Rating: G
Author: Angel - http://www.geocities.com/ninthsaturn
Summary: Obi-Wan's thoughts as he watches Coruscant's destruction. Blame Jewel's "Hands" for this. :D
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, but God knows I would kill to own Qui-Gon...mmm. Owning Qui-Gon. Which way to the Matrix again? :D
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For the last time my eyes meet the world I've known since my memory begins. So many shadows, so much destruction. So much has happened, things that have dramatically changed all I've ever known. How could this be?
It's cold in the Council Chambers where I stand, gazing out upon a world that is falling apart. My hands are neatly folded within the clean robes but I cannot bring myself to feel as I once felt. So young I had been once. So innocent. Where did those years go? Why did things have to change? I suppose those questions serve no purpose in the asking. Sometimes there is no reason. Sometimes the reasons are darker than I care to imagine.
We will be all right. I have faith in that, even though the evidence would suggest otherwise. What is man without faith? What good purpose does doubt serve? It won't save us from what's to come. What has already begun.
Somewhere behind me I hear something sparking, a reminder that precious time is running out. That feeling of urgency, of impending doom threatens to pull it's shade over my eyes and distract me from the truth. Things seem so hopeless. So unbelievably hopeless. But we will make it through this. The Republic may fall away, the Jedi may die out, but I know everything will set itself right. In the end kindness, compassion and mercy will prevail over this evil. My master would tell me that cleansing hurts, yet even so the dirt and darkness will eventually have to fade away.
I wish he were here still, to guide me and reassure me. But if he were here would I still stand as tall? He taught me to be strong and have courage. I am so grateful for that and my consolation from the loss of him is that I can finally prove myself. I'd like to think he would be proud of me.
But would he be so proud? My failure still hangs over my head. I feel it there always, speaking to me in my darkest moments. Where did I go wrong with him? I can't for the life of me see it. Yoda tells me that it's not my fault, that Anakin was unstable to begin with. Too old, ruled by his emotions. Palpatine's whispering in his ear didn't help, that's for sure. But I tried. The Force knows I tried.
I tried to teach Anakin all the right things, the same as Yoda had taught me, the same as Qui-Gon. I tried so hard to teach him how to withstand the call of the dark. I wanted to gift him with the same strength and sense of right that had been gifted to me. And now an innocent young man has abandoned himself, left behind all that he was and his dreams and Force...I remember those two blue eyes when he was a child, so kind and giving.
I still hear that small voice, asking if I were a Jedi. Dwelling on this will not change what happened. I must remember that because I cannot afford to fail now. A part of me is tempted to simply stay in this room and await death. I hear an explosion and the ground shakes. A part of the temple is now likely destroyed. How can we ever hope to escape?
Despair will not save my life or Padmé's or the future. That thought gives me strength because there is still things I must do. I cannot save Ani, but there are still some few I may be able to help. What I couldn't do must now be forgotten. It's what I can do that is important now.
That ever present familiar sound of a walking stick tapping against the floor catches my attention and I'm surprised that the little master managed to survive until now. His eyes are grave when I turn to meet him, almost as if he knows of the struggle within me. I won't stop now. I won't let the darkness fall upon me. I am duty bound to take up the burdens of those who cannot, but that goes well beyond my vows to the Jedi. Ani will stop at nothing to end the peace and I will fight just as hard against him. No matter how much it hurts, no matter how hopeless it seems.
I glance once more upon Coruscant, bidding farewell to my home. Then I join Master Yoda in leaving the Council Chambers, in leaving behind a part of myself and every Jedi. In welcoming the battle ahead. In the end nothing else will matter except the goodness that was done for what's right. I'm up to the task.