August 26, 2005
Zero Sense
Why do I keep having this awful urge to start calling myself Griffinwhore?

August 7, 2005
Celestial Seasonings' Madacascar Vanilla Red Tea
I'M HANGING THIS ON THE WALL IN MY ROOM.

A LION DRINKING TEA. HA!

August 4, 2005
Orinar
Recently I needed to go pee while at the movie theatre, so I got up during a ten-minute chase scene and went into the bathroom. I noticed the first stall I entered had no toilet paper left and went into the one to the left of it. Moments later, another woman went into that stall. I felt bad when I heard her pee.

"Do you think you could spot me some toilet paper?" she said a few moments later.

I waited to hear if she had a friend with her to whom she was speaking.

"Er--to your left?" I asked.

"Maybe?"

"Of course, hang on!" I started trying to pry the dispenser open. "I--can't seem to get it out."

"There isn't any just around?"

I went into the next five stalls, as if there would be an extra roll just hanging around.

"I'm sorry!" I called pitifully. "I can't get any open!"

"Oh, alright. Thanks anyway!"

"Sorry!!"

"Don't worry about it! Thank you!" she said cheerily. Like it wasn't going to be a problem for her.

August 4, 2005
The Reality TV Show that Just Occurred in My Head
Your life isn't gonna be pampered... it's gonna get VAMPIRED.

August 1, 2005
What Dad Said When He Woke up and Saw Family Guy On the TV
"You--you don't get too many cartoons with Brian in em nowadays."

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