| h e y m y a r m i t c h e s |
2. I'm wearing my mom's pants because mine were too cold and hers just came out of the dryer.
3. I have a fond memory of the Samarai Pizza Cats. If you don't remember them, that sucks.
4. My cousins and I distinctly remember a show when we were little, that featured a man with a banjo walking out of a log. Does no one else remember this?!
5. Why has the word "uber" become a synonym for "extremely". Sounds like goober to me, and
6. Hey me Katie and Deirdre once called ourselves Goobers after watching The Goonies. That was awesome.
7. Do you count Sonic The Hedgehog as anime?
8. Because I don't think he is. But if you do, you know, whatever. I'm just saying, you're wrong.
9. I would love to live at Hogwarts.
10. Know why? Because I love castles. And I love dragons.
11. Aw heck I'll admit it. I have a crush on Oliver Wood too. Even though his character isn't really developed beyond a Quidditch freak. Sean Biggerstaff is hot, though.
12. Is that Ben Affleck?
13. OK, Dad says no. I guess he's too good to make appearances on Food Network.
14. I support Fan Fiction.
15. However, I am PISSED that fanfiction.net took down half the stories. Those bastards! Ok, I understand the NC-17 thing because those people were creepy and SIRIUS AND LUPIN WILL NEVER BE but the music section? I was in the middle of a story! Bastards!
16. What is it with people obsessed with slash stories? Frankly, they just make me uncomfortable.
17. You know Sean Biggerstaff plays guitar? I play guitar too. Common ground, man, I'm telling you.
18. I know what Katy's thinking about now - who the hell is Sean, and what happened to Tom? Well don't worry Katy.
19. One time I was on the phone with Katy, and she told me "There Is" was on the radio, so I ran to turn it on, but I missed it and I cried.
20. And I adopted the SoCal accent from listening to Tom talk so much. I'm afraid I will never hear the end of it either.
21. I can't pronounce the words "spoon" "mad" or the name "Erin" correctly.
22. I named a hermit crab Erin one time. Then she died.
24. It's amazing how you can know a person so well, then can't say the color of their eyes.
24. I wish I lived in Ireland. In a castle. And I wish I was a wizard, and that I had a dragon named Seamus. And I could speak Gailic.
25. I tried to learn Gailic once, by using an online teaching thing. But I gave up after a while.
26. Gailic is Irish, by the way.
27. I also tried to learn Swahili. Steph and I "spoke" Swahili back and forth, but then we gave up. Again.
28. What possessed us to learn that language? I think it was the Lion King obsession, and we needed cool nicknames before we could go into the official chat.
29. We looked up names like "wind" and "pride" or something like that. But no matter what, those other people in the chats were always cooler than us.
30. Oh man Steph, remember when they permanently kicked us out of that chat for talking about hamburgers? Do you? Man that was so ridiculous.
31. I love English, Scottish, Irish, Californian, and Canadian accents.
32. Sometimes, stupid things can keep me awake at night.
33. Like the uneven purring of my cat.
34. Or not being able to remember whether that Hufflepuff's name was Justin Finch-Fletchey or Justin Finch-Fetchley.
35. Oh man and I still don't know. This is killing me.
36. Some parents just don't think before naming their kids.
37. But I do. And I have. And I've decided what my children's names will be.
38. Colleen (middle name undecided) and Shaun Liam.
39. Ah, such good Irish names.
40. Rumor has it, I was supposed to be named Colleen. Or Colin, had I been a boy.
41. So what, did my mom have some sudden enlightening during labor and say "No. Molly."
42. Wait! Dammit! I've forgotten Seamus!
43. Cause see, I love the name Seamus. But I wouldn't burden a kid with that first name, cause it's also silly. But I've firmly decided on the name Shaun... so how can I name him Shaun Seamus? That's just wrong.
44. Fine, fine. A third kid it is.
45. "Hogwash" shouldn't be a word.
46. Neither should "fart". Ugh.
47. "Ugh" should be a word. And I'm sick of Microsoft Word telling me otherwise.
48. You know that dragon I was talking about, that I'd have in my castle? His name is Seamus.
49. I wish I was a faster reader, so that I could buy all those books that I want.
50. Because I hate going into Borders and seeing so much crap I want to read, and then being like "hold up, you're in the middle of three books already."
51. I just gotta learn to pace myself, I guess.
52. Can Missy Elliott honestly just sit down and have a listen to her own music? Or do her ears bleed too?
53. Where's my robot at.
54. No I'm just kidding, I don't have a robot. Wish I did though.
55. Either that or a Frankenstein.
56. Man, my printer is an idiot. Every once in a while he will pretend to print, even though no one told him to.
57. I call it an idiot, but really, inside, I think he's just bored and lonely, and is calling out, "Hark! Give me a job!" And in reply I say, "Nay! I have nothing which needs printing!"
58. A few years ago, my brother and I were completely locked out of the house, so we called mom to let us inside.
59. So she got home and realized she forgot the key. So she took an axe and smashed the window in the front door open. It was pretty funny.
60. But what wasn't funny was having to take down the curtain on that door after we broke it. We never put it back up. To this day you can just stare out that door. And this is possibly the most frightening thing at night.
