October 28, 2002
Oh Right. Buy Me Stuff.

Dude, losing does suck. Not getting stuff does suck. I want material possesions! I want recognition! And I'm not going to act like I don't!

Yeah, you can just go ahead and say you don't want things for Christmas, or whatever holiday you celebrate in which presents are exchanged. I don't care how many times you tell yourself that, presents do count. And the thought only counts if effort was put into it. And if it cost something. Hypothetically speaking, I hope that if I have kids, they won't making me any fucking macaroni cards or bring home plants from school. Plants! Seriously guys! What do I want with a plant!

And when I say effort is put into it, I don't mean they spent a few hours making it. I mean there's real thought behind it. I hate when my mom gives someone money for their birthday. Because she always fills it out in the car just before we get into the driveway. Seriously, every birthday, we pull over to the side of street about 2 houses down so that she can write out a check, I can sign the card, and then we try to make it look like we care. Cards and money don't mean care. Presents mean care! It doesn't matter to me if I sound like a selfish (..did I spell that right? selfish? selfesh? no, i was right. Now I've lost my sentence. I'll try again.) I don't care if I sound like a selfish, arrogant teenager who just wants presents. Because admit it, you want presents too! We all do!

I remember years ago, it was Christmas Eve, and we were all at my aunt's house, because that's what we do every year. And I saw my mom crying, because out of everyone in my family, she only got one present. Presents do count. They make you feel special and wanted. I didn't understand then, I thought she was overreacting because she was an adult, and she was crying over presents. Even I thought I had outgrown them. Last Christmas, I convinced myself that I didn't care about it anymore. But it's just not fun to go downstairs Christmas morning, and for nothing to be there. Not a single gift under the tree. I went upstairs and cried. I finally told my mom about it, and recently she's been asking me to make lists of things I want. Because she feels so guilty about last time. It's not her fault, I'm the one who said I didn't want anything, but I guess I expected for her to find that one thing I may have absentmindedly expressed interest in? Maybe? Oh I don't know.

I cried when I found out I lost the regional science fair, after winning first place at school. I sulked after every basketball game I lost. Yesterday I spent the entire day at MICCA, a marching band competition, and there were a lot of bands there. I don't know exactly how many, but a lot. And we came in last out of all of them... I don't know how we managed that. We weren't even that bad. I wasn't expecting gold, but at least a bronze. But Medal of Merit? That's as low as you go.

We all celebrated our loss immediately, laughing hysterically at the position we were in. At the time, we didn't realize we were in dead last. The bands around us just stared, not quite understanding how we could be reacting like this to the news. Then we it was all done, we kind of stopped, as it hit. "Wait, we came in last?" Some cried, some bitched, some stayed quiet, and some just didn't care. Well winning matters to me. And man does it suck to come in last.

How embarrassing.

Wait. I'm not done. I know very well that I'm jumping around here. I still want to talk about presents. I want them. I want things. I don't know what things, because that's your job. It's your job to find and get them, and my job to receive them. That's how it should be. You can't ask someone what they want, because that's pointless. Then they know what they're getting. It's even worse to say, "Oh I want this" and find out that person didn't even get it! What kind of deal is that! The only people I will give a list of things I want are my parents. Because if they mess up on the gift giving, they have to live with me. And man...

Wait what was I saying.

Oh right. Buy me stuff.

- Molly{4:43 pm}

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