due March 21st 2003
Ok, well to start with, I'm only 17. Young to have a baby, I know, and whats worse, im having her alone. Unsure of the father (there are 2 possibles), I dont feel I really have a right to be asking much of either of them right now. They shouldnt need commit to a baby thats not theirs. after shes born, I do expect some level of involvement from which ever it turns out to be.
Before finding out I was pregnant, I was in horrible shape. I was drinking, doing alot of drugs, depressed and dropped out of school. I felt the world was against me. Around the middle of July (nearing my birthday) I was late, and began to suspect that I was in fact pregnant. At first I was ashamed, and upset and denied to myself that it was a possibiliy. I continued to party like she wasnt even there. Drinking every night, staying out late, and avoiding eating anything remotely healthy.
I think the thing that finally made me realise I needed to care for her and myself was actually a camping trip around the end of July, start of August. It was fun, out with friends, drinking, havin a good time. I was absolutely pissed out of my mind, and ended up puking behind my car. The whole time I was thinking oh my god, im killing a baby. That was all that I could think about.
I didnt drink again after that, and quit doing drugs and smoking around the time I was four months along. My life is alot different now. I have a faith in myself I never had before. Im starting correspondance to finish school. Im closer to my family (mind you telling them wasnt easy). I've left alot of friends behind, but the ones I have now are the true til the end kind you never want to lose. All because of a little miricle baby named Alista. She's my Angel.