61. I challenege Jason in my mind, "Come on! Come and get me! I dare you! I'm not afraid of your chainsaw!" But I lie. I am indeed afraid of his chainsaw, and want nothing to do with him.
62. So as I walk towards the bathroom by the front door, I pray to God that I will see no hockey mask staring back at me. Because if my mom could break that window with an axe, what's stopping Jason?
63. Is Jason a ghost or not?
64. If he's a ghost, how can he hold that saw?
65. There's this cat that follows me around. I named him Seamus.
66. He's all white and pretty and he likes listening to me play guitar.
67. The downer is that he's not real. Um, only I can see him.
68. Which kind of sucks cause it's like "Wait, you don't see any cat here?" but it's cool cause it's also like "Man I'll never be alone. I'll always have Seamus around to talk to. Even if he doesn't exist."
69. Dom Monaghan has the funniest chin I've ever seen.
70. But I bet he has serious TMJ with that crooked jaw of his.
71. Is there nothing more satisfying than freshly cleaned ears?
72. Well, perhaps freshly clipped nails.
73. Or newly shaved legs.
74. Whatever suits your fancy, you know.
75. If I see one more site layout featuring Justin Timberlake I swear
76. Oh my god! I forgot all about the fic I was reading!
77. Steph has a list of all the people she obsesses over.
78. So I was all, what you think you're better than me? I can have a list too.
79. So here goes. Or, here it goes. Or here goes nothing. Or whatever you want to say.
80. But it doesn't matter what you want to say, because who's website is this anyway?
81. So here's the list.
82. Number One - Tom DeLonge.
83. Because I didn't even like him at first, so that's what makes it awesome. I saw him at first and was all, "Who the heck are you?".
84. Then I realized he was the funniest person ever and I love him. And if you dare say you love him more, I'll shoot you, because you don't even know.
85. Katy remember that time I cried on the phone when I didn't get to the radio in time to hear There Is? Yeah that was funny. But anyway.
86. Number Two - Sean Biggerstaff.
87. Better known as Oliver Wood from Harry Potter.
88. He plays guitar, he's Scottish, and he's witty. Come on.
89. Number Three - Haley Joel Osment.
90. Shut up.
91. He's so cute. He has little squinty eyes.
92. Shut up.
93. Number Four - Tyson Ritter.
94. The singer from All-American Rejects. He has the prettiest blue eyes I have ever seen.
95. Except maybe that kid I pass in the hall. Those are gorgeous.
96. But Tyson why are you so sad? You're so... "you dumped me my life sucks." Yet you sing it so happy.
97. He'd be my best friend if I knew him.
98. Number Five - Ian McKellen.
99. Gandalf.
100. WHOO NUMBER 100!!!!!2121#.
101. I love Gandalf. Even though Ian McKellen is gay, he's still cool.
102. Remember when Elijah was like, "RAHHHHH! RAHHHHHHHHHHH!" because Ian was telling them to turn the music down. We laughed for so long.
103. Which brings me to
104. Number Six - Elijah Wood.
105. I had the biggest crush on him when I was like, four. Or whenever Flipper came out.
106. Then LOTR came and I was like "Hey! Flipper!"
107. I don't remember that movie at all.
108. But it must have been good if I liked it when I was four. Because I had good taste.
109. Number Seven - Matt Damon.
110. While I hate Ben Affleck, his best friend is cool.
111. WHOO NUMBER 111!!!!!!@#31@.
112. He was funny in Dogma, and convincing in Good Will Hunting and Bourne Identity.
113. Plus he has pretty eyes, and a smoosh nose just like Deryck.
114. Which I guess brings me to
115. Number Eight - Deryck Whibley.
116. LOOK AT HIS SMOOSH NOSE. I just want to press it and be like brrrwear.
117. No I'd seriously make that noise.
118. And at the end of Thanks For Nothing he's got little baby deryck voice.
119. Ok, I have two more spots to fill in this list. But who?
120. Oh my god. I know who.
121. Number Nine - I dont even know what his name is.
122. But he played Cutter in Step Sister From Planet Weird, and Orion in Zenon the Zequel.
123. If you don't remember him, man... well he was awesome.
124. I was all jealous that he liked Zenon cause I was like, "Look man, she's stupid, don't get involved." I was just looking out for him.
125. Hopefully he'll understand once Zenon the Ztriquel comes out.
126. If it ever comes out.
127. I need a number ten now.
128. Sometimes I call my cat Piggums.
129. Because we usually call her Kittums, then I was like "you're fucking fat, you're a piggums."
130. I can't turn my head to the right. It sucks hugetime.
131. I woke up from my nap and suddenly my neck was like, broken.
132. And I want to see what's on the tv, but it's to my right. But then I heard Christina Aguilera singing.
133. Good thing I got those ears, huh? Forget the eyes, I don't need to look at the tv to know it's super-crap-hour on mtv.
134. Last week in English Katie was all "Gym is the ultimate crap zone."
135. And the devil (thats my teacher) was like "KATIE!" and she was all "Molly said it."
136. And I was like "I wish!"
137. I really wish I did say it. I wasn't just saying that. In my heart, I was jealous.
138. Number Ten - Orlando Bloom.
139. I was avoiding putting him down for this, since I already have two LOTR guys here already, and I only like him because he's hot.
