Message: 2
   Date: Fri, 12 Jan 2001 15:43:28 -0800 (PST)
   From: cecelia <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: DFWBDSM a question of ownership
 

On being owned...is it possible? I think that depends upon your definition or
usage of the word owned. However, yes I believe it is. Not in the same way you
own your car, however. A better analogy would be a work project. When you accept
a project at work, you "take ownership" of that project. It becomes your responsibility,
it is your baby. You make the critical decisions for it. You decide how it operates. You OWN it.

In this way, yes I do believe ownership is possible. The dominant accepts
responsibility for directing and controlling various aspects of the submissive's
life, which the submissive has agreed to accept direction and control in. In
this way, the Dominant takes ownership of the submissive. (And if ignored or not
properly attended to... there will likely be a change in ownership <grin>)

However it gets a bit fuzzy here, because having defined a cognitive type of
ownership, rather than a physical type... the relationship seems to lend itself
to physical terms and behaviors more similar to ownership of property (such as a
car) than to concepts (such as a project).

To me, those are the fun aspects of D/s... the perks for the work. The physical
control, the protocols, the S/M, the service, the rituals, these are all the
surface stuff. Some, such as the service, are manifestations of deeper feelings...
but not always. And I do not mean to belittle the surface things either. Many,
especially the rituals and protocols, serve the function of reminding both of the
dynamics of the relationship and reinforcing their chosen roles.

Still, it is the underlying power exchange that is not visible to others where
the true ownership lies. What areas of life has the submissive turned over
control to the dominant? Does he set her daily schedule for getting up,
exercising, preparing meals? Does he require he to perform certain tasks for him
every day? Does she prepare his financial records... does He control her
finances? If they live together, do they share household chores as a couple or
is she the maid? Perhaps he is a gourmet cook, but she is the shopper and
kitchen prep staff. Or has she surrendered everything to his control? And those
things she does with seeming autonomy have been previously designated by
the Master as areas where he will allow her to choose, as long as she continues
to choose wisely.

I believe the extent of ownership is virtually unlimited except by the needs and
desires of the couple within the relationship. The less control she has
surrendered...the more she is what I define a submissive. The more control she
has surrendered... the more she is a slave.

That is a fairly simplified description. I do not mean to imply that a check
list could be created and today a sub will decide to surrender items 1, 5, and
7. Each area of control that is surrendered is different and unique.

Responsibilities of the sub:

The sub would be responsible for being sure to communicate to needs and desires
in the areas the Dom has control in. The Dom needs to have all available
information in order to make decisions that are best for the sub. Also the Dom
would need to know all pertinent information, that could impact his decision.

The sub has the responsibility to inform the Dom if something would have an
adverse affect on her that he would not be aware of. And naturally, she would be
responsible for doing everything she could to insure that she pleased him and
served his needs to the best of her ability. It is her responsibility to learn
his preferences (for example he shouldn't need to tell me her more than once or
twice that he drinks coke...) and to see to it that his preferences are catered
to whenever possible.

The Dom's responsibilities:
The Dom is responsible for making decisions based on what is best for BOTH
partners, not just what is his preference or whim of the moment. He would take
the sub's needs and comments into consideration, even if he choose not to act on
what she says... she would be heard. He would also be responsible for enforcing
whatever rules or orders he has given, which would include the administration of
punishment if necessary.

I think both have the right to be treated with respect and dignity in public
(and in private...depending on what is decided as standard and appropriate for
the relationship) and the right to expect each other to work seriously on the
relationship, and to be helping to advance it and develop it into a stronger,
more meaningful one.

Both have a responsibility to work on communication, and to be honest and open
with each other.

The sub not only has the right to expect the Dom to listen to her concerns, but
also has the responsibility to not create nonsense "concerns" just because she
doesn't like something he may have decided.