Griffin's Law of Chicle -- Anything that is not bubblegum should not taste like bubblegum.

Griffin's Law of Supernatural Point Systems -- With each Scenester point one gains, another God point is lost.

Kerr's Law of Silence -- When I say so, shut the hell up.

Kerr's Law of Personal Space -- All you punkass bitches stay away from me.

Griffin's Law of Keeping Friends -- Stay what you are.

Griffin's Law of Vocal Capabilities -- Without exception, every person is capable of singing like Claudio. This is best achieved when alone in one's own house.

Kerr's Law of Vocal Limitations -- All Coheed and Cambria songs are best sung at the top of one's voice.

Griffin's Law of Consumer Product Departments -- If all the stores in the world had to blow up but one, Jo-ann Fabrics would still stand.

Griffin's Law of Summer -- Summer is never as good as you anxiously expect it to be. Never.