just come right out and tell him the truth. "This... person tried to kiss me. At the bar I was in, where I had my drink. I didn't want to - so we sort of got into a little tiff." He raised his eyebrow, cocking his head to one side. A strange look illustrated on his beautiful face. "Quite a 'tiff' you two had there. Look at all your marks here, boy. My, she must have been strong." But that's where you're wrong, Darren. "It wasn't a she. It was a he." ~~~~~~~~~~ "He..?" The daunting question lingered in the air. I practically dared myself to look at him in the eye. He was looking all shiny and bright to me. His hair glistened and so did his peachy pale skin. Possibly the after-effect of that fucking drug still running hot through my blood. But as I eyed him closer, there was an unreadable expression on his face, something which I couldn't quite put my finger on. For a second I swore it flitted over his face before he went completely blank again. So much a like a doll. Superficial and fake. Plastic. I couldn't get those damn CREAM images out of my mind again. Think. Think straight, Daniel. It's no big deal. "Yes, a man kissed me. He tried to seduce me with his lipstick." I issued a weak laugh. Ha-ha-ha. His eyes widened, round as saucers. There was something about them which seemed not 'quite there' about him. I moved under his intense gaze. Damn, my headache was coming back to eat me. "I never knew you didn't mind men as well." he finally replied. He leaned on his elbow closer to me. I could feel his breath intermingling with mine and all at once, all sorts of nonsensical things formulated in my head. Divine creature this was, he was literally passion itself on legs. I had always had such feelings for him, only I had cleverly concealed my primal urges from the very beginning until now. Ah, now it was so much harder. He was a free man - free to persue whomever he wanted. The precious himself was asking me all these questions we had never asked each other before. Questions which we had never dared each other before. "They are... a lot of pretty boys out there." Yeah, like you. With that he definitely looked interested at my sudden revelation. But no, wait - there was something else too. Only I didn't know what it was. "I never knew that, Jonesy. You've never quite opened up to me before. It's funny... I've always thought of you straight as a ruler." He laughed low at that, sweet and dainty. Was he mocking me again? I couldn't tell. All at once, the ever present bitterness in me returned. The resentment towards him and myself that my deep longing for him would never be the other way around. He stopped laughing and became quiet after a while. I concentrated on staring at the ceiling. Ah Darren, do you even know the breadth and width of true obsession? Do you know what it feels like to linger after your every touch, word and thought? Everything about you seems to complete me. Why am I like this so? Why can't I seem to even let go? And most of all, have you ever been so intoxicated by someone, yet they would never feel it themselves? Human emotions... what are they? To me, they are the constant reminders that we feel pain. Because that's all I seem to do right now. Pining after you. Bidding after you. But you are always so untouchable Darren. "How are you feeling right now"? he asked, feeling my forehead again. The initial contact, so seemingly tender and loving it was, only increased my deepening despair even more. "Just a slight headache." I mumbled, thankful that it wasn't anything too serious. But maybe a little of the drug was still in me. That could explain why everything was surreal to me. I was floating... high up in the clouds where nothing could ever hurt me now. "Hold me, Darren." I whispered, though it scratched my dry throat so. "I'm feeling so scared all of a sudden..." Flashes of bright, bubbly psychedelic lights danced around me. Yes, it was the chemicals still dissolved in my system now. His face was hazy for me to see and I couldn't still my gaze on anything. I think I was at that point where emotions, good or bad, were running rampant and amplified by the shockwaves of the substances. Oh god, kill me now. I felt horrible. "Shit," his voice quavered above me. "You're totally stoned. I'm calling the doctor right now." "No! No no no!" I cried out again and held him down. I wanted his arms around me, I wanted him to hold me. I wanted only to be touched and tainted by him. I just wanted to feel safe. He softened then and his voice became very gentle. He laid down next to me, so close until we were sharing the same pillow. "Alright then, Jonesy." He pulled my blond sweaty locks out of my eyes and held on to my shoulders. "I'll stay with you tonight. But anymore funny things, you tell me straight away and I'll go and get help, okay?" I only nodded and reached out his face. Such a simple gesture but I had to use all the self-will power left in me. He held me close and I nuzzled next to his neck. Do not think about it. Do not think how he's only doing this out of friendship and trust. Do not think how he's not doing this out of the kind of love you only see in make-believe movies. Because everything seems so perfect now, the smooth cool sheets under us, our clothes still on us, the soft fluffy pillow we share, and his arms holding me. Don't ruin the image. I closed my eyes and went to sleep. ~~~~~~~~~~ His lips were pink and soft-looking bathed in the warm morning light. I indulged myself in them, daring my mind to continue it's sin. Still lightly asleep, his right arm was holding on to my shoulder and I carefully sat up, breaking away from his grasp. He looked so helpless lying there. So serene, like