June 13, 2002
Awards

I went to the PCIS Apollo Awards Ceremony last night. I've gone both other years before too. In sixth grade I got Best Thinker, Greatest Achievments, and High Honors. Seventh grade I lost out on Best Thinker, but got the other two.

This year, I was not looking forward to it. For one, I had to dress up, and don't even get me started about formal wear. And second, I figured there would be a trend - 3 awards the first year, 2 the second... I guess I'd be overlooked once again, and receive 1 this year. Some of my friends seem to get more than I personally think they deserve. A brief outline of what each means:

High Honors is, obviously, for people who had high honors in the first three terms of the year. Honors is for people who had either all honors or some honors, some high honors.

Greatest Achievements is for students who have made tremendous academic successes in the year. This should be more selective than they make it.

Best Thinker is self-explanatory, but apparently it isn't as it should be. Best Thinker should be for someone with a lot of ideas and a different outlook on everything. It's turned into the We-Feel-Sorry-For-You-So-Here-Have-This-Award-That-We-Robbed-From-The-Students-Who-Earned-It-But-They-Got-Other-Awards-So-Fuck-Them-It's-Yours.

Not that I really wanted Best Thinker anyway.

Greatest Gain is for the people who improved throughout the year... basically, you were stupid at first, but I guess you're kind of smart, so we'll act like you got better.

Humanitarian Award is for people who are nice to other people. Each person that went up to get it has tripped me at least once. Lousy popular bastards...

Good Sportsmanship Award is for students who are good in gym. Not the ones that are nice about losing or winning, but the ones who don't lose. Quite a few of the ones who went up there has given me an elbow or two in handball. Lousy jock bastards...

Perfect Attendance. The one I hate the most. It's the worst award ever created. I don't know why someone would be proud of it.

'Hey I got greatest achievements.'

'Oh yeah I got the perfect attendance award,'

'Yeah? Fuck you, I got sick.'

What does getting sick have anything to do with academics? Maybe if I was in Nursing School that would be quite an honor, because I protected myself from diseases with what I've learned. But we don't learn how to protect ourselves from the common cold, do we? All I've learned in health is how to avoid date rape and HIV and drugs. But they still give out that award. My housemaster said, 'Congratulations to the following healthy students.' Teachers are proud if they're students are good, because they're making an impact. Maybe the health teachers get a warm, fuzzy feeling inside when they see the kids who haven't been absent... unless of course, they realize that there are other reasons we are out of school, like funerals or parents out of town...

I don't think my parents could have been bigger assholes. My dad's arms were crossed angrily, and they both kept shushing my friends, who were whispering like the rest of the crowd. Just because I knew them. If I had no idea who they were, he would have just put up with it. Somehow, he thinks that my being friends with them gives him special privelages to shut them up. Eventually, I told them to shut up too because he would find someway to take it out on me.

Which he did.

When I went up to get my awards, they gave me a piece of paper recognizing my achievements, and a cheap medal on a red, white, and blue ribbon, similar to olympic medals. But cheap. So cheap they could give hundreds of them out. They put it around my neck uncomfortably, and when I got back, I handed it to my dad. I usually do that anytime I get something - hand it to him. I don't know why, I guess I was just preparing myself to go up again. He shoved it back in my hand.

'Wear it,' he snapped.

'Why?'

'It's yours, it's your award, you are going to wear it.'

'I don't want to wear it... just hold it --'

'They gave you this award, and you are going to respect that because you are going to wear the medal.'

I gave him a look of confusion and reluctance.

'Every other person is wearing it here,' he said, throwing it over my neck, hitting my face with the medal.

The very reason I didn't want to wear it was in his words. "Every other person." Because every other person got it. It wasn't special, it wasn't select, it was basically a recognition award. He treated the medal like I was the chosen one, but treated me like it didn't mean anything. I may have been chosen, but I didn't deserve it. I don't know, sometimes I just can't read his angry expression.

In the end, I was rewarded with a single chocolate bar. But I didn't really earn that either, did I, Dad? Mom gave it to me. You gave me a look of disgust.

Listen to me, talking like he would ever read this. I'm glad he wouldn't.

- Molly{6:12 pm}

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