22. Healing dream?
In real life, I was really sick. I had been abusing that codein -based cough syrup, Peracon, for a few months, and I was a real mess. Then I got sick. When I got sick, those days, I had really high fevers, almost always as high as 39 degrees Celcium (no idea how much is that in Farrheneit, but 42 is supposed to be the end, man), and I think this time I had gone as high as 41. At some point I vomited, and there was this sticky pus everywhere, on the floor, on my hands, everywhere (I hadn't had the time to go to the bathroom). It looked like I had vomited clean Peracon. My roommate and the other students were terrified. They said I should better go to the hospital, but I told them it was OK, that I was used to such high fevers, and that it would all pass in three days, as it usually did. It did, but first I had this dream. I was hovering over the sea, my hands crossed on my chest, my face really calm, and I think I had no sideburns, I looked like an angel or something. Under my feet, the sea was black and billious, and there was a huge vortex swirling wildly and sucking me in, although I was hovering above it. I was praying, or doing something other esoteric thing, to escape the vortex. We fought for a while, me and the vortex, and in the end I was free and started floating upwards serenely. I woke up, and a few days later I was back on my feet. I decided I wouldn't drink any of the syrup again, and I kept the decision. Two months later I was back in Athens for some holiday, and going through my stuff still in my bag, I found a half bottle of Peracon, which I had apparently forgotten I had there. Man, it was a real temptation. I gave it to a friend, I think, or just threw it away. Anyway, I didn't put the damn thing in me again.
23. Coming back for more.
I never had any dream that was repeated identically, except this one. I had it each night, for a week or so. I was looking at a Mini Cooper, driving down a country road at dusk. It arrived at a cave, and got in. From a perspective inside the cave, I could see two huge piles of grey dust, shaped like cones, each topped with an orb of pearly material. I felt an eerie feeling of cosmic dread, like I was being turned into a machine. It was really uncanny. I heard a voice from the Mini saying "It's too late, we can't do anything more about them". Then it left, driving into the night.
24. Dream fetish
I 'm not really into rubber outfits etc, but I had this dream when I was about 13 or 12. I was standing in a pier, and there was a chaos of images passing by, I couldn't understand everything I was seeing. There was a fey music coming from above me, and when I turned my eyes to the sky, I saw the face of a woman, wavering like it was being projected on a gossamer screen blowing in the wind. Then I looked back at myself, and I was wearing thigh boots and an outfit of a glossy blue plastic substance, which I found deliriously exciting, and yes, I mean it in a sexual way, you wouldn' believe how much. A few days later I saw a dream with a similar substance, but it wasn't that intensely erotic, and I couldn't remember much detail from it.
25. Horse Shit.
I was in the middle of a crowd of people, who really meant me harm. They were an actual lynch mob, yelling abuse, scaring the shit out of me, waving their fists and calling for a rope to hang me with. All of a sudden, a great white horse comes galloping from fucking nowhere, and it's so beautiful, it scares the assholes away. They open up for it, and it passes right next to me. I see a rope hanging from its' neck, and I grab it. I fall down to the ground, and the horse drags me with it, away from the mob, over idyllic fields of green grass and olive groves. Then, everything starts to change. The green grass is gone, and the fields are replaced by a valley of shit. I 'm not kidding. Shit was everywhere. I still don't let go of the stupid rope, and the bloody horse won't stop for me to climb on it. So I hang there, being dragged into the shit. I hear the narrating voice, and it sounds like the voice of Death or the Devil. It's saying, with sarcasm "I still can't figure why they never let go, even when they see it's dragging them into the shit". How observing. That time, I was well into "transition". I was having some hard times, after some originally good ones, and I couldn't really see the end of the tunnel. You can figure the rest out.
26. Walking against the wind.
I 'm walking in the streets, and theres' a lot of people going by. There's no cars, for some reason, and the people walk on the road casually, like the sidewalk is for jaywalkers. Through the crowd, I see this old guy, with flowing white hair and a beard, dressed in rags. He's walking like in a slow motion, like the air is too thick for him. His hands were slightly extended by his sides, the palms turned outwards, and his wide blue eyes were fixed somewhere far far away. I heard the narrating voice: "You 'll see them in the crowds, the ones who walk against the Wind. You 'll want to join them, but can you?". After this I went further down the street, and there were these people there who were trying to move an old bus up the hillside. They were using grappling hooks that looked like old anchors, which they secured in its' fat rump, and pulled, lots of them together, while others pushed the bus from the back. I wanted to go and help, but I felt a bit embarassed, like, they didn't really need my help, and I 'll only look stupid if I go help. So I didn't.
27. Cowboy Dreamer.
I was sitting on a beach, doing nothing much, just watching the sea. The beach is of the kind with the fat round pebbles. It was late at night. I could hear people from the seaside discos having fun with a lot of stupid music, but I was relaxing. It felt as if I was on a holiday. Suddendly, I hear this guy calling me. I turn around. He's up there, on the top of the concrete staircase leading down to the beach, and he's screaming abuse at me, for no obvious reason. I ignore him, but he persists. Then, without getting up from where I 'm sitting, I turn my head and tell him "go away, I don't want to beat you up". Of course he goes on screaming, and he's really pissing me off, but I really feel too tired to get up and kick him. Then he gets this great idea. He starts throwing stones at me, pebbles, like the ones on the beach, only bigger. One of them hits me on the head, and then I 'm raging. I get up, and run up the ladder, I grab the guy, and I start beating the fucking daylights out of him. I 'm being so violent, I can't believe myself. I 've never done anything like this in real life. While I was doing it in this dream, there were people around, and they too were shocked by the beating I gave this guy. A woman started to scream. The guy, quite repented, was begging me to stop, but I wouldn't.
