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September 11, 2003
I was sitting in my room, the green one, as I had done for the previous four nights. The only light I could see by was the computer monitor and the small orange glow from the stereo, which was playing "Clumsy" and "Superman's Dead" by Our Lady Peace again and again and again. For hours I sat there writing stories. And now I can't listen to those songs without feeling alone and tired.
Nor can I go into the green room (I have since moved into my brother's old room) without feeling uncomfortable, because of the countless nights I lay in there listening to the same songs on repeat.
Vertical Horizon's "Everything You Want" was one of the unlucky albums that got worn out. I tried listening to it a few months ago and the feeling was overwhelming. I had that album in play all throughout sixth grade when a ridiculous fourteen-year-old told me she was going to sue me for stealing her graphics. Petrified for nearly a year, I listened to that album and cried because why was she so mean? Trying to listen to it now is like a fresh wave of guilt washing over me--yes I stole her graphics. But she didn't have to be that awful about it.
Jimmy Eat World, on the other hand, always brings about good feelings. I don't know what was going on when I got that album, but it must have been good because I get so excited when I hear that cd. And when I hear Clarity, I feel all content because I got the cd on Christmas and I liked Christmas this year, overall.
Dad says the same thing happens to him. I guess he had this big game to play when he was in college, and he heard this song on the radio while driving to the venue. And now whenever he hears that song (whatever it was) he has this overwhelming sensation of being immensely nervous.
Similarly, when I hear "Into The Dark" by the Juliana Theory I remember being there when they played it; or "Cars and Calories" by Saves The Day, when I felt so bad because they had very little response from the crowd. Dear Chris Conley, I thought you were great, Love Molly. Or "Leaving" by the Starting Line, which was playing when we all said we loved each other and we would never leave.
I'm sure in a few years I'll be affected in the same way by what I'm listening to now. My playlist seems to read my mind and always chooses a song according to the situation at hand. Like when it plays "Overdue" by the Get-Up Kids when I stare at my buddy list for hours just to see your screen name there. Or the Postal Service when it's three in the morning and it's raining and we've just agreed that it wasn't worth it. And Staind when I hate you so much but I don't know what to do so I just go and sleep for hours on end.
I wish it didn't affect me so much. It's been years, and I still can't listen to those songs anymore. I probably won't ever be able to again. Shame; I liked Vertical Horizon.
- Molly{6:47 pm}
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