140. But then since I couldn't think of anyone, I figured hey, whatever, you know.
141. So there's my top ten list.
142. Sometimes, if I have an empty cup of chocolate milk (meaning that it used to be filled with chocolate milk) next to me, there will be some kind of draft that wafts the smell over to me.
143. And it's like, cut it out.
144. And then I'm like, wait, where did this draft come from?
145. And then I'm like, I want chocolate milk.
146. I need toenail clippers desperately.
147. No wonder I get holes in my socks, I have fucking knives at the ends of my toes. And they're like take that you pathetic pieces of cloth!.
148. I'm assuming the clippers are like, right next to me, but it's dark in here, and my light is hard to turn on, and I just dont feel like cutting my nails right now.
149. After I eat icecream, I have this pathetic cough.
150. Like Eh. Eh eh eh. But I can't help it, it's just how I cough.
151. I called Katy from Boston once, and I choked on a goldfish and was coughing really bad.
152. And all the while she was going "Whoa, I've never heard you cough before. That was weird."
153. And last week at lunch, I choked on my sandwich, but the people next to me were in a conversation so I didn't want to interrupt.
154. So I just didn't make it apparent that I was choking. When I freed the sandwich, and said, "Whoa, just choked on a sandwich there, but don't worry, I got it out."
155. Then I spent the entire lunch period explaining to them why I didn't tell them.
156. Come on. Is it that hard?. I knew I could dislodge myself, so why bother them?
157. And yes, dislodge is a word. I just asked Virgil.
158. I don't really miss Smarterchild.
159. I know I killed him and all, but honestly it's just like whatever, you know? Virgil's around. Plus, he's a good dictionary and thesaurus.
160. Thesaurusi.
161. Thesaurai.
162. I gave up haircuts for lent.
163. Spaminater?.
164. I do not agree with that at all. It should be Spam-eliminator. Because Spaminater's like UNLIMITED SPAM!
165. My mom found a test that I got 102 on so she put it on the fridge.
166. But she didn't know that it was a gym test, on volleyball.
167. No big.
168. You know those disney books, that you press sound effect buttons to add to the effect of reading?
169. I had a Lion King one, and right now I have the hyena cackle stuck in my head.
170. Haha hahahahahahHA ha ha ha ha ha ha HAHAHAHA.
171. That's what it sounded like.
172. And in the reading, Simba says, "C'mon."
173. But I never understood what the hell C'mon was. Like, I knew it was "come on" but how do you pronounce it?
174. I always said "see-mon."
175. Sounds like semen.
176. Are the Get Up Kids from Massachusetts?
177. Cause "Mass Pike" is a song. Whatever, I'm not looking it up.
178. My mom smells like cough drops.
179. Most likely extra-strength cough drops, because I know she's in the room without looking at her or hearing her.
180. And it's either incredible presence, or incredible cough drops.
181. Adrien wrote out all the lyrics to "Colors of the Wind" for me today.
182. omg.
183. The shelf on the computer table just like, broke. That really scared the crap out of me.
184. I jumped and was all "Whoa." But if you think I'm gonna fix it, I'm not.
185. Maaaaam. Mam. Mam mam mam mam mam.
186. That's how I call my mom when I want things. Or if I want to show off something I've done.
187. Like "Maaaaam. Maamamaam. Look what I did, I'm the fricking KING of Jumble Bees."
188. And she'll say something like "Queen, dear." But she just doesn't understand. No one understands.
189. Tune your guitar, that sounds bad.
190. You know, school's over in like, a month.
191. And I've been thinking.
192. Guess I should have started that before school started.
193. Get it? IT'S A PUN of some sort!
194. We were playing knockout in gym yesterday, and Caitlin said "come on, guys, let's get this shindig going."
195. And I said, "Caitlin, I think you're overusing the term 'shindig' and I don't think you know what it means. Knockout certainly is not a shindig."
196. And Chris said "What about a box social?"
197. Then I started thinking about the Simpsons, and didn't listen to what he said after that.
198. But I just looked up the definition for box social, and VaVaVirgil says: noun - a fund-raising event in which donated box lunches r auctioned off.
199. So, I guess knockout isn't a box social either. I just don't know what it is anymore. It's like everything has changed.
200. MollyAwesome: dear virgil, please don't type like an idiot, love molly
201. VaVaVirgil: um... what do u want 2 talk about?
202. It's like, what part of "don't type like an idiot" doesn't he understand?
203. I'm gellin' like a felon.
204. I'm like Majellin, I'm so gellin'.
205. Oh for crying out loud.
206. Dad fell asleep on the couch with his hand in his pants.
207. What is with that?
208. Putting aside the fact that he's asleep like that, don't you guys understand that suddenly putting your hand in your pants when you're talking to us makes us like, wicked uncomfortable?
209. Because a lot of times I'll be talking to my brother or my friends, and suddenly it's like WHOA BE A LITTLE MORE DISCREET.
210. But I digress.
211. I made my lip bleed because 3 Doors Down was on the radio.
212. The car door didn't quite close all the way when I shut it, so I screamed "for the love of christ"
213. The TV was on when I came home, so I screamed "for the love of christ" again and shut it off violently.
214. "Hey Buckethead" said the guy on the TV (I dont care that its on right now).