nothing could ever corrupt him. Yet the world already did and it was breaking my heart. The media had simply consumed him and he didn't look to be minding the least. How I hated it. Was he mine anymore? Was he lost from me forever? We used to be so close, Darren. Nothing was able to tear us apart. Then this little thing called fame got in the way and things were never the same again. Of course he loved it. Relished every minute of the thought of millions of girls and boys itching to dig every details of our lives. But I never did, mainly because I was so afraid of losing a part of us to the outside... and it did. I couldn't help myself. Such airy-fairy thoughts running around in my head. And everyone thought that he were the effeminate one. "Darren," I whispered. There was a tiny movement under his closed lids. Then his lashes started to flutter and he moaned softly. I involuntarily shuddered. The opening scene was already beginning before it even started. "Mmmmmmmmm..." he stirred and gradually opened his eyes. Such lashes against his cheek. He blinked once then twice, then a slow smile played on his lips. "Good morning. I see you are up." "Morning," I murmured, but already I could feel my heart soundlessly shattering even as I observed this divine creature in front of me. He was so... God dammit, untouchable. Different. He simply wasn't the same anymore. He must have noticed the detached look on my face because he immediately grew concerned. "Dan? Are you okay? You look a little pale. Hey, was it last-" "No Darren, I'm fine." I shook my head a little. "Don't worry about me." He turned to his side and rested his head on his elbow. "Then why are you suddenly looking at me like that?" Because you have grown and changed and I resent that. You have left me behind to pick up the pieces. You are simply not mine anymore. You are public property. "What are we now?" I asked in low voice, cocking my head to one side. I smoothed my tangled mop of fair hair out of my eyes. "Where exactly do we stand?" I wonder if you know the pain... to want the one thing that you haven't got? "Where... we stand?" The question seemed to dreadfully disturb him. Good. "I hardly feel like I know you anymore for some reason." That seemed to caught him off guard. A wounded look spread quickly over his delicate features. "What? Why are you suddenly saying this?" I gave a short, humourless laugh. The pain within me was escalating by the minute. "Don't play games with me. I hate mind games. What I'm meaning is that you've changed so much over that past few months. After the recording of the second CD, you are not the same Darren as I knew before." The cherub was still looking very much confused and utterly hurt. But it was nothing compared to the aching loss I was feeling now. "Daniel, I honestly don't know what to say. I mean, here you go, suddenly out of the blue saying these hurtful things to me?" "Not hurtful, Darren. Well, unless you look at it from other ways." His eyes widened. "What on earth are you going on about now? What have I done?" You have captured me, my sweet sweet love. That was your crime. I am yours forever. "Darren... do you even care anymore? About where this is all going? About us?" "Of course I do care. Stop beating around the bush and tell me what do you want to hear!" His voice was shaking slightly. A guarded look in his eyes. Ah, so I have touched a nerve. A cold delight ran through me. I licked my lips and smiled almost wistfully at him. "You are so plastic. I can't touch you anymore." And with that, I leaned over and placed my lips on top his. His eyes widened in horror as I did so. Our lashes and foreheads were simply against each other as the delicious friction of my lips pressed against his. "Daniel-" he struggled under me, but it was all in vain. I placed my hands to his face and lovingly breathed into him. "Don't." Time seem to froze with that Kiss. So seemingly innocent. Yet it did something. The world stopped. And I think something happened to me at that very moment. A dam broke open in me. A torrent of emotions flooded every sensory cell in my body. Pure and untainted those emotions were, harbouring warmth and... repressed love. Jumbled thoughts coursed through my mind. My hands started to shake as my eyes unexpectedly filled with tears. What on earth was happening to me? Was it the after effects of that cursed drug last night? No. It was simply his kiss, something so intimate that had finally touched my soul. I gazed back into his wide, wide eyes. The same odd expression was on his face, a rather blank artificial stare so I couldn't delve into what he was thinking. I was on top of him, he was under me. Perfect. It was either now or never. Give it to me - succumb to me - fall with me - devour with me - experience with me - love me. Our lips brushed ever so deliciously as I breathed into his mouth. It was a gentle kiss - I didn't want to get too heavy so soon, before I knew his reaction. My heart was thumping in my throbbing temples as I anticipated how he was respond. "Dan." Suddenly he turned his head away and closed his eyes. I think my heart dropped down to my feet that very instant. Just what he was going to do next, I didn't have a clue. I looked down at him, the wide-eyed cherub with prominent cheekbones and a perfect brow. Don't. Please don't. Don't hurt me again... His eyes fluttered open again and they were moist. "Jonesy," he whispered my pet-name with such tenderness, my heart was bleeding. "What was that for?" I didn't answer him. Instead I turned my gaze to my right out to the windows. The sky was a brilliant blue, and not a cloud in sight. There was birds flying. So happy and free. Not a