June 8, 2003
I'd Sleep But There's A Dead Rabbit Under My Bed

so there i was, sitting at my computer in my room, playing solitaire, when the familiar sound of scrambling and mewing came from outside my window. at first i got all freaked out because it was just two yellow globes without a face staring back at me, but not many ghosts come to my window at night. so i opened it to let kittums in.

"oh no no no," i whined as she jumped down to my floor.

in her mouth was some kind of rodent, i didn't really know what. but just the fact that it was a dead animal sort of bothered me. i stood in the bathroom across the hall, beckoning her to eat it in there because there was no way in hell i was going to save it. usually if she brings home a live one, i'll chase her so the animal can have a getaway. but we were all the way upstairs, and the thing was lying limp on my floor with its neck twisted backwards. so i kept meowing at her, begging her not to eat it in my room. last time she did that, i had a squirrel tail under my chair for about a month. wasn't like i was gonna pick it up or anything.

everytime she would bend down to it, i'd think she was biting its head and my hands would snap up to my ears. i've heard her eat numerous animals in my lifetime, and the bones are just gross.

"missum that's a bunny!" i said after closer examination. indeed it was a bunny. a rather small one, could probably fit in my palm if i had the urge to pick it up. it lay on its back, its head twisted towards me, peeking out from tiny beady eyes. mo came over to investigate, poked at it a little with his paw, then returned to his observation spot under my chair. i went into the bathroom for cat food to lure her out with. but just then came a loud snap and a last feeble kick and cry from the bunny.

i went back in, but the cat and bunny were replaced by a nice spot of blood on my carpet. i took a picture. and i saw bits under my bed, fighting with the bunny which had caught itself under the radiator thing lining the wall. i went back to my computer, hoping she would just give up. i mentally named the bunny beans. but soon i heard the crunching. i blocked my ears. i turned on the ataris. i did everything to keep out that awful sound. but after what seemed like ten minutes, she was still eating it. and by then the room had begun to reek of death. seriously.

so, i came downstairs armed with an mp3 player and a diary, and sat on the couch with my feet on the dog, writing. at 12, i figured i could probably go back up there, but she was in there. and she'd probably sit on my head as soon as i got in bed and it's like "you just ate a fucking bunny in my room, get away from me."

so i considered just sleeping on the couch, but something about my living room at night makes me uneasy. i feel vulnerable and cold and i hate waking up with someone else there watching tv, who will probably exclaim something like "boy you sure had a long nap!" or something lame and frustrating. i could sleep in the no-one-ever-goes-here-but-it-has-a-fireplace room, but it's cold and uncomfortable. i could sleep in my old room, but it's all vacant and i'd feel exposed. and there are spiders in there. so i really don't know what i'm going to do.

i could name a million things i don't like about my house. the lack of curtains. the cat hair. the dog hair. the skylights. the way every room is connected to every other room. the way sound travels too well. the way my jeans have a hole in the crotch. the way that had nothing to do with my house. the way we have no spare blankets, save a WWF bedspread and a barbie sleeping bag. the smell of cat piss upstairs. that black gate thing that blocks the dog from getting to my room, and blocks the cats from ever leaving, and has sharp points, and can really be a nuisance when you have to run to the phone and its just there.

but i digress. i should sleep. so goodnight, house. goodnight, kitten. goodnight, beans. goodnight, britain. goodnight, cow. goodnight, moon. goodnight, cow jumping over the moon. and i don't care that that was the stupidest thing i've ever written. because these little things are not worth staying up for.

besides, you know what kris told me? life aint all that bad.

and i guess he's right.

- Molly{2:18 am}

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