September 26, 2002
Student Government

Why does school try to get into the spirit of student government. I don't believe any of it.

I never thought class president was a real thing. First of all, for the past 7 years, I thought it meant presidents of individual classes. As in, I'm Math president. It only dawned on me this year that they meant your graduating class.

Truth be told, I ran for class president in 3rd grade. I didn't really want to, but someone nominated me and I agreed. We had little campaigns and gave speeches. I distinctly remember saying that I would end forest fires. When asked how, I literally stood up there for at least 3 minutes silently, staring at the ceiling. I was debating how... posting signs, or building giant barriers? I finally said, "My campaign and I don't have all the details to our plans yet." Little eight year old me, I was so clever. They were in my hands now!

Apparently I didn't win over the class. I came in third, losing to Mike Duffy and Stephanie Dube. Hey, at least I beat two other people. Mike however, didn't do anything. Class president meant nothing back then.

Then in 5th grade, we had class representatives. I was in the running for a while, but when it was narrowed down to the final two, I lost to Mike Benny and Valerie Valant. Valerie and I agreed that if she won, I would be vice. She did win. Then she left for another school, and I became ruler of the class. It was my job to talk to the principal about things, and solve quarrels on the playground, like whether or not we should reenact Titanic or Lion King. Titanic always won.

I stayed away from elections until 7th grade, when the school olympics came around. This time, I knew whoever the team captains were would have actual jobs. And I wasn't going to talk any bullshit from the popular people. I ran, and though I didn't have high hopes, I ended up writing the most moving, inspirational, expressive speech anyone has ever heard. I didn't even have to look at the paper! I talked about how people misjudged me for the quiet nerd, and that I would take control! I would lead us to victory!

And hey, I won. A rather odd group of captains we were, me being the outcast, but I won so I was pleased. And I turned out to be a real jackass. I was persuaded by the others to treat these people like they were in military training. It sucked when all was said and done. But we came in second, so there.

And now, 9th grade, government is in the air. The fliers and posters are everywhere, demanding that you vote for someone. Most come with a catchy slogan that rhymes with their name. We watched the speeches during health class, and I almost peed my pants at how everyone was fooling themselves.

'I want to make this year fun and worthwhile.' 'Our freshman year should be fun.' 'It is my goal to make our first year here a fun one.' 'I intend on making an impact.' 'I feel I am best suited for this job.'

Guys. Seriously. Everyone talked in a monotone, stuttering voice, reading from their cue cards and going on about how it will be fun. Of course, the fun we're going to get is about as much fun as watching that tape through once. I will only vote for the person who goes up there and is actually real. I will vote for the person who goes up there without notecards, looks around amused, and goes "Yeah, uh, I don't have a speech, because I'm not fake and stuff. But I will organize a trip to Six Flags or something. And we'll pick up Wendy's on the way back. If you were bored by every other tape on this, vote for me I guess." I would give that a standing ovation.

If I were actually into this kind of thing, I would have totally run for office and done a speech like that. Sure, it's bribary, but hey, I hate class elections, and a Six Flags/Wendy's combination is the only way you're getting me to vote.

Anyway, in conclusion, student government is a bunch of lies and fake speeches and little effort and all in all, an unimpressive title to me. I regret ever running for office in my elementary years.

- Molly{9:24 pm}

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