The snow was gently drifting to the ground, the thick fluffy flakes clinging to Daniel Jackson's jacket and hair as he wandered along the quiet street. It was Christmas Eve and he had dressed and decided to take a walk. It seemed every house, every business had bright lights or colorful decorations of some sort joyously proclaiming the holiday.
He walked slowly, his steps leaving tracks in the snow. His shoulders were slumped and his glove less hands were jammed into his pockets. He scuffled at the snow with his booted foot, stopping beneath a street light to look up the road.
There was nothing but more houses, more lights. He sighed. Christmas had never been one of his favorite holidays. It had always seemed just another day. Just another 24 hours. And with Sha'uri lost to him, he was keenly aware of being alone.
How he would have loved to share this all with her! The bright lights, the decorated trees, the colorful presents, the Santa parades... How he would have loved to watch her eyes sparkle with excitement as she took it all in. But, no, it was not meant to be. .
He wandered on, surprised carolers were not out singing, but then he realized the lateness of the hour. They probably were all home, warm and cozy with their families, drinking hot chocolate and waiting for the sounds of Santa and his reindeer. He stopped, looking around, and as he did, he saw tracks in the snow and heard a little child's voice. Looking ahead, he saw two figures making their way up the street. Looking closer, he saw it was a young woman and a little girl.
As they saw him, the older one's eyes widened with fear, but the little girl with wide blue eyes stared up at him and in a soft childish voice she whispered, "Ya must halfta to have a real home to have a tree like that." And his eyes drifted in the direction she pointed.
The house was beautifully lit, with a bright light highlighting a wreath which hung invitingly on the door. Ribbons and bows fluttered in the breeze, and as his eyes moved over the home, his gaze locked on a window. Looking through it he could see the family gathered around. A mother, father, children, grandparents. They were laughing and singing, clinging to each other with smiling faces. He could hear their joyous laughter filtering through to where he stood. And the years rolled away....
He was six years old. It was his first Christmas after his parents' death. He was staying at the foster home, and on this night, the children had been gathered up and taken downtown to see the Santa Parade. Children's Services had its own reserved place for the children to watch and everyone there knew who they were. Even at his young age he was keenly aware of the stigma placed on their group. He saw the stares and heard the whispers....
It wasn't suppose to be like this. Christmas was suppose to be a happy time, for sharing and caring and loving. But not here, not now. As the parade moved on, the children were herded back toward the bus which had brought them. As they walked down the snowy street, Daniel's eyes drifted to a house along the street. And he froze.
Through the window he could see a family. Parents and children, decorating a trees with lights and garlands and tinsel. Christmas music drifted across the snow as did the happy people's laughter Tears filled his eyes and reflected the colorful lights from within as he remembered doing the same thing with his parents the previous year.
He could still see his parents, happily fussing with each other over where each ornament went, and what color lights went on next and don't clump up the icicles. And his dad carrying in a huge box of presents, wrapped in red and green paper, with bright bows and ribbons. And he would hear the old fireplace popping and cracking with what his dad had jokingly referred to as the Yule log... And the wonderful homey smell of hot chocolate, pumpkin pie, and a turkey roasting in the oven for Christmas dinner. How was he to know it would be the last Christmas he ever shared with them? Had he only known... he might have held it more closely to his heart, remembered the smallest details....
Now, he was outside, looking in though a lighted window at happiness he would never know again. How he longed to belong , to be a part of something so loving and caring. To be a part of a family again.. to have someone hold him up while he placed the star on the top of the tree. Someone to hand him presents in the morning, and watch with anticipation to see if it was something he truly wanted, not just something bought and hastily wrapped for one of them orphan kids....
Tears brimmed in his eyes. He could see the love, feel the closeness of the people beyond the window... and he longed with all his childish heart to run to the door, fling it open and become a part of something so inviting, something so out of his reach...
A sharp jerk on his arm drew his gaze away and he looked up into Miss Crumb's angry face. "Stop dawdling, Danny. It's time to go." She roughly dragged him down the street toward the bus and he looked longing over his shoulder at the life lost to him....
"Hey!"
He started out of his reverie and looked up guiltily, but the little girl and woman were gone and a man was approaching. It would just be his luck to be arrested for a peeping Tom on Christmas Eve. He groaned inwardly as he turned to face the approaching person.