worry in the world. "Are you feeling alright?" "What? Of course I am." Tentative touch on my forehead. "You're burning up. From last night. Do you remember?" "Of course I do!" I snapped back my focus down on him. "Why did you just kiss me?" There. Short, simple and straight to the point. "It was a fucking kiss Darren! Geez!" By this time I was getting thoroughly annoyed. Not to mention more than a little bruised. I swallowed. My face felt hot and flustered. I started to roll off him when in my haste, I accidently hit the back of my head against the wall. I yelped in pain and fell back in bed, next to him once more, though this time I was thankful to not fall on top of him. Immediately he was hovering over me, obvious concern in his eyes. "Daniel, are you hurt?! Are you okay?" Once again I disconnected from reality. I didn't know what made me so impulsive all of a sudden - most probably last night's affair - but I felt a surge of energy pulsate through me, my emotions racing high on feeling. I simply grabbed the back of his head and kissed him. Again. ... For this one time, one time, let my body do what it feels... Don�t turn me away again, Darren. Please. I don�t think I�ll be able to take it. I experienced the biggest shock of my life. Because this time, he responded. He pressed against my awaiting lips and kissed me back. I felt tremours of pleasure zing-zanged through my every being. He was a delicious kisser in every respect. I think I fell in love with him even more in that moment. He put his hand up and started to caress my face. But oh, I wanted more. I pulled him down towards me so he was directly on top of me. I wanted him to feel, to see, to taste my passion for himself. I wanted him to know how much I wanted him, how much I adored him, how much I loved him. I didn't care about the world. We had to part briefly to take a breath. Fire was in his gaze, burning into the very depths of my soul. Staring into each other's eyes, I felt his hand once again touching the side of my face, outlining my lips with his gentle fingers while I wrapped my arms around his smooth neck. "Is this the way it should be? " he whispered, low and caressing. "Is this the way how it always should have been all along?" Yes yes... to be mine... Darren, don't you feel it too? "Yes," I finally answered back, memerised by his dilated pupils. This time he pressed his lips to mine, and I felt his tongue probing into mine to seek entry. I moaned at the sheer silken luxury of it, as it ran along the roof of my mouth, tasting every essence of me. He started to make a trail down my neck, nibbling the skin here and there, sending such exquisite shocks down my body. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, slipping my hands under his shirt to feel his body. Ohhhh yes, it was muscular and strong, just like my private dreams and fantasies had predicted. I ran my hands down his sturdy back, reveling the feel of those muscles rippling under me. "Daniel," he breathed heavily as he started to unbutton my shirt with haste. With each button, I felt myself getting harder and harder at the sheer sight of the raven-haired beauty above me, his face growing moist by the minute. Finally my top was off with one swift movement and he let his hands run rampant over my chest. He covered my hot skin with kisses. I reached out for his top, but he pinned my arms down on the bed and lifted himself up so he was gazing down at me. "Look at you," he softly smiled and wiped the drops of sweat off my forehead. "You are so beautiful like this." "Oh god Darren..." I could barely breathe now. My desire and need for his touch was slowly driving the chemicals in my brain up the wall. I needed his hands over my skin, devouring me, ravaging me... "I want you more than anything else in this world." His face suddenly looked wistful. "You just 'want' me? Is that it?" "What do you mean?" Looking away, he almost hissed: "Don't you have any real feelings for me?!" I grabbed his head so he was forced to look at me. I couldn't believe what I had just heard. Never before had I ever been so sure in my life. "I love you." Tears once again glistened in light above me. "Oh Daniel," he leaned over and kissed me once again. "I've always loved you." I pulled off his top. We were half rolling around in bed, the only fabric material separating us was our pants. In a matter of minutes, though I could not guess how in our blurred fumblings had we done so, they had too come off. And once again, Darren, my darling Darren, was on top of my form, my neck already so intoxicated by his little treats. I knew I would have visible lovebites later with the way he inflicted his passion on me. Our bodies were clinging on to the sheets underneath us, moistened with our sweat as we succumbed to our forbidden desires. Our limbs were entangled. Our lips were positively swollen with our play. "Make love to me Darren," I croaked as I could not withstand the heat any longer. "I want to feel you inside me..." "Are you sure you want to do this?" the whispered question with another tender kiss on the brow. "Oh yes..." Very slowly, he lifted my legs around his broad shoulders and I automatically entwined my ankles around his neck. "I don't want to hurt you," he panted as he positioned the tip of his lusciously hard cock to my entry. I groaned. "No, do it now, please! I want you to be at one with me, like it should be... please, do it now!" I was writhing under his mercy. He leaned over, kissed me lovingly on my closed lids and placed his hand on my own organ. As he started to pump me, he pushed himself in, very slowly, very gently as if I was going to break. I groaned louder. The rhythm of his timing along with him penetrating me was sending me high quickly. The sweat between us was gluing us together and how I loved it that way. The faster he pumped, the further he pushed in inside me. Ripples of hot pain coursed through me and I muffled a scream. "Shit, am I hurting you?!