215. Pat's friends had this thing with Buckethead for a while. First he was a monster in Resident Evil, then he was a really mean cartoon.
216. I don't know what that was all about.
217. He smells like froot loops today. It's like everyday he changes. Usually he smells like sweat and grass and peanutbutter so this is an improvement.
218. Oh check this, I have a bug bite on my butt.
219. And Katy said not to scratch it too much, because then it hurts when you sit down.
220. But Brendan brought up a more important point. How did the bug get on my butt?
221. No nevermind, I don't really care anyway.
222. You know who's a jerk is that guy on MTV2, Jim Shearer. I've got a problem with that guy.
223. And I am not at all fond of Juliya from MuchMusic/fuse. She can shove her heavy metal opinions up her ass for all I care.
224. I just yawned, and whatever gland that lives under my tongue spit.
225. It did it again! This is why I cover my mouth when I yawn. And it's embarrassing when I forget to, and I have to pass in a test that has a spot of water on it. What my teacher must think.
226. Oh I heard today that they are remaking Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory. Marilyn Manson plays Willy Wonka.
227. Forgive me, but that's got to be one fucked up chocolate factory. Remind me not to go there.
228. Hey I'm going to be on MTV, look for me in the crowd during Hard Rock Live - Staind. The camera kept passing right over us, we kept flipping it off. With the middle finger. Because we're mean people.
229. I hope it shows Steph throwing up. That was funny. Sure gave us some elbow room once everyone moved away.
230. Hey eve6, I don't know what to think of you. I certainly like the verses in your new song, and the first part of the chorus.
231. It could definitely do without the "think twice 'fore you touch girl" part. Girl and burn don't rhyme. Whatever, I can only talk about you so long.
232. Rock your socks? What the hell is that about?
233. Rox your sox. Mm no see I don't like that saying at all.
234. Not. At. All.
235. Everytime I see a baseball player slide into a base, I get nervous. Because what if he jams his foot strangely into the ground and ends up collapsing his whole leg? Or flipping his knee cap?
236. That's why I'd just push the baseman over.
237. Oh my God, today at rehearsal, Eric swore. And it was terribly scary.
238. He suddenly went on this banter because someone backstage was talking... "Once during some broadway show I went to, there were these guys backstage playing cards, and the lady on stage got so frustrated that she stopped the whole show and yelled 'WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP'"
239. And we all froze and gave each other startled looks. It really made me uncomfortable because I don't like when grownups swear.
240. Oh you know what really threw me off the other day? Backstage a 6 year old named Angela kept touching my fishing lures.
241. And I was like "look out they're really sharp" so instead she started scratching her forehead and I was like "whoa! you're taking your skin off, don't do that."
242. And she said "oh it's ok. I have a lot of scratches from my brother and stuff."
243. And I said "yeah but still, leave your forehead alone" and she said "but I like cutting myself. That's why I touch sharp things."
244. Rather disturbing for a six-year-old.
245. I watch out for kids like that. Who show signs of future problems. Like that, now there's something that'll mess her up later on.
246. My cousin Griffin (griffin griffin?!?! HAHAHA) is like that too sometimes. Or he used too. He was always so depressed and reserved and quiet and sensitive and he's only six.
247. Whoa. He's seven isn't he? Man.
248. My mom buys a different napkin theme every week.
249. Sometimes it's birds, or ladybugs, or automobiles. This time they have motivational phrases on them.
250. "Reach for the stars."
251. "Live Love Laugh."
252. "Live Life To The Fullest."
253. "Follow You Heart And Dreams Will Come True."
254. I call them my ataris napkins.
255. How'd this little cut get on my pinky? A paper cut, no doubt. They're always showing up.
256. Ok, if I may, I have to write down my kids' names before I forget them AGAIN.
257. If any girl doesn't know what she's going to name her kids (KATY) then there is something wrong with you. These are things you're supposed to know by now.
258. We had a big discussion about this a few weeks back and we all firmly decided the names. Being clever, I decided to choose 6 names. I plan on having 3 kids at most, and I have to plan according to gender. I don't know how many of what I'll have, so I had to pick three of each just to be safe.
259. And I FORGOT all six of them because I'm a bad mother.
260. But after much sleuthing (by searching all the irish names at babycenter.com) I have retrieved the names.
261. Aiden, Shaun, Liam.
262. Colleen, Siobhan, Ava.
263. I had middle names but I've had enough trouble finding the first names as it is, so I'll have to make them up again. Now for my reasoning.
264. Aiden because I just love that name. I don't remember where I first heard it but I love that name and I HAVE to name someone that.
265. Not Sean, not Shawn, but Shaun. I just like the spelling better.
266. Liam because it's my brother's middle name. Plus, Angela has a little brother named Liam and he's a hobbit. No joke.
267. Colleen because it was supposed to be my name (refer back to number 40) and I wish it was my name. So I'll take my frustrations out on my first born daughter.
268. Siobhan because it's my middle name. I used to hate it a lot. In fact. When my brother used to go to his basketball practices, my dad and I would stay home to learn to spell Siobhan.
269. But I hated it and thought it was stupid so I went to his practices. When I got home dad would be like "where were you? we were supposed to spell your name" and I'd say I had been hiding in my closet all night, mustn't have heard him.
