March 23, 2002
Kids Suck

Mark my words : I'm never having children. Never ever ever. Never.

Ever.

As if my mom describing how painful child birth is wasn't enough, my day was graced with a family birthday party. I used to love when little kids came, because I was a little kid too. Running around was the highlight of my day. Now, I act like I'm friggin 40 - my ideal day being to sit on the couch eating my own birthday cake, wearing Ab Energizer so I don't gain any weight, and watching Lifetime.

It wasn't so bad at first. It was actually funny to watch them throw all of my stuffed animals around and play with snowglobes. That was when Abby and Colin were here. Then, DOUBLE TIME. Jack, Mikayla, Griffin, and Julia all came. 'Molly?' Griffin said, tugging at my hand. (no, it's not Griffin Griffin.) 'Will you play basketball with me?'

I think to myself, I'm not supposed to be playing at all, but it comes out as, 'Oh, sure.'

I played basketball. It was kind of fun, except the they would tackle me anytime I got the ball. Eventually, it got too cold, and Julia, Abby, and I went inside.

Abby thought it was so fun to jump on me. I sat there watching TV, forcing a laugh and "making weird faces" as she said. I'm cringing because you're jumping on me, I think.

It slowly became too much. I just wanted to sit in my room and play my guitar, but they wouldn't allow it. Simon Says, Hide-and-Seek, pretty much any game you could imagine. I put in The Jungle Book and they were entertained. I played my guitar, until they heard me. God dammit. I played for them, stopped them from picking the strings, and they danced around.

You know how Easter is next week? Well, Abby has this little bunny necklace that she found in an Easter egg, and she took it off. Julia started to chew on it. Abby got angry, and took it away. Julia was even more angry. She slammed the door in Abby's face.

As if that weren't loud enough, the vibration in the walls knocked over my First Place at Regional Science Fair plaque. I put it back up and ushered the kids out of the room, stating that they could get hurt if it happened again.

We went into Pat's room, where he was packing his stuff for college. They all attacked him for an unknown reason. Five kids were literally hanging off of his arms. Bewildered, he pleaded for help. I laughed. It was, after all, pretty funny, and rightly deserved.

More happened in the day, but it's too much for me to write. Too many kids, so little space. I'm not having kids. It's that simple.

Now I have to wait 3 hours for The Hookup to come on. There must be a Lifetime movie on...

- Molly the "Birthday Girl"{5:07 pm}

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