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| The Sunday Scoop Edition #5 Eat mousse - gain delusion Well, it�s that time of year again; the time to reflect on the year just passed � and to thank God it�s over and pray that the next year will be better. Blah, I lie. This year has been pretty fabu. Nevertheless, human kind must strive to better themselves � enter the New Year�s Resolutions. Do people ever keep these anyway? I make the same one every year and by January 2nd, it�s pretty much forgotten. �What is it?� you ask. To do more streaking at public events of course! Yes, I�m kidding. It�s the most common and boring one in the book � to lose weight. So during this time of self-improvement, I�m naturally drawn to the ads that will promise to shed kilos in days and make me happy enough to walk on the beach with pride or play tennis with ferocity. But the ad that had me saying: �You�ve got to be kidding� was the Ultra Slim range of food products. Now, there are several of these ads out � one for the milkshake, one for the yoghurt, one for the ice-cream, one for the mousse � it�s enough to make a girl sick (actually I�m convinced that�s what happened to the woman in the ads and that�s now why she�s so skinny). As tempted as I am to ridicule the milkshake one (mainly for the woman�s orgasm-cross-constipation faces) I�m going to review the mousse one. We start the ad off with an attractive, tanned, peroxide-blonde woman sitting in her home eating chocolate mousse. Yes, I know � it could almost be a scene from Melrose Place, except that the woman then opens her mouth and starts gushing about these wonderful, tasty food products that help her lose weight (on Melrose, they would just get liposuction done). �Blah, blah, blah � it doesn�t taste like diet food � blah, blah, blah � the fat practically fell off me � blah, blah, blah � Elijah Wood is hot ��. Oh, sorry � slipped off into a daydream for a minute there. Anyway, the point is that she is reading cue cards and just because she pulls these really expressionistic faces, it doesn�t mean that I�ll believe her. If anything, it would only confuse me into thinking that I had somehow switched channels and was now watching Play School. Oh, and while she rambles on, she�s also stuffing her face with this miracle chocolate mousse � well, that�s what we�re lead to believe anyway. As the final shot pulls away, she lazily puts her arms behind her head and says, �I get all that I need with very little effort� and we see that it is actually her Manpower type boyfriend feeding her. Wow, that�s some magic mousse: sheds the kilos and enables muscle bound hunks to feed her. If anything I�d say the poor dear has gotten her labels confused and is actually eating her hair mousse which has spun her into this delusion world where she�s skinny and has a buff boyfriend (when in reality, she�s Jenny Craig�s dream project and is married to Thugger the Truck Driver and the only thing he puts in her mouth is something a bit too crass to mention here). Ads like this really annoy me. I�m sorry, but I fail to see how sitting on your fat ass being spoon fed chocolate mousse would help you lose weight. If I�d known that I would have stocked my fridge full of chocolatey goodness years ago. Sarah Taylor, Professional smart-ass. |