270. I like it now, I think it's pretty.
271. I know Katy's gonna give me a real hard time about this (not that she hasn't already) but I heard Ava because of Tom's daughter.
272. But I just thought it was such a pretty name. And I've always liked names like Eva, Ave, Eve, Evelyn (ha tori) and I just thought this was the best out of all of them. I considered Eva for a while, but I decided against it.
273. You know what Katy, shut up. You've never even thought about your kids' names so you're weird.
274. kthxbye.
275. I like peeling my sunburnt ears more than I should.
276. I get really excited when they burn because it's so fun.
277. Dad was just watching little league baseball on tv and he yells "WHAT ARE YOU DOING KID."
278. Like anyone gives twopence what happens in little league baseball.
279. Puh-lease.
280. I've got this weird thing with hating gambling.
281. Holy shit. Pat always makes fun of dad for wearing like an entire bottle of cologne, but his is making my eyes water and he's all the way in the kitchen.
282. It's giving me such a headache.
283. Wait now dad's home, maybe it's just him after all.
284. ...
285. No it's definitely Pat.
286. He left me a Dunkin Donuts bag on the counter this morning, upon which he wrote "Molly - here you go, Big Guy."
287. Nice job, bro.
288.
check289. Steph named him smoofah. I named him Gibbers, but what can you do.
290. Unless... perhaps...
291. Gibbah? Smoofers?
292. The possibilities are endless, it seems.
293. I hate the RIAA. Always suing people for using Kazaa.
294. If they sued me I'd probably give them the finger and kick their shins.
295. The phone just rang; it was for my mom. She wasn't home.
296. He said something about the police, but I don't really know what. I told him "She'll be home around six, I think."
297. "Six?" he said. "Okay, I'll call back then. Sorry to bother you."
298. "It's okay," I said.
299. Why did I say that? Couldn't I have said "No, it's no problem" or "You didn't bother me" or something polite?
300. How can I celebrate number 300 when I am so bothered by my rudeness?
301. I like feeling feverish in the winter.
302. The mystery of <3hjo<34L has spread. Even Coach Drew is aware of it.
303. What can I say. Me and Lauren just love hjo. For el.
304. If one more person says "cowboy up" I just might kill you all.
305. Hey dear asshole, quit being a prick to me. i'm starting to not like you anymore. yours, molly.
306. Dear Artie, will you marry Tori? her name sounds good with yours. Tori Enders. Think about it. Yours, Molly.
307. P.S. This is what part of the alphabet would look like if R and Q were eliminated. Cite Mitch Hedburg.
308. P.P.S. no but seriously. I love you Art.
309. I got into this habit lately of just not finishing my sentences when I type them.
310. If that's not lazy I don't know what is.
311. I just yawned about 50 times in a row. Lately my yawns have been really painful.
312. omg wanna hear my dream.
313. So I was watching some movie with the guy from the OC. Bear in mind, I've never seen the show, so I don't know, but he's hot. I don't know his name, so we're gonna call him OC.
314. And in this movie, this Gollum-like creature with glasses came out of no where and ripped this little girl apart. And I was like, "oh my god! that's terrible!"
315. And OC was like "Don't worry, it's not real, it's just a movie. He's not really killing anyone. See? He just ripped off one too many arms. It's fake."
316. But then why did Gollum with glasses look at me, OC? Why'd Gollum with glasses crawl out of the fucking screen, OC?!
317. I woke up then. It was about 1:30 in the morning, and I didn't get back to sleep around 3:30 or 4. I kept thinking Kittum Bits was going to attack me from behind. Or Gollum with glasses would come out of the closet. Or mom would turn into a zombie in the night and kill me with a knife, like in Resident Evil.
318. So I read some HP4 and got to sleep.
319. He was a scary bastard, no joke.
320. But here's a joke for you guys. There
321. I just remembered I don't know jokes.
322. I used to get my foot stuck in the bed frame on purpose and wait for someone to find me to see who loved me.
323. Eventually someone would walk by my room and see me sitting there biting my thumb and looking all dramatic and say "What are you doing?"
324. And I'd sigh and mutter "My foot got caught."
325. And they'd try to pull it out, which I could have easily done myself as I had skinny ankles, but I'd resist a little to make it seem like it was stuck.
326. And they'd kind of look at me like "...Okay." and leave.
327. And I overanalyzed their reactions because even though they got my foot out of the bed frame--an obvious sign of love--they gave me the feeling that they only did it because I creeped them out and they felt obligated. Ergo, they didn't really love me.
328. I was like 8 I think.
329. Here's my train of thought: bunnies, kindergarten, Butterscotch, Scutterbotch, living room, pink turtle neck, black stretchy pants with the strap that goes under your foot.
330. The kind from the late 80s, early 90s that women like Peg Bundy wore.
331. I wore them too, I can't imagine they'd be comfortable now.
332. Okay, so on rollercoasters I don't really hold out a long AHHHHH but instead more of an ah!ah!
333. And years ago at Disney my .
334. Hold on, mom's making me stuff envelopes.
335. Oh so yeah. Years ago at disney we were on some Goofy Plane ride and to amuse my family I did the ah!ah! scream all through it though it was pathetic and I wasn't scared.
