| a d a y l a t e |
November 27, 2004
For My American Lit. Class, Which I Hate
Instructions:
Quiet Reflection: Thoreau was of the opinion that we all need time for personal reflection. In today's frenetic world, many of us cannot empty our minds long enough to be at peace. For this activity, you will be spending approximately 1/2 hour outsides (a/n: I did no such thing) so pick your day wisely. Find a safe, quiet spot outside--the beach, a pond, a garden or wooded area. Spend the first ten minutes emptying your head of all those racing thoughts. Spend the next ten minutes simply observing & being. Take the last ten minutes & free write about whatever you would like! (a/n: You got it!!!)
I should be filming a movie for history at Lauren's and Adrien's right now but our plans have gone awry. It better work out tomorrow. Each day that I put off getting a job is another day that will come back to kill me. If I had a job I could buy presents for people with hard-earned money. Instead I'm stuck exchanging coins and buying my mom's gifts with her cash. This makes me an awful person. God it is cold out here. I'd wear a jacket but I haven't owned one in 3 years. Mom tried to get me a new one, and I would have gotten one except I was in a bad mood and when I get in bad moods I deny myself of the things I need. I don't need a jacket. I don't need to eat. I don't need to sleep. I don't need to pee. Consequently, I become more irritable. I wish that scarf I'm knitting was finished so at least my neck isn't cold. I don't want to give it to Lauren anymore, I want to keep it, because it is my very first item. I think I will. Knitting has made me realize how much time I waste. But I hope to become so good that I can start a business and sell things online and make money that way. My hand has turned an awful combination of pink and purple and it hurts to write, but I must, for the grade, because the grades are all that matter. And by matter I mean all that I can do. Good grades don't make me feel good but bad grades make me feel worthless. My cat has been missing for almost 3 months now and I know that he is dead. This is awful because I have had him since second grade and he was the only living creature I was sure loved me. And when he peed on my clothes I knew it meant that I was his favorite. That he's dead has turned my life upside-down. I don't like the thought of his corpse lying frozen to the ground, buried under the hundreds of leaves I'm staring at. That he's dead before he was ten years old has turned my life upside-down. Mom just brought me a peanut butter sammich, golfish, and chocolate milk. I know it's Nesquik because one of my hidden talents is that I can identify brands of chocolate milk. Another is that I can bend my finger back and touch the back of my hand. Another is that I can spot grammar mistakes and inconsistencies from a mile away. I would like to start spelling favourite with a u. I spell theatre with an re, not at er. ER is a boring show. I don't care for medicines or the body; that is why I dropped biology and also why I don't take care of myself. Yesterday we got a Christmas tree and when I look inside I can see the lights (white lights, because colors are tacky) reflected off the Norman Rockwell painting on the wall which, incidentally, is of a boy discovering a Santa costume in his parents' wardrobe. I always thought this was a picture of my dad because the house looks like my grandparents' old house. They're dead now. Valentine's Day is never happy anymore because that's the day Grandpa Griffin died. Dad said the last thing Grandpa ever asked was "Did Molly play loosey-goosey?" because I used to play basketball and sometimes I was too uptight about it. Now, five years later, Dad still says "loosey-goosey" and I think it's inadvertent. Incidentally, the last thing Uncle Peter said to my Grammy before he died this year was about me and my music because we were the only two musicians in the family. That he's dead before I got to play with him has turned my life upside-down. That he's dead before he was fifty years old has turned my life upside-down. This is evident by the way I can never ever stop thinking about it.
Lisa's photo inspires me to write. Why, I don't know.
I hope she's okay with the direct linking.
November 25, 2004
It Just Is
The problem with Thanksgiving is, every year I go into my aunt's bathroom and crycrycry until a cousin knocks on the door, in which case I leave and sit in the same wicker chair until we have to leave, for which I am thankful. Every year.
November 22, 2004
You're Turning into Your Grandma, I Hope You Know
Everyday after school, I watch the Ellen Degeneres show at three, Oprah at four, the news at five, and all the while I am knitting.
November 5, 2004
The Narration that Just Occurred in My Head #2
I never understood what people meant when they said their thumbs split open until I fell on that knife.
November 4, 2004
It Is the Only Word That Matters
I remember learning to write, but I only remember learning to write one word, and that is "LOVE."
November 3, 2004
I'm Selling People Things They Don't Want
Sometimes when I am having writer's block I lean back in my chair, close my eyes, and type whatever my hands feel like typing.
"No one understood the consequences."