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October 19, 2003
I don't really like autumn and I've made a point of telling people that. No it's not a morbid thing, like autumn is the season of DEATH. everything DIES. And I'm not trying to be different, contrary to what mum may think. It's not that everyone seems to love autumn all of the sudden, because I've never been terribly fond of it. There are too many pineneedles on the ground and I can see my neighbors' houses through the trees and the smell of wood burning burns the backs of my eyes.
Today was different, though. This afternoon was different. I just went up to my room and lay in bed and read. And it was raining a little, and the sky was overcast, and though my parents were home I felt like I was all alone. And Mo came inside and he's bizarre so he slept under the covers. I call him my cub scout because he likes making forts. I put in my Early November cd and read The Perks of Being A Wallflower. And I have an electric blanket. And Mo loves electric blankets, and he loves books.
The cd played over about five times. After I finished the book, I read a Spin magazine interview with Chris Carrabba. I just lay there reading and listening to the same perfect songs over and over for about three hours. And the entire time, my house smelled like Christmas and spice. Like I lived in a gingerbread house, except I wasn't allowed to eat the walls.
Then I went downstairs, perhaps to find the source of the smell, perhaps because I had been reading for three hours, perhaps because I was hungry. For whatever reason, I'm upset I did, because then things went bad. I don't want to say them anymore because they will seem so insignificant to you, and you will think I'm overreacting. But Charlie said he'd never tell you that other people have it worse, because you still have what you have. And it doesn't make you any less important.
I'd much rather listen to Ace tell me about... everything. Than listen to football and my parents. I'd just rather sit in my room and read with my cub scout than come downstairs and mingle. I'd rather be there right now than tell you all of this.
And the house doesn't smell like Christmas and spice anymore.
- Molly{7:08 pm}
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