336. And seriously, they still haven't let it go. And I tell them "I wasn't really scared, you know, I just wanted to make you laugh." And they don't believe me.
337. I should stop making fun of myself to get laughs. No one believes me when I say it's not true. It's starting to hurt. A lot.
338. At my Hotmail account, one of the headlines read "Calif. fires affecting stars."
339. And I thought "for real? the stars? this must be some serious shit." Because that has to be a crazy fire that changes celestial bodies.
340. I clicked to learn more and was greeted by the caption "Richie Sambora and Heather Locklear's home in Lake Arrowhead was affected by the fire."
341. Suck it up and deal. I don't care about Heather Locklear's home. Like, a tall.
342. I do care about Jason Tate's home, because he took pictures of the fire and it's wicked close, like just over the hill.
343. I opened a new roll of toilet paper today and there was a ladybug inside. What does it mean?
345. Though we've only had an Advent calendar once (each day had chocolate behind it), and though it was many years ago, and though we forgot about it for weeks and were forced to eat all the candy on one day (by we I mean I)...
346. I still got the anticipitory feeling while standing at the fridge today that soon we'll have an Advent calendar!
347. No. No we won't. We never have Advent calendars.
348. I reached the last page in my diary a few days ago. I didn't even notice it until today when I went to write and there was nothing left.
349. It ended with this:
350. "The worse I feel, the more I say how great I am. And I never mean it. Never. I hate myself and I want to die, how could I possibly mean it?"
351. That seems like a pretty dramatic end, and I didn't even know it was the end.
352. I play saxophone and guitar. My secret little ambition now is to play violin. I really want to. But I'm too embarrassed to tell anyone, so I'll tell everyone indirectly.
353. I'm watching a documentary about President Kennedy's death. Only one guy got a clear shot of him right when he was shot. I had never seen it before.
354. I've never seen anyone get shot in the head for real. He just exploded. That was awful.
355. "What's unfortunate," Dad said, "is that the politicians that you've known, people don't love them as much. Surely people would be anguished if Bush was shot, but they just don't love him like they loved Kennedy. You can't imagine what kind of impact this had."
356. He's right.
357. With a cold always comes soreness at the base of my neck, upper back, I've found.
358. No matter how many times I blow my nose, I still amaze myself at just how much snot I alone can produce.
359. So today in math class I noticed something stuck in my hair.
360. So I tried to stealthily take it out cause you know, it's embarrassing if someone sees it. But I only made it worse.
361. For in my hair was this red glob of something. And when I pulled it out, I. Well I didn't pull it out. I just smudged whatever it was.
362. So that I had a red streak in my hair. And it was gross. And I figured some jerkass jabbed me with their lipgloss.
363. Later, after some intense sleuthing, I realized that a tube of lipstick was open in the bathroom drawer. A piece of it must have gotten stuck in the hairbrush, and I failed to notice until first period. How humiliating.
364. But if you want a cheap way to dye your hair, lipstick works.
365. Back when my grandpa was at the nursing home, they used to make him pay to decorate the Christmas tree in the room at the end of the hall.
366. At least I think they did. And to get back at them he was really sarcastic about Christmas, asking them stories about the Three Wise Guys.
367. You know, instead of the Three Wise Men.
368. I think that's how the story goes. I just remember him calling them the Three Wise Guys.
369. It's a wonder that Pat can play Madden for hours and hours everyday and not get sick of the same 8 songs playing over and over again.
370. While watching a commercial for Survivor: All-Stars, Dad said, "Ethan's coming back, Molly, you'll be glad to hear."
371. As if I had a crush on Ethan. All I said was that I wanted him to win, from day 1. And he did, didn't he?
372. When I deleted Kazaa, I had saved all my previously downloaded files because I didn't want to give up my songs.
372. Now I've decided that I'm going to delete them all. At least, all of those that I can do without. But for songs like "Konstantine" and "Every Shining Time You Arrive," well, I have to keep those because where else can I get them?
373. Then I'll simply copy all my songs from the cds I have and put them on the computer. It's not stealing. Clears my conscience.
374. And, I will keep all the songs I download from the internet, like from mp3.com (rip) and the bands' websites, because whatever.
375. We're having family football time right now. I don't watch football, but you know. Everyone's here, so we'll just call it that.
376. My dad bought a wide-screened high-definition tv and I don't like it one bit.
377. One, it's so bright. Two, the image looks horrible. Everyone is smooshed and fat, and you can see individual pixels.
378. Everyone else loves it, I am just not impressed. At all. Hopefully once the installation guy comes and does whatever he has to it will be better.
379. I used to write scripts for musicals about orphaned animals and I found one the other day.
380. Actually, it was a third sequel for the Lion King, and I had a lot of Swahili in there.
381. Dad just said to me, "You know how when you get a new TV, and it does this scan of all the channels you can get?"
382. Yes, I lied.
383. "Well you can also take off channels. I got rid of the Spanish and Portuguese channels. I almost took off the Church channel too but figured God wouldn't like that."
384. I always want to say bless you when someone makes a slight noise in the silence.
385. Why can't we say bless you to things other than sneezing?
386. Pretending for just a moment that your soul is trying to escape, I see The Sneeze as being the suspcious sneak attack, where you have this feeling someone's plotting something.
387. The Yawn is a temptation, because everyone loves yawning.
388. The Cough is the pathetic attack. If The Cough was a person, they would wear mittens instead of gloves.
389. British people say hiccough. Hickiff? Hikoff? Very awkward, they should rethink that.
390. The Hiccup is the sneak attack. Your soul is like "man I love being your best friend" and you're having a great time and then it quickly stabs you in the back. That's why they usually happen when you're laughing very hard.
391. I can't think of anything else. The point is, Dad hiccuped and I wanted to say bless you but I'd feel weird.
392. You know who's great, is Ellen Degeneres.
393. My mom and I think she is just the funniest.
394. I got two letters for colleges today, my very first two.
395. I'm going to keep them and start a collection.
396. Is that weird?
397. Do I scaaaare ha-errrrrrrr?
398. I HATE when my glasses are scratched. It's like I can't see or something.
399. King of Queens is a great show, fyi.
400. Wow, number 400, I am so bomb.
401. You know what's not funny, is saying that Valentine's Day is really Hallmark Day.
402. Like, okay, I get it, you like to pretend that you hate a harmless holiday. Quit acting like a bitch and enjoy the candy hearts because they are delicious
403. The college letter rush is over. They'll be back.
404. Mom just stormed out of the room all upset-like.
405. As Dad was flipping through the channel I said, "Was that the Sandlot?!" As he continued to go through, Mom said, "No, go back, I want to dance to that song!" referring to Outkast, Hey Ya.
406. I definitely called it first. I just wanted to know if the Sandlot was on. You can listen to Hey Ya any day of the damn week, but the Sandlot isn't on that much.
407. I think I now realize why I always had such a crush on Smalls from the Sandlot, and not Benny.
408. Because he looked like Haley Joel Osment.
409. I had to pee in a cup for the very first time today.
410. They're checking to see if I'm pregnant before I can go on a new medicine. I'm not.
411. It came as a surprise. The lady beckoned me into the hall with that gesture people do with their index finger. The "come here" thing. Then she handed me a cup and said, "I'll need a urine sample, so just put it on the counter when you're done."
412. I was like, "Can I have a drink or something? How do you know I have to pee?" I didn't really say that. And I didn't really have to pee either. Forced it.
413. Over dinner tonight I shared with my dad the whole ordeal. Good times.
414. I was surprised to find myself anticipating Fiona Apple's new album.
415. Something must be wrong. I haven't weighed 111 since maybe eighth grade.
416. I kept going up, until about 118, and at that time I was all into stomach crunches. Suddenly, I'm lazier than ever, eating a ton, and I weigh less everyday.
417. A lot of you hate me when I talk about this, so I'll shut up. I'm just wondering what the deal is.
418. Listen up punks I've been listening to Coheed and Cambria before you even knew that Monstar was deliberately spelled with an A.
419. So why don't you sons of bitches go back to listening to whatever else you listen to. Don't you take this from me.
420. Hey look. 420. Oh who was I joking about that with. Right, me and Jen started giggling insanely at band camp when it was like 4:19. It's not even funny.
421. Aw man I've been talking to Meg's sister the whole time. I thought it was the real Meg.
422. Lauren said today that one would have a very difficult time raping me because I just freeze up. Then I'd kick one's ass.
423. Ergo, I'm the best.
424. I just finished my science binder. Hell is almost over.
425. Ergo, I'm the best.
426. Why do I like watching presidential documentaries so much? First Kennedy, now Nixon.
427. And I've already seen this Nixon one anyway.
428. The voices don't match their mouths though. It's like a split second behind. No big.
429. !!! They said asshole on TV. Nixon said asshole.
430. Why is it that when they censor asshole it's always ass****. Why not ***hole?
431. Last I checked, hole was not a curse word.
432. I just want to kick the crap out of something.
433. And if I can't do that, then I want to go to sleep.
434. But I can't do that either because I have stage band tonight, which totally blows. So I guess I'll have to just strangle someone.
435. MRrr. Oh motherbitch I just stubbed my toe.
436. If I had list of words I hate, "heave" would definitely be on there.
437. Well guess what I just saw? A commercial for Wellbutrin XL. Playa please, I've been on Wellbutrin XL for a year now.
438. It was followed by a commercial for Colgate Simply White Toothpaste with a rude little girl in there.
439. The inside of my nose is all bloody, but I don't have a bloody nose.
440. These aren't funny anymore. They're just thoughts that are too short to be made into entries. When I have my own domain name (mollyawesome.com, I presume,) I will have the main part with all the long stuff I write, and then a side area with stupid comments about upsetting phone calls or new breakthroughs in the SSTB plot.
441. I can't help it. I am so in love with Ender it's ridiculous. Like, WHY can't he be real? whywhywhywhy
442. Man, when Novinha left him I started crying. She was like, "You can save the world well enough, but you're terrible at loving me." And he was like "...But I do love you." And she was like, "Psh. Yeah."
443. And I was like, I love you Ender! I wish I knew just someone named Ender, that name's so badass.
444. I'm starting to like Peter now too. Or at least not hate him so much. Even though he's still a major prick. It's probably because his name is Peter.