"Look, Officer, I was..." He looked into the man's face and his blue eyes widened behind his glasses. "Jack?!?"
"Hey, Daniel, I thought that was you!" The soldier gave him a wide grin and it was plain to see he had gotten into some liquid holiday cheer. "Out lookin' for Santa, are ya?" he teased.
"Ahh, noooo... Jack, what are you doing," he waved a hand in the air encompassing the street, "here?"
"Oh, I was keeping Sgt. Siler's kids' presents for him so they wouldn't find them and I figured since it's Christmas Eve, he just might want them. I was headed back home. Speaking of, what are you doing so far from home yourself?"
"Uh, it's not that far. Three blocks over, two blocks down..." Daniel started to explain then fell silent at seeing the expression on Jack's face, "...and you don't wanna hear that." He trailed off.
"You wanna lift back? Jeep's right over there."
Daniel hesitated, then nodded as he followed the soldier to the vehicle. Climbing in, he settled in the passenger seat and buckled his seat belt as Jack started the engine and turned up the heat. As its warmth blasted him from the open vents, Daniel realized he was cold, colder than he thought.
The tires spun on the packed snow and the jeep lurched to one side as Jack played with the wheel, "Guess there's ice under the snow," he muttered as the tread finally gripped and he eased out into the middle of the empty street. He turned to look at his companion. "So, you wanna go home?"
"Ah, where else would I go?" Daniel questioned..
"Hey, it's Christmas Eve! No one should be alone!"
"You are," Daniel pointed out quietly.
"Well, yeah." Jack tilted his head to one side and nodded slowly. "but it's my choice."
Daniel frowned as he unzipped his jacket in the warmth. "What do you mean?"
Jack waved a hand in the air. "Ah, hell, Daniel, there's a dozen or so places I could be, ya know. People asked me. Sara...Sara invited me over to Mike's but..." he trailed off, then softly, "still too many memories," he admitted.
Daniel remained silent for a long while as the jeep crept down the icy road. "You said a dozen," he pointed out.
"Well yeah, I did. Siler asked me to stay and play Santa. The general asked me to meet his kids, Sam asked me over, and Teal'c, well, he don't understand it yet, but he asked me to stay. They all invited me...." He stopped the vehicle in the middle of the road and turned to look at his companion in the greenish glow of the dash lights. "Everyone asked, but you..." He frowned in puzzlement. "Why?"
Daniel looked skyward and closed his eyes. "Why what, Jack?"
"Why didn't you invited me over for drinks, or something? I thought we were friends..."
Daniel swallowed hard. "I...I....don't do Christmas, Jack."
"Well, hell, Danny, that's downright...unAmerican," Jack groused as he turned his attention back to driving. "You don't do Christmas?" he repeated, then, "Is it a religious thing?"
Daniel snorted. "Nooooo..."
"Then why not?" Jack pressed.
"Ah, c'mon, Jack..."
"Really, I'd like to know," Jack persisted, as some of the holiday cheer ebbed out of him at Daniel's seemingly noninterest in the holiday.
"All right, if ya really wanna know, my folks died just before the holidays. That kinda kills all the goodwill spirit right there. And now there's no one to share it with. Sha'uri.... Sha'uri's gone..." He trailed off. "What's the point?"
"For cryin' out loud, Danny, ya gotta know anyone at the base would happily share the holidays with you. You don't gotta be alone."
"Well, I'm mighty poor company these days," Daniel admitted softly.
"The hell you say..." Jack suddenly pulled over to the side of the road and jumping out of the jeep he ran to a truck parked next to the street. "C'mon!"
"What? Where?" Daniel questioned as he hurriedly fastened his coat and followed the other man.
Jack approached a young man who was ready to climb in the truck and after a few minutes he moved back to where Daniel was bouncing from one foot to the other in an effort to keep warm in the chilly wind. "C'mon..."
"What are you doin, Jack?" he questioned as Jack waved a hand in the air.
"Pick one!"
"One what?"
"A tree, Danny-boy, a tree! Man said the ones that haven't sold by now go to the mulchers so you're welcome to any one you want."
Daniel frowned. "I don't want a tree, Jack."
