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July 23, 2002
I'm sorry to anyone who wasn't as fortunate as being born perfect like me. Really, I honestly feel sorry. There is nothing abnormally wrong with me! Nothing! Unless you count the shin splints, un-diagnosable (not a real word) knee problems, flat foot arches, ugly face, acne, unaligned jaw, and jaw clicking. But who's really counting, anyway?
I just got back from the orthodontist with the best -- the BEST -- news ever. And I thought I was excited when I came back from the dentist with the news I would need braces, wisdom teeth pulled, and about 7 cavaties filled. Now I get to go to TMJ therapy. Though I am very unclear about what this is, it's therapy, and I think we all know that I love therapy. (Physical therapy, psychological therapy...) So add TMJ to the list! What is TMJ you ask? No idea! But it has something to do with my jaw, and it hurts a lot. I think that it's something to do with a disc in my jaw being out of line, or having a whole in it, or something. Anyway, it's very painful, and I think most everyone has heard me brag about a popping sound that I can make on cue. I can also only open my mouth 34 millimeters, while a normal person is 40 mm. Take a ruler. It's rather significant. And 34 is stretching it, because I was hurting very much when he measured. I might get a splint for my mouth, not headgear, which is what I was panicking about.
The orthodontist can't even begin to help me until all of that is over, which could take maybe years. But once it is complete, we will address the current shifting problem. Not only are my top teeth moving rapidly from their orginal centered position, my upper jaw is completely askew. They should normally rest easily upon each other, but instead, it's like my upper jaw has turned a few degrees. I've noticed this myself. SO. What are they going to do about this, you ask, if you even still reading? This is where it gets good.
Get this - I get a CHOICE of what they do. It's fucking brilliant, I never thought I would get a CHOICE of what to do. And here are my options. I can either: a) get a tooth pulled to shift all the teeth, fuck up my profile, make my nose look longer (which I need), and get an even deeper bite, or b) have jaw surgery! It's like they're asking 'Which do you want, chocolate or peanut butter?' Or 'Which do you want, a million dollars or a million dollars worth of totally awesome stuff?'
I think I'm gonna pick the surgery, just because I don't want to look like a fucking asshole the rest of my life with a longer nose and a bad profile. It'll only suck for a few days or months, you know?
I apologized to my mom for being born wrong.
- Molly{8:21 am}
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