Rocker Storm Might Never Blow Over
By Bob Nightengale (Baseball Weekly)
ATLANTA -- John Rocker drove up in his truck at Turner Field, waved to the security guard and pulled right into the middle of the players' parking lot.
Rocker, dressed in a black warm-up suit, got out and casually strolled into the stadium. There were no security guards around him. Not a hint that anything has changed in his life.
"Why should anything be different?" he says, shrugging his massive shoulders. "I know who I am. And I'm not the person people are making me out to be."
If Rocker's life has been turned upside down and if he is fearful of what lies ahead, he sure is disguising it well.
Presidential candidates Al Gore and Bill Bradley have ridiculed Rocker in speeches. Seventy-five folks protested outside the CNN building demanding that the Braves immediately release him. And the former heavy metal band, Twisted Sister, asked the Braves to quit playing the song, I Wanna Rock when Rocker comes to the mound.
"I still don't know what that was about," says Rocker, the Atlanta Braves' closer. "When did that group break up, about 12 years ago? Give me a break."
Rocker, in his first interview with the print media since his racist remarks were published in Sports Illustrated in December, again apologized for his statements.
"I wish like hell I could take it back," Rocker told Baseball Weekly in the quiet of the Braves' clubhouse. "Guys know me. It's just that every now and then, like everybody else, I let my emotions get the best of me. That's what happened this time.
"All I can do is apologize to anybody and everybody I offended. I am sorry I ever said those things. It's unfortunate it happened, and I really regret it."
Sure, he says, it was stupid to make such sick and gross comments about foreigners, gays and a black teammate. He still isn't sure what made him utter such nonsense except that he was trying to needle New York fans. The humor exploded in his face.
"That's not me," he says. "Guys who know me, guys who have been around me, know I don't think that way. I definitely don't feel that way.
"They always say actions speak louder than words. Well, I'm confused because those words are speaking so much louder than my actions."
Rocker entered the clubhouse this day to gather a few items to send to teammate Eddie Perez for a charity fundraiser to help flood victims in Venezuela. He donated his own equipment and wrote a personal check. It was the third time this winter that he has participated or donated money to a charity event for Venezuelans.
"I want to help," Rocker says. "I mean, some of my best friends on the team are from Venezuela. Eddie Perez. Andres Galarraga. Ozzie Guillen.
"That's why I feel bad about all of this, because those guys are my friends. Come on, do you really think I hate foreigners?
"If I hated foreigners, I certainly wouldn't have had guys like Andruw Jones and Bruce Chen live with me at my parents' home (in Macon, Ga.).
"Those guys know me."
Certainly, if Rocker is a true-blue racist, there's considerable hypocrisy going on in his life.
Rocker's apartment complex is in one of the most diverse communities in all of Buckhead, a trendy suburb of Atlanta. His apartment is barely more than 60 feet, 6 inches away from Andruw Jones'. Galarraga will be living in the same complex this season. Guillen will be back once again. So will Perez.
"Why would I want to hang out with these guys if I was really a racist?" says Rocker. "I consider them all to be friends.
"My real friends know who I am. It's like with Andruw, I went to his apartment the other day to explain, and he didn't want to hear it. He told me, 'You don't have to say anything. I know you're not like that.'"
Still, you're talking about only one teammate. There's an entire nation that needs to be convinced, and a mob of folks that want Rocker severely punished.
Rocker, 25, still believes that no punishment is needed. He already underwent one day of psychological counseling, mandated by Major League Baseball, which he considered needless. He is aware that sensitivity training classes lie ahead.
Yet, the worse punishment of all already has been delivered.
He will have to live with this for the rest of his life.
He probably will be booed in every city, including his own, for the rest of his baseball career. He will be chastised, berated and threatened by fans from coast to coast. He will be spat upon, littered with debris and taunted in most ballparks this season.
He'll also have teammates who will never forgive him, refuse to talk to him again, and maybe even punch him.
Teammate Randall Simon, referred to anonymously as a "fat monkey" by Rocker, told Baseball Weekly that he will never accept Rocker's apology. He hated Rocker and his braggadocio antics before this incident. This only deepened the hatred.
"He said how we used to joke about that," said Simon, who's from Curacao. "He lied. We never joked about that. We never even had a relationship, so why would I joke about that?
"I heard he has asked for my phone number from the Braves, but why would I want to talk to him after what he said about all the Latin people, everyone from New York, and about me?"
Rocker, when asked about Simon's comments, politely declined to respond. He says he will address it with Simon, face to face.
The most troubling aspect of all, some say, is that he still doesn't appear to be humbled by the experience. It's as if everybody else in the world is wrong, and he is right.
And until Rocker appears to be remorseful for not only his racist comments, but for his disparaging view of the Braves' tranquil clubhouse atmosphere, the controversy might never go away.
"It won't stop until you guys (the media) decide to let it go," Rocker says. "But people love controversy. Controversy sells. I mean, I was in Miami at a charity game, and I guess (Mets shortstop Rey Ordonez) said some things about me.
"So some reporter comes up to me and says, 'Hey, did you hear what Ordonez said about you?' He was trying to stir up (stuff). I'm not going to get into that. You think I'm going to fall into a trap like that again?
"All I've got to do is try extra hard this year to prove that this is the real me."
Rocker, who saved 37 games last year in his first full season, still says he believes that everything will be all right. Sure, he will be a marked man wherever he goes, but he laughs at skeptics who believe he'll crumble under the pressure. He also insists he is not afraid of possible retribution from fans.
"Come on, do you think that will really happen?" he says. "You saw how they treated me when I pitched in New York. How can it get any worse than that? And nothing happened there. I went out in the city, went to restaurants, and no one said a word to me.
"It's going to be the same on the field. I throw 100 mph and I'm left-handed. That's not going away. Hitters are going to have to deal with that."
It's Rocker's talent, more than anything else, that has stopped the Braves from releasing or trading him. If he were a journeyman, or simply a middle reliever, he would have been gone overnight. Yet, his sheer talent makes him one of the most coveted commodities in the game.
If the Braