April 8, 2004
There's Just Something About Telling You You're Not Clever

Dad told me not to be so rational all the time. Not to take things so literally. Not to "burst anyone's bubble." I wouldn't do that anyway, I'd get gum all over me, and everyone knows I hate gum. So I try not to ruin your fun if I can help it. But I'm sorry, this just doesn't make sense:

If irony were made of strawberries, we'd all be drinking a whole lot of smoothies right now.

Okay what.

First, let me just say that with singular words, such as "irony," you're sort of supposed to use "was" instead of "were." I discussed this with Steph, and yes, I guess it has been accepted to use "were" with singulars, but... I don't accept it, that's all. Especially in this case.

This clever saying isn't clever at all. It doesn't make sense. What are you implying? Again, I asked Steph, and we agreed that it just... we can't figure out what you mean. Dad tells me not to take things literally, but sometimes you have to. Are you saying that strawberries, which represent irony, is blended with... well, nothing else, because nothing else is included. So the strawberries are put in a blender, which is us perhaps? We are the blender? And this strawberry irony is blended alone inside us producing... smoothies. Except there's no other ingredients so it's more like strawberry paste. And I guess we all drink a lot of strawberry paste because we blenders have so much irony. mkay.

I asked you why you say these things. Why this is a wise saying at all. I've yet to get a response. You ignore me, change the subject, or tell me to stop taking everything so serious. I just want to know what it means.

So, because no one responded, I took it upon myself to look it up. Of course. I should have known. South Park said it. And South Park is sooo funny. Except South Park isn't funny and I don't like it. The only cartoons worth watching on TV are The Simpsons, Family Guy, and Futurama. You can all go blend some irony up your ass because those shows can beat South Park any day.

I don't think you understand the meaning of the clever phrase either. You just quote it because, 1) it's from South Park and South Park makes good points (ps. not.); 2) it's got the word "irony" in it so it makes you sound very insightful; and 3) you like strawberries. This phrase knows as much about irony as Alanis Morrisette does. Rain on your wedding day is unfortunate, not ironic.

If that upset you at all, I'm sending a middle finger your way.

- Molly{4:37 pm}

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