February 19, 2002
Get It Through Your Head - You're Not Funny

You're not funny. You just aren't. I wish you were, but you're not. I also wish you'd stop trying to be funny, because it's not working. You sound desperate for a laugh.

No - this is not some bitter retaliation against someone who said something mean to me. This is just about people not being funny.

OK, I'll admit, some of you are pretty funny. Katie and Katy make me laugh. Katie, you make me laugh because you think up the craziest words and phrases. Katy, you call me every 10 minutes, so I might as well laugh at what your saying. I make the best out of everything. My brother is the only person I know who is truly a funny person. I dunno why, Pat, you're just hysterical.

But the rest of you... God, stop trying to make jokes. Especially online. I'll use this as an example:

If u think something small wont matta, try sleeping wit a misquito in the room!!!

Ok, I thought this was funny when I heard it. Cause it's true. But online, it's ruined. You just have to put the exclamation points, the word "you" represented by the letter, the shorten versions of "matter" and "with"... it ruins it. I want to kill what you wrote.

Let me tell you how to make people think you're funny. Don't make it sound like you're telling a joke. After you said it, don't look around waiting for a laugh. Talk very monotone and bitter and slightly amused. I hate when people get all excited when telling a joke. This is a good one:

Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing.

See, now that's funny stuff. It's extremely random, and there was no question mark. Whoever is saying it is simply amused by the scenario.

Enough with the humor lessons. I'll now tell you why I wrote this, rather than sharing with you that I AM RADIOACTIVE.

"If you get a choice between Heaven and Pie Heaven, choose Pie Heaven. It may be a trick, but if not, mmm boy!

My brother's friend said this. And I've been saying it to people. And this is the reply I've been getting:

"Haha! I'd choose Pie Heaven. Cause there would be pie!"

"Oh man, I'm going to Pie Heaven. Mmm boy!"

Dude, the humor is in the joke itself, not in your reply. I'm not relying on your choice in order to make it funny. Just laugh, and let it go. That's all I'm asking.

- Molly the Funniest Person, Alive or Dead{5:28 pm}

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