| Consistency is not a word I have heard often mentioned in the D/s communities,
and that is a true oddity in my mind. In searching through my heart and
soul, I have found consistency to be an essential part of much of what
is taught about a successful D/s or BDSM relationship. It is a foundation
to much of what we hold to be the building blocks of a good relationship.
We hear alot about trust. communication, loyalty, honesty, and others..
so how does consistency apply to these? One need only look at the situation
that must exist for these to function properly, to see its major impact.
Communication
What purpose does communication serve, unless their is a consistent
pattern to be learned from it? A submissive may ask her Master about something
which is crucial to her learning what pleases him. If the answer changes
on a daily basis.. learning anything becomes very difficult. Inconsistency
breeds confusion.
Honesty
If answers to the same questions changes, a persons honesty becomes
an issue in the mind of the person asking. If your submissive is told one
thing, and bases her action upon it, only to find out that what she did
was wrong, based on a different answer to the question which comes later,
who is to blame? The submissive will often blame herself.. feeling that
she misunderstood. She may tear her own head apart, looking for the answer
to how she failed, changing things based on what she feels was her own
failure. Those changes could easily harm the relationship.. the Dominant
may not realize why those changes are taking place. Other submissives may
blame their Dominant, for being untruthful in their response. Either way,
someone is hurt.
Trust
How can you trust someone, who is incapable of telling you their true
feelings? Inconsistency in a persons feelings, makes it very difficult
for you to trust that you will not get hurt by this person. Inconsistency
in discipline or teachings, makes it impossible.
Loyalty
Inconsistent loyalty, is no loyalty at all.
While I have written this from the submissives point of view, these
same concepts apply equally to the Dominants feelings for the submissive.
An inconsistent submissive, who cannot communicate her needs and feelings
to her Dominant in a consistent manner, whose actions towards her Dominant
are inconsistent, may find these other areas are damaged as well.
I am not saying that our moods and feelings shouldn't change, but radical
swings, and contradictory answers should be explained. Otherwise, you could
leave your submissive, or Dominant, confused and angry.
-by kharma{DeS}
Copyright 1998
All Rights Reserved |