� he gasped breathlessly above me. "I can stop if-" "No!" I almost screamed at him, "Don't you dare stop!" The shudders of pleasure was far overtaking the pain. My whole body was quaking, ready to face the inevitable. As his cries went louder, so did mine. Our movements became faster and faster. Blinding flashes of lights took over my vision. All I could see above me was his beautiful contorted face, calling out my name with such ferocity I had never witnessed before. I could feel my organ shuddering violently by itself, indicating just how close I was to the edge. "Sweet lord..." I whispered as I closed my eyes. And it was the most exquisite experience I had ever had. I didn't really believe I would be able to survive it. Both our screams drowned in lust and harmony when we finally came together, his face pressed against mine, so close that I could taste his orgasm shoot right through me. Muscles quivered with every sensation, every burst of pleasure in our cells. My own cry was foreign sounding to me. I arched my back up once again. It was as if that very instant, my soul had merged into with him as we rode the wave together. My paramour's lips against my cheeks and his face against mine. Glazed dark eyes probing inside of me, sucking me out of my skin. "Oh God Jonesy..." Still panting and exhausted, he raised a trembling hand to my face. I could only try to catch my breath. The moment was ours, all ours. I wanted to savour every moment of it, the picture of him and I together like this, his naked moist flesh slicked with my own body. He pulled out of me then, and I almost pleaded him to come back inside again - fuck, it just felt so right to have him like that! But he collapsed on top of me and I soothed his shaking body into my embrace. I could feel and still taste the hot blood running through his veins. And his soft wet kisses were the last thing imprinted in my mind before I dissolved into darkness. ~~~~~~~~~~ "I still can't believe this.." We were sitting up in bed together, his arm around my waist as I was leaning against his shoulder. It was almost midday and the weak sunlight feebly steamed through the blinds to cast a warm glow to the room. For the past full hour, we had finally confessed to one other the secret and lies that had divided us before. Playing with his fingers which were entwined with mine, I turned to look at him better. "I'm still in a state of shock too. I mean, it never once occurred to me that you would have feelings for me as well..." Smiling sadly, he smoothed a lock of my hair out of my eyes. "All this time... wasted..." he whispered. His eyes watered and I could feel his pain as acutely likened to a knife plunging through my heart. Which it was what it felt like, anyway. I would have done anything to stop his tears from falling. "Shhhh, hey don't cry," I whispered. Reaching out, I gently wiped those tears away, which were silently falling fast down his smooth cheeks. "Daz, we have plenty of time darling..." Don't cry for me baby. You're all worth the time, pain and effort at the end... But he couldn't seem to stop his heartache. Wiping his face hurriedly, he gave me a shaky grin. "I'm sorry, I'm being terribly silly I know. It's just that... well, for so long we had denied each other our true feelings. It just-just pains me so to think of how blind we both were and the mindless mind games we used to play." I wrapped my arms around him, holding him close to my chest. He was so like a child. So crushable. "And what about you saying to me before how I was so plastic?" He pulled away and looked at me in the eye. "You were saying how you couldn't seem to touch me anymore..." I stiffened in my position. You are plastic, Darren. The media has eaten you alive and you will never know it because you crave the attention. Don't you see...? "Daniel?" "It just hurts me sometimes, that's all. To see you give yourself away to the public so easily and readily!" I paused and finally blurt out: "It's like as if you don't care anymore!" Confusion and slight hurt etched its way across his face. He paused and licked his lips. Lowering his voice, he answered: "Do you mean us? I do care about you, you know that." The statement suddenly wounded me. Involuntarily, I slightly moved away from him. "I don't know, maybe it's just me being like this. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said it." I want you to say it, dammit. I'm so sick and tired of playing happy, for God's sake! "Dan...?" "Yeah?" It sounded more harsh than I had intended, but it did produce Darren's expression considerable angst. "Look, I really don't know what to say or do which would maybe change the way you feel about this. But let me get this straight - I'm not plastic for you, Dan. I'm not fake for you." He looked helpless for a moment, looking down to not meet my gaze. When those baby blues revealed themselves to me again, it was the clearest of the blue I had ever seen. "Because Daniel... I love you." I love you. I think I closed my eyes at the moment, letting the dream take me over in its enormity. I love you. There really is heaven existing on earth. It was the second time those three little words had popped out of his mouth, yet it seemed to be purer this time around. He waited with anxious, almost pleading eyes as I turned towards him. But of course, he needn't worry. "I love you too, Darren." And I leaned over to seal it with a kiss. |