February 28, 2002
Happy Birthday To Me...

Today was the first day in a while that I've really just bawled my eyes out. And I want to punch myself for it. I was at basketball practice at Federal Furnace, about half an hour from my house. During a scrimmage, I jammed my thumb and my index finger. It's difficult to type. I think jammed my knee on a hard impact going in for a layup. My jaw also popped painfully out of line --- again.

In an incredible amount of pain, my dad and I hobbled out to the car. Or, rather, I hobbled out, he just walked. In the car, it went something like this.

'So,' he said. 'What's hurting the most.'

'My jaw.'

'Ah. You didn't take any medicine before practice?'

'No, it doesn't work.'

'Well the doctor prescribed it because he thinks it will work, so I think you should use it.'

'I've been using these medicines for a year and they don't work,' I mutter, trying to pop my jaw in place. Tears start to form in my eyes.

'WELL YOU KNOW WHAT! I KNOW YOU'VE HAD A LONG DAY, MOLLY, BUT I'VE HAVE A LONG DAY TOO! AND FRANKLY, I'M SICK OF YOUR WISEASS ANSWERS! I'M JUST EXPRESSING CONCERN FOR YOU, BECAUSE I KNOW YOU'RE HURTING. AND I KNOW YOU'RE NOT HAPPY RIGHT NOW. BUT I AM REALLY SICK OF YOUR WISE ATTITUDE!'

I sat there staring out the window, square-jawwed and trying not to cry.

'EVERYDAY I GO INTO WORK AT 7 IN THE MORNING AND STAY THERE TILL 8! DO YOU THINK I LIKE TELLING PEOPLE THEY'VE LOST THEIR JOBS? AND I CAME STRAIGHT FROM MY JOB TO YOUR PRACTICE JUST FOR THIS? THIS DISRESPECT?'

'I'm not trying to, it's just that I am in a lot of pain right now,' I sobbed through my teeth.

'OH, PAIN? SO IT'S JUST ALL ABOUT YOU THEN ISN'T IT? YOU THINK EVERYTHING'S ALL ABOUT YOU. THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU, THIS IS ABOUT US AND YOU NOT GIVING RESPECT TO ME. YOU'RE BEING SO INCREDIBLY RUDE, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU.'

In my mind, I sighed. Love you too, bastard.

'AND NOW, SINCE I DIDN'T GET DINNER, I'M STOPPING NOW. BUT YOU KNOW, NEVER ONCE, FROM YOU OR YOUR BROTHER, HAVE I HEARD "SORRY DAD"! THAT'S WHAT I GET FROM YOU TWO -- NOTHING!'

I was really crying now. I was in so much pain, and my dad hated me... he kind of apologized on the way home, but I can't believe him. After all that he said to me. He thought I was still crying because of my legs? No, I was because he was making me feel like shit. Eh. Happy birthday to me... happy fuckin' birthday.

- Molly the Disrespectful Child{9:04 pm}

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