June 30, 2003
I Thought Some Daisies Would Cheer You Up

i walked down the road on a fine thursday afternoon, around 1:30. i was heading to steph's house to feed her enormous cat. and a school bus turned the corner with live children in it. it took me a moment to remember that not everyone got out of school wednesday.

"HOW'S IT GOING," one kid yelled out the window at me.

it was rather bright out, so I didn't know where I was looking. I scanned the windows with a look-i'm-older-than-you-so-don't-talk-to-me elitist expression, hoping whoever yelled at me would get the idea.

"BYE NANCY."

"WE'RE FREEEEEEEEE."

Why people still name their kids Nancy is beyond me. And why these kids were so excited is as well. I don't think I've ever gotten really excited about summer. For all of my elementary years, I had to spend every day at a babysitter who fed me some strange kind of bread and believed that the first of May is Fairy Day. So I suppose I always dreaded summer for those six years. I don't even remember middle school summers. I just know I wasted them. And now, I can't even imagine screaming "We're free" out the window of a bus.

It's nearly July and I have done nothing. I knew it would happen, because that's just what I do. I wake up every morning between 11 and 2, immediately play sims, and then make vague plans. Unfortunately, we all suck at making plans, and I end up doing nothing. And I think it's catching up with me.

"I contacted Christine," my mom said this morning, "and I ordered you more medicine."

"Ok," I said.

"I've been noticing they aren't really disappearing... you have been taking them, right?"

"Yep. Though I wake up pretty late so I forget some days."

"Yeah," she dismissed. "Put the bottle in the bathroom so that you'll remember."

We were speaking on the phone, and I knew I would forget her suggestion, so I put the bottle in the bathroom like she said. It used to be on my bureau, and she couldn't look at it as often. Now that it was in the bathroom, I figured I'd have to start taking them again. "There's enough in there for nine more days, that's about right," she told me three days ago. There were still that many. So as not to worry her, I took six pills to make up for the lost days. I'm not supposed to do that, but whatever.

But now I think it was a bad choice, because it made me sick. My stomach is churning and I'm trembling a lot. And it's making me angrier, which shouldn't be. They're happy pills, shouldn't more make me... happier?

This summer is stupid. I was getting better towards the end of the school year... A bunch of you commented that you were happy to see me happy. And I kept going around saying "this is gonna be the best summer ever!" But it's worn off now that I've realized "this is gonna be the same summer as last year!" So I just have to hide in my room for a few days and let it all wear off.

I can't concentrate on what I'm writing. I'm sure most of those sentences have nothing to do with the former or following sentences. I can't type, I'm shaking. I can't think, I'm breaking down. Just give me a few days.

- Molly{11:00 am}

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