12 Days Of Christmas

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Day 1:

Dear Boudreaux, Thanks for de bird in de Pear tree.
I fix it las' night with dirty rice. I doan tink de pear
tree will grow in de swamp, so I swap it for a Satsuma.

Day 2:

Dear Boudreaux, You letter say you sent two turtle
doves, but all I got was two scrawny pigeons. Anyway, I mixed
dem with andouille an made some gumbo out of dem.

Day 3:

Dear Boudreaux, Why doan you sent some crawfish?
I'm tired of eating dem darn birds. I gave two of dose prissy
French chickens to Marie Trahan over at Grans Bayou an fed
the tird one to my dog Phideaux. Marie needed some sparring
partners for her fighting rooster.

Day 4:

Dear Boudreaux, Mon Dieux! I tol you no more
friggin birds. Deez four, what you call dem "calling birds", dey so
noisy you could hear dem all de way to Napoleonville. I used
dere necks for my crab traps, an fed de rest of dem to de gators.

Day 5:

Dear Boudreaux, You finally sen' somethin useful. I
like dem golden rings, me. I hocked dem at da pawn shop in
Thibodeaux and got enuf money to fix da shaft on my shrimp boat
an buy a round for da boys at de Raisin' Cain Lounge. Merci Beaucoup!

Day 6:

Dear Boudreaux, Couchon! Back to da birds, you coonass turkey!
Poor egg suckin' Phideaux is scared to death at dem six geases.
He tried to eat dems eggs and dey peck de heck out ah his snout.
Dey good at eating cockroaches, though. I may stuff one of
dem wit erster dressing on Christmas day.

Day 7:

Dear Boudreaux, I'm gonna wring your fool neck next time I saw
you. Thibeau, da mailman, is ready to kill ya. The merde from
all dem birds is stinkin' up his mailboat. He afraid someone will
slip on dat stuff and sue him good. I let those seven swans
loose to swim on de bayou and some duck hunters from
Mississippi blasted dem out of de water. Talk to you tomorrow.

Day 8:

Dear Boudreaux, poor ole Thibeau, he had to make tree trips
on his mailboat to deliver dem 8 maids a milkin and dem cows.
One of dem cows got spooked by da alligators and almost
tipped over da boat. I doan like dem shiftless maids, me no.
I tolt dem to get to work guttin fish and sweepin the shack but
dey say it wasn't in dair contract. Dey probably think dey too
good ta skin nutrias I caught las night.

Day 9:

Dear Boudreaux, You got to be outs you mind! If de mailman
doan kill you, I will fo sure. Today he deliver 9 half nekid
floozies from Bourbon Street. Dey said dey be "Ladies Dancin"
but dey doan act like ladies in front of dose Limey twits. Dey
almos left after one of dem got bit by a water moccasin over
by dat out-house. I had to butcher 2 cows to feed toute le
monde an had to get toilet paper; The Sears catalog wasn't
good enuf fer dose hoity toity Lords' royal behin.

Day 10:

Dear Boudreaux, What you trying to do huh? Thibeau had to
borrow the Lutcher ferry to carry dem jumpin twits you call
Lords-a-Leaping across the bayou. As soon as dey gots here
dey wanted a tea break with crumpets. I doan know what dat
means but I says, "Well La Di Da. You get Chicory coffee or
nuttin." Mon Dieu, Emile. What I'm gonna feed all dese bozos?
Dey too snooty for fried nutria, and de cows done eat up all
my turnip greens.

Day 11:

Dear Boudreaux, where y'at? Cheerio an pip pip. Your 11 pipers
piping arrives today from the House of Blues, second lining as
dey got off de boat. We fixed stuffed goose and beef jambalaya,
finished da whiskey and we having a fais-do-do. Da new mailman
he drink a bottle of Jack Daniel an he having a good time yeah
dancing with de floozies. Thibeau, he jump off de Sunshine
Bridge yesterday, screaming your name. If you get a mysterious,
ticking package in de mail, doan open it.

Day 12:

Dear Boudreaux, I sorry to tell ya but I not your true love no
more, me. After da fais-do-do, I spent de night with Jacques,
de head piper. We decide to open a restaurant and gentleman's
club on de bayou. The floozies, pardon me, Ladies dancing can
make $20 for a table dance, and de Lords can be waiters an
valet park de boats. Since de maids doan have no more cows
ta milk, I trained dem ta set my crab traps, watch my trotlines,
an run my shrimping business.

� A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE

The true meaning of the Twelve Days of Christmas

� From 1558 until 1829, Roman Catholics in England were not permitted to practice their faith openly.� Someone during that era wrote this carol as a catechism song for young Catholic children. The song has two levels of meaning: the surface meaning, plus a hidden meaning known only to members of their church. Each element in the carol has a code word for a religious reality which the children could remember.

� *A partridge in a pear tree was Jesus Christ.

� *Two turtle doves were the Old and New Testaments.

� *Three French hens stood for Faith, Hope and Love.

� *The four calling birds were the four gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.

� *The five golden rings recalled the Torah or Law,
the first five books of the Old Testament.

� *The six geese a-laying stood for the six days of creation.

� *Seven swans a-swimming represented the sevenfold gifts of the Holy Spirit:
Prophesy, Serving, Teaching, Exhortation, Contribution, Leadership, Mercy.

� *The eight maids a-milking were the eight beatitudes: Matthew 5:4-11
�� Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted,
�� Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
�� Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
�� Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
�� Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
�� Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.
�� Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
�� Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and
falsely say all kinds of evil against you - because of me."

� *Nine ladies dancing were the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit:
�� Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness,
�� Faithfulness, Gentleness, Self Control.

� *The ten lords a-leaping were the Ten Commandments.

� *The eleven pipers piping stood for the eleven faithful disciples.

� *The twelve drummers drumming symbolized the twelve points of belief in the Apostles' Creed.
�� "I believe in God, the Father Almighty, Creator of heaven and
�� earth. I believe in Jesus Christ, God's only Son, our Lord, who
�� was conceived� By the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary,
�� suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was
�� buried; he descended to the dead.� On the third day he rose
�� again; he ascended into heaven, he is seated at the right hand of
�� the Father, and he will come again to judge the living and the
�� dead.�� I believe� in the Holy Spirit, the holy catholic church,
�� the communion of� saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection
�� of the body, and the life everlasting. AMEN."

Remember - Jesus Is The Reason For The Season!