Jack smiled. "I know, but I do. Pick one before I freeze to death."
Daniel shook his head in mild disgust and looked at the dozen or so picked over cut trees. What did he know about the perfect tree? "That one." He pointed to the closest soft needled pine. It was thick and bushy and he momentarily wondered why it had been passed over by previous shoppers.
"That one it is." Jack bent and grabbed the cut end and he looked expectantly at the scientist. "Ya wanna heave ho there, Danny?"
With a sigh Daniel grabbed the other end and together, despite tripping over their own feet and Jack falling down they carried the tree to the jeep. "Ah, Jack, inside or out?" he questioned.
Jack dropped his end and dusted the snow from his clothes. "On top...oh, shit, I don't have any rope. Guess it'll have to go inside." He opened the rear door and tried to cram the tree inside. The branches caught and it refused to budge without breaking the thick boughs.
"Okay, no tree is gonna out think me." Jack rubbed his hands together "You get inside and pull and I'll push."
Daniel scrambled into the jeep and climbing over the back seat he grabbed onto the trunk. "Oh, shit!" he yelped.
"What?!" Jack questioned, alarm in his voice.
"I just got sapped...ugh!"
"For cryin' out loud, Danny, I thought it was something serious! You just took ten years--minutes off my live. Will you just pull?"
"I am pulling!" With that, the tree suddenly folded in on itself and with Daniel's powerful heave, it came loose, flipping the scientist over the back seat and into the floorboards behind the front seats. "Owwwwww!"
"You okay?" Jack called out as he closed the back. Climbing in the driver's seat, he looked over the seat back at the scientist who was wedged in the narrow space behind.
"Ahhh, I don't think anything's broken...but my ego..." Daniel admitted as he slowly dragged himself up and out. Dusting loose pine needles from his person, he climbed into the passenger seat. With a deep sigh, he reached to buckle his seat belt and made a disgusted face as his tree sapped fingers stuck to the belt.
Jack started the jeep and eased out onto the road again. "Okay, gotta tree. Now..."
"Now what?" Daniel interrupted, not liking the tone in Jack's voice.
Jack removed both hands from the wheel to wave them in the air. The jeep skid and he grabbed it again. "We gotta get something to decorate it."
Daniel grimaced. "You don't have any decorations?"
"No...do you?"
"Ahh, I don't think so."
"Well, there's gotta be stores open yet. Things will be marked down. Look, Wally's IS open! " He wheeled into the parking lot and jumped out, turning to cast an eye at Daniel who remained inside the jeep. "C'mon, help me pick out something," he urged.
With a much put upon groan, Daniel followed. Once inside, it was obvious a lot of people planned on marked down merchandise. They were nearly run over by people scrambling to grab whatever they could.
"Last minute shoppers?" Daniel questioned.
"Ya think?" Jack quipped as he headed down the nearly naked Christmas aisle. "Lights, see any lights?"
Daniel saw and grabbed the last battered box of multicolored lights just before an overdressed woman did. She gave him a nasty look, but he just smiled innocently and clung onto the box.
"Let's see...tinsel, garland, those hanging down dohicky things..." Jack grabbed whatever caught his eye and handed the items to Daniel who balanced them in his arms.
"Ah, Jack?"
"Yeah?"
"You might wanna get a cart..." he started to suggest.
"Oh, no, this is it," Jack muttered as he placed three boxes of candy canes on the top of Daniel's full arms.. He paused to look at the stuff. "Too much, ya think?"
Daniel attempted to peek over the top and gave up. "Way, way, way too much.... you wanna..." He saw Jack retreat and he trailed off, "carry something..." Seeing an open checkout, he approached the counter and dumped the items.
The bored clerk rang them up and Daniel gathered the bags to carry out to the jeep. They filled the rest of the space left vacant by the tree.
"All right! Jack enthused gleefully as he climbed in. "Now tell me, Danny, ain't you havin' just a little bit of fun?"
"Ah, honestly..." He say Jack's expression and realized the older man was having fun. "Yeah, I guess I am," he admitted.
"Good!" They headed for Jack's house, and he drove slow so they could observe all the neighborhood decorations. As Jack ohhed and ahhed over some of the more colorful ones, Daniel had to admit, there was something about them that sparked some feeling deep inside him.