28. Lions ate my mate.
Me and a friend, I think it was a she, and in the end I came to think of her as Ada, though I hope I 'm wrong in this, well, me and her, we were being chased by a lion. We were running from it, across a savannah, and my friend was terrified. I was scared too, of course, but I was keeping up. My friend was screaming uncontrollably. Then the lion got us. It was too close to turn our backs to it and run, so we stood and confronted it. My friend looked at me for any ideas on what to do. She seemed to be trusting me, and she had left herself completely to my control. I grabbed her, and turned her towards the lion, using her as a shield. It pounced and ate both my friends hands off, because she had them raised before her, to protect herself. She shrieked, and I grabbed her, and we started running again, but we didn't go far, I woke up. I hope I don't have to explain how I felt after I woke up. I think this was a dream about me letting down Ada when she seriously needs my help. Well, the good thing about dreams, is that once you know how disgusting you can be, you can then persevere, and never let it happen in real life. It still makes my stomach churn, though.
29. Polyps
I was an attraction in a freak show. The reason was, I had a rather normal body, from the waist up, although it didn't have a single hair on it, anywhere, but from the waist down, I looked like an octopus. I had a bunch of tentacle-like growths, in a pale flesh-color, jutting from my underbelly. They were supposed to be some intestinal cancer, but they were really huge, fat as my arm, meters long, and at least thirty of them. I was sitting in a hole on the ground, somewhere behind the wagons of the freak show, and Ada was with me. She held my head in her hands, and looking at me in a caring, loving way, like she was my mother. I either thought, or heard the narrating voice explain how I attracted caring women, like her, because I looked like someone in such a great need for caring and protection. Ada knew I was dying though. She was there to help me go out feeling cared for.
30. Skin Cancer?
I was sitting on a bench, in a park, that looked like this park my friends and I used to hang out when I was in boy mode, in Maroussi. It was dusk, so there was this twilight. I think me and the others were smoking. Then, somebody came in the park, with a scooter, and we all saw he had a lot of small black spots on his skin, all black and morbid-looking, and covered in small hair. It looked like he had some form of skin cancer. It turned out to be quite contagious. Me, and all my friends got it. I remember one of them, a tall guy with long hair and a beard, looking like a Monster Magnet fan. I 'd never seen him before.
31. Into the abyss.
When the dream started, I was with some people I couldn't recognise, in some room, sitting on a bed. There was a large window on one wall, and it was looking at a corridor, inside the house. There were lots of people going around, and coming in and then going out of the room again, looking busy. The place looked like an anthole, for all this coming and going. I think it was in a basement, or deep underground, and that the people in there were members of some resistance group. They were training me, or showing me some stuff I could find useful. At some point, they gave me an apple to hold, and showed me how to do something, which caused the apple to fall through my hand, without me opening any fingers. The apple, or my hand, just became intangible to one another. I was trying to repeat the feat, but I couldn't make it. There was this guy who was insisting I try some more, and a girl too, who said she could do it anytime. I lost a bit of what happened next, but then I was still in the house, and I was standing in front of a door, opening to a strange kind of room. It didn't have any furniture in it, it was empty, and the perspective in it was funny, like in an H.P. Lovecraft tale. The floor was made of checquered tiles, and there were wavering green and red glows, but I couldn't see any lamps, or lights. I heard someone explain that this room existed in the Abyss, and that if anyone got in there, his hearts' true desire would be fullfilled, only he could never come back out of there again. Then, somehow, I was in it. Only, I couldn't see the door anymore. I looked around, and I saw a couple of guys with black suits doing terrible things to each other. They were fighting, with what looked like chainsaws, and one was trying to get out of the room, but of course he didn't know the way out. There was a body lying on hte floor, all bloodied, and cut vertically in half, but I don't remember if it was a quarter of the guys with the chainsaws, or if it was someone who had started coming into the abyss, but was cut in half during the transition. I got up to my feet, and I saw a mirror. I looked in it, and I saw I looked like I wanted to look, short spiky red hair, lean and with breasts. You know, female. Then I remembered this was the abyss. I realised, if I stuck my hand in my pants, and waved it around a bit, I would finally realise what the hell I wanted from my life, depending on the supposedly true desire that had been fullfilled. I pulled my pants' waist away from my body, and slipped the end of my fingers in it, but I couldn't get on with it. I was scared shitless. I have never felt so torn in a dream. I wanted to know, what my real desire was, to be a man or a woman, but I couldn't find the courage to do it. I was screaming to myself to go on and find out, and I could see my face on the mirror, all contorted. In the end, I didn't. Well, no answers in the abyss. I roamed a bit around, in the abyssal house, that was identical to the resistance base I was in before, only all the floors were checkered, and there were no rebels to be seen. I went to the room were I had been taught to make myself, or the objects around me, intangible, and I saw light coming in from a window. I looked outside, and there was a city, out there. I found someone, and talked a bit with them. It turned out it was some government agent who was promised a huge reward if he entered into the abyss, but now he had done it, he could no longer go collect. Boy was he mad and bitter.