So as life throws me a curve ball�.do I hit it or let it go by. I think that I should just hit the crap out of it.
Bryce has been a little sick baby. Coughing and a visit to the emergency room on Monday night�he had a temperature of 104.2. Poor little guy, he seems to get sick every birthday! When ever he gets sick, I cant help but think of everything this little guy went through. Can you believe that he now weighs almost 29 pounds. I think that is amazing and a miracle.
I think about how hard life was while he was in the NICU and what we had to go through but it was nothing compared to what we saw. WE saw parents that couldn�t come in for a couple of days because they lived so far away. Babies wanting and needing their mommy�s and daddy�s. I tried to be there every day in the morning, afternoon and at evening with Josh! It was hard�it became a routine and it just something that I had to do. He needed his mommy.
I remember holding him�so fragile he was. I was thinking that I might hurt him, or he might die in my arms and it would be my fault. I was afraid that when I was feeding him that he would start to gag and I wouldn�t know what to do. I was holding him and his sats would go down. I was so afraid.
Every morning he walks into my room and gives me a kiss and says Goodbye Mommy. I cant help but smile�.it is the perfect way to start my day~
So�.sitting at my desk, thinking back about the day. It was 2 years ago today that I was in the hospital.
As I lay in my bed, with water weight and all. Like it was yesterday, I see the doctor come in the room. He looks at me and says, �We are taking Bryce on Friday. I feel like I am waiting for something to happen. I don�t want something to happen.� I laid my head in my hands and cried. I can�t believe they are going to take my son. I pray that he will be alright. I was waiting for Josh to come to the room, so I called him and told him to hurry up. He came running into the room and I had to tell my husband that our son is going to be born on Friday. He looked at me and his eyes filled up with tears. We had a moment that we will never forget. We didn�t know what to say or how to act. So I just held Josh and just hoped that everything would be alright! We knew right than and there that we were in for a ride.
Josh went to go get food and as I sat their in silence rubbing my belly, I could feel him move about. I started to sing�.�You are my sunshine, my only sunshine�.you make me happy when skies are grey, you will never know dear how much I love you, please don�t take my sunshine away.� I broke out in a sob. Why? I did everything that I was supposed to do. I followed all the directions that the doctors said. This is all my fault. Please God please don�t take my sunshine away.
3.2.06 9:00am
Josh and Jenny,
Wow...its 9am and I am starting my day with tears just remembering how small Bryce was, and how far he has come. It was so hard to imagine two years ago that he would be such a strong, beautiful, little toddler that brings a ray of sunshine to anyone who is able to experience his smile and hugs. He is the joy in our lives that we never knew before his precious life was blessed to us all. You both have done so much to enable him a wonderful world in which to live. Jenny, your humor and fun loving spirit has taught him that laughter is essential. Your motherly touch, or a kiss is able to dry his tears. Josh with your quiet loving and spiritual nature has calmed him in his times of distress and pain. You are both a blessing to us all, but especially to Bryce. Keep up the great work with the March of Dimes, I am so proud of your dedication to this amazing organization. I watched first hand the work the Nurses and Doctors did 24 hours a day 7 days a week to help Bryce get strong enough to come home from the neonatal intensive care unit. From the state of the art equipment to the people that would come in and play live music to calm the babies. Without the March of Dimes much of what we saw, and many of the babies that went home, would have not been possible. As Bryce's "Nana" I will forever be grateful to all who have helped him become the precious little boy he is today. I love you...... Mom
well, i finally decided to get my act together and start updating the website again. it's come down to this...it's only 2 months till walk america and i havn't done much more than register. AND I'M THE TEAM CAPTAIN! fine example i am.
so i'm sure you've noticed the new look. i've decided the attack the website with a little different approach this year. for now i'm planning on it being a bit more like a blog. jenny and i will take turns sharing feelings and ideas based on what's happening in our lives as it relates to bryce. i hear him crying...he's got a bad cough that won't go away. it often wakes him in his sleep. sounds like jenny went and got him...she'll rock him back to sleep....but the cough will stay. anyway, where was i? oh yeah, so this edition of the site could get interesting with journal style writings of daily events and life inspiring stories of triumph and tradgedy. i went upstairs and helped jenny give bryce a breathing treatment. it seems to have worked for now. i'm not sure if his cough was asthma related or not. thought he was over that "preemie asthma" thing.
so please visit us frequently as we plan to update often. within this site you'll also find a link from which you can contact us. feel free to drop us a line about whatever is on your mind, or maybe about something one of us has written. you'll also find the images page which will be a photo history of bryce's past 2 years. a walkamerica link which gives a little history of the walk and the March of Dimes and what it all means to us. also you'll find links to sponsor jenny and i for the walk, and we hope you do.
peace
josh