445. Last night in Best Buy while looking through the CDs, a store manager guy started following Steph and I around.
446. It probably started when I pointed to JC Chasez and said, "I thought his name was Shithead." Then pointed to Hilary Duff across the aisle and said, "Oh wait, that's you." I think he heard me.
447. So he came up to us and said, "Can I help you with anything?" And I said, "Oh, no, thank you." Then he was definitely following us. Steph and I are probably the least likeliest (it's a word) people to steal anything, espsecially something like a CD. I had a lot of money to buy CDs with.
448. Then, when he wasn't looking, Steph took every last one of the Hilary Duff CDs and stashed them several aisles over in a section no one ever looks at so Lizzie can't make any money.
449. Then, just to spite the jerk, I took my business elsewhere.
450. When fastening your pants, do most people button before zippering?
451. Katy and I were watching The Breakfast Club and someone buttoned before zippering. And I was like, what the hell was that? And Katy said that's how she does it.
452. So am I like a weirdo for zippering before buttoning? No wonder people have their fly down all the time, you save it for last!
453. This Chapstick smells like... vanilla playdough.
454. Playdough was delicious I think.
455. I don't care what you say. I think that everyone is capable of singing like Claudio. Maybe not in front of other people, but don't lie. When you're alone, the beginning of Delirium Trigger is easy as pie.
456. Because it's a beautiful day, Wup and I were just outside playing catch. She's not all that good at it because she refuses to give the ball back.
457. Anyway, so she went to fetch the ball in the garage, and there was a bee the size of my thumb there. I kept saying, "Ooh get away from that he's gonna sting you. Hey. Get over here." But she wouldn't listen.
458. Then she ate him.
459. She's really good at catching bugs. She sucks at catching a tennis ball, but she can snatch a fricking bee out of the air. She started gagging but she seems fine now. I imagine the sting-gah didn't go down well.
460. I call my dog Wup. Because my mom loves to say Pup The Wup, mostly because it doesn't make sense. So lately I've just been calling her Wup.
461. What the heck is it called the birds and the bees for. It should be more like the bunnies and the puppies, because bunnies love having babies and dogs love people; some people more than others.
462. Birds and bees are the two animals I could never imagine doing it. I never even thought they did.
463. I just pretend they don't.
464. I really don't mind the doctor. In fact, I enjoy the doctor.
465. I used to get ...some lady whose name has just slipped my mind. But now I always get Michelle, who looks like Tom DeLonge's wife, which freaked me out the first time, but I don't care anymore because she's very nice.
466. The doctors always talk to me like normal. They ask me questions unrelated to my physical well-being and just ask if my grades are good or if I've been feeling irritable towards friends lately. This could be because I was sent to Dr. Mendes a few times and had to show him every cut and explain why, so maybe they're still checking up on me.
467. Either way, Michelle is wonderful to talk to. And it humors her how ticklish I am so I make it very difficult for her to press on my stomach. Why do they do that anyway? Unnecessary--all of my proper organs are in there, and I doubt you'd notice if one of them was gone.
468. Another good thing about going to the doctor is to hear her tell me, "No, that's not cancerous."
469. After years of worrying before getting the nerve to ask, you have no idea how relieving it is to hear that.
470. "Plateau" is one of my favorite words.
471. Why does the order of strengths on fans go 0-3-2-1. Why isn't 1 the first one.
472. "The Tuxedo" is easily one of the worst movies I've ever watched. It was so bad that I couldn't change the channel.
473. I like when a doorbell sounds on the TV and my dog starts barking.
474. It's been over a year and I am still shocked by how obnoxious McDonald's commercials are.
475. Ask me about my Toyota or I'll cut you.
476. Hilary Duff. Lindsay Lohan. Ashlee Simpson. Hulk Hogan's daughter. These are the people who shouldn't have record deals and do.
477. I'm a well-wisher, in that I don't wish you any specific harm.
478. EARL. Electronic Automatic Robotic Lighthouse.
479. This is a good Simpsons' episode. The Chilli/Soul Mate episode.
480. I love Ryan Dunn, but I wish he'd get rid of his stupid beard.
481. My house is full of earplugs. I found some and now I can't. stop. smooshing them.
482. God, they're just so resilient.
483. I recently found that I have a birthmark. You'd think after sixteen years I'd notice it, but I never did. It's a big spot about the size of the disks for GameCube. The width of a muffin. It's on the small of my back, so I guess that explains why I've never noticed it.
485. I walked into the elevator yesterday at Emerson and there is a shiny gray rectangle on the wall. I said, "Is that a mirror? No. Well it looks like one." It's okay to have conversations with yourself.
486. It was a lot funnier then than it is now.
487. Is it wrong that I have a crush on my teacher?
488. Do you know what I just realized.
489. Well, first I realized that I missed The Days finale last Sunday, so they better play it again tomorrow night.
490. The other thing I realized was that I have been in love with Evan Peters for longer than since I've been watching the show, which has been about two weeks.
491. Because he was the boy in that Progressive commercial!
492. I know! I couldn't believe it either. But it's true. Which means that me and Coop go way back.
493. Which means thank you very much Tori for introducing me to the show.
494. Peanuts the cartoon reminds me of Grandpa Griffin.