As they approached Jack's house, Daniel frowned, "Isn't that...."
"Carter's car," Jack finished. "What the hell is she doin' here?" Parking they hurried across the snow to enter his house.
"Hey, Colonel! Hi, Daniel!" the young captain called out. "Merry Christmas!"
Jack looked around with a frown. "Carter, what the hell are you doin' in my house and how the hell did you get in?"
"Well, sir, I kinda borrowed your spare key.," she smiled brightly as she held it out to him. "You can have it back now."
"That's mighty honest of you," Jack muttered sarcastically. "But why did you see fit to break in?"
"For this, O'Neill. Greetings of the season," Teal'c intoned as he stepped back and motioned. "This" it turned out was a decorated tree.
"I overheard you tell the general you didn't have one and well, sir, it's just not Christmas without a tree so....Merry Christmas."
Jack exchanged looks with Daniel then gave her an exasperated look. "And what pray tell, Captain, am I to do with the tree in my Jeep?"
Her mouth fell open. "You bought a tree, sir? I'm sorry," she stammered. "I didn't know."
"He didn't actually buy it, Sam, he bummed it," Daniel clarified.
"Well, yeah, I rescued it from the mulchers." Jack corrected.
"I'm really sorry, sir. It's just I thought ..."
"It's okay, Captain. No harm done." He moved to look closer at the tree with its tiny lights and Victorian decorations which covered it in gay profusion. "Nice tree," he admitted, then, "but what about our tree, Daniel?" He suddenly smiled. "Hey, Danny..."
"No." The scientist's response was firm as he shook his finger in the air. "No."
"Ah, c'mon, you need a tree too!"
"You don't have a tree, Daniel?" Sam asked surprised.
"No, and I don't want one either, Jack, so just get that thought outta your head."
"Ah, c'mon, Danny! We've got everything for it. Why not? Carter'll help ya decorate it, won't ya, Carter?"
She nodded.
"I...I...really would rather not, Jack."
The soldier's face fell at his stubbornness. "All right, I guess we just trash it all."
"I said I didn't want it, Jack. I didn't say we have to trash it," Daniel responded softly.
"What do you mean?" Sam questioned.
"Do I smell gingerbread?" Daniel abruptly changed the subject.
"Yes. I baked some cookies to put on the tree and brought them along with some egg nog. I thought we'd have a decorating party, sorta," Sam finished lamely.
"Then why don't we?" Daniel questioned brightly.
"But you just said you didn't want a tree," Jack pointed out.
"I don't, but... Well, just gather up your stuff, Sam. And Teal'c, are those extra lights?" The Jaffa nodded. "Get those and Sam don't forget those cookies and 'nog. C'mon, Jack, pitch in."
The three exchanged puzzled looks as Daniel grabbed an armload of left over decorations and moved for the door. They moved to comply, their faces puzzled and within minutes they were headed up the icy road, Carter following Jack's jeep with her own vehicle.
Jack glanced sideways at the man beside him. "Mind tellin' me where we're goin?"
"Ah, go right at the next light," he directed a soft smile settling on his face.
Jack saw his expression and his frown deepened slightly. "Mind tellin' me what's going on behind those glasses?"
"Go left here," Daniel pointed at the intersection and Jack followed his direction, then parked when Daniel said to stop.
Jack looked out the window and a smile came to his face. Looking back at Daniel, he shook his head in disbelief. "I should have known."
They bounced from the jeep and Daniel ran to knock on the door as the other three began removing the tree and other things from the vehicles.
The woman who opened the door looked startled, then amazed as Teal'c and Jack pushed past her carrying in the tree. Sam followed, her arms laden with bags and boxes.
As they entered the sad looking room with its small, bedraggled. forlorn fake tree, Jack exchanged looks with Sam and saw tears brimming in her eyes. He felt suddenly misty himself and swiped at his eyes as he moved to carefully set the small tree aside.
Teal'c settled the bushy evergreen in its place and Jack quickly shed his coat and began digging in the boxes looking for lights to put on first. He looked up expectantly at Carter who still stood with her coat on.
"Sir, I saw the store down the road was still open and .... Sir, there's some things I forgot to get." She started for the door.
"Carter?"
She turned back to see Jack pulling out his wallet. He fished out several big bills, handing them to her. "I forgot something, too." he muttered softly, then, turning . "Teal'c, why don't you go with her, to help her carry things, okay?" They moved for the door and he called out, "Don't forget wrapping paper and tape!"
The woman who ran the place looked up in amazement at the fair haired young man who stood watching his friends. "I don't understand, young man. Why are you doing this?"
Daniel looked down at her, a small smile settling on his face. "Because it's Christmas," he uttered softly as he removed his coat and crossed to help Jack.
The soldier stopped to look at the scientist. He shook his head with a small smile of his own. "So you don't do Christmas, huh?"
Daniel shrugged as he dug in a box and removed a CD player Sam had tucked in. As he pressed play, Christmas music softly issued from the speakers.
"Why here, Danny?" Jack motioned around the somber room.
The younger man's voice was low as he struggled to explain. "Because I've been on the outside looking in through the lighted window, Jack." His expression was bittersweet. "And I'd hate for some homeless person to go by my place and look longingly at my tree..." He flashed a small smile and shrugged. "That's silly I know.."
Jack shook his head. "Seems to me for a guy who don't do Christmas, you got the spirit." He motioned toward the tree. "C'mon, let's show Carter we can decorate!"
Daniel's smile widened as he bent to help and shortly, after munching on gingerbread men, and candy canes - they were cracked or broken, Jack pointed out and not worthy of being on the tree, they stepped back to admire their handiwork.
"Ohhhhhhhhhhh!"
They turned to see a little girl standing in the doorway, her hand to her mouth, her eyes wide with big eyed surprise. "Ohhhhhhhhh!" she repeated. "It's beautiful!" she whispered.
Daniel moved to bent down on one knee beside her. "Hi."
She dragged her gaze from the tree and looked at him. "You're the man from the street. You was looking in the pretty window too."
He realized it was the little girl he'd seen earlier in the street. He nodded. "Where's your parents?" he asked softly.
"Daddy's in heaven and Momma's in our room. They gave us one coz it's Christmas," she proclaimed softly.
"Well, let's take you back there." He held out his hand and with childlike trust, she took it but as they turned to leave the room she looked at Jack and frowned.
"You're too old for an elf," she declared, causing Daniel to bit his lip to keep from laughing aloud..
She lead him down the hallway and at the closed door she indicated, he knocked softly. As it opened, the young woman looked startled at the sight of her daughter clinging to a strange man's hand.
"It's okay. She just wandered down in the rec room and..."
"They have a big, big tree! You gotta come see, momma! Come see!" She grabbed her mother's hand and literally dragged her down the hall. "See! See! Ain't it bea-ut-i-ful?"
The woman's eyes sparkled as she took in the sight of Jack placing the finishing touches on the transformed tree. And about that time, Sam and Teal'c entered, both laden with presents.
Seeing the little girl, Sam blurted out "Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas!"
The little girl gave her a startled look. "You're not Santa," she declared.
"Ah, no, we're his assistants. We.....delivered the gifts that are too big and too heavy to come down the chimney," Sam improvised.
The little girl looked suspiciously from her to Jack then nodded. "Okay.."
"What's you name?" Daniel asked softly.
"Abigail, but you can call me Abby."
Daniel turned to Sam. "Why don't you see if there's something in there for Abigail?" he prompted.
"Abby?" Jack called out. "Could you come here?"
She looked at her mother who nodded and slowly she crossed the floor to stand by the soldier.
"I can't quite reach the top. If I lift you up, can you put the star right there?" He pointed to the topmost branch., then handed her the silver star.
The little girl's eyes glowed as she whispered breathlessly, "Can I?"
Jack lifted her and carefully, with her little hands, she placed the star atop the tree. Her face glowed with such happiness, she looked like a little angel.
Daniel folded his arms across his chest and leaned in the doorway watching his friends, as the strains of I'll Be Home for Christmas filled the room. . And he knew that childish wish he'd made long years ago of happiness, and belonging and being loved had come true as he realized not all presents needed fancy paper and fancy bows. It was those which passed through the lighted window and found a place in the heart that meant the most.
Fin
