| Time: 11:35 I have that I'm a total loser feeling. Like all these little things have as a whole made me feel like a bad person. So, chris asked courtney to ask me if I wanted to go to club M so I called him to say I'm down. we got off track first he wasn't listening to me then he asked me to go then said but you probably don't want to so... and that was the thing that started my down fall it wasn't just that as soon as they walked in my room I felt out of place like I don't fit. Looking at them then at myself made me want to cry. I felt ugly. very unattractive courtney was like lets just find some hot clothes and lets go but I knew my night was shot I felt so bad about myself and was so sad that any last ditch effort to get my to go just made me want to cry more. I told them to go so they did I could tell kat and chris were like okay so I want to go dance this isn't cool. I told them to leave they went. I cried my sister came in and was like okay whats wrong. we talked for awhile and she told me she didn't know about what my friends or anyone else thought but she always thought I was beautiful I started crying really hard I told her that hurts because I want to be able to believe that it's true. I have really low self esteem. sometimes I want to be held or someone to just make me feel wanted. The worst fuckin thing is to feel like nothing just ignored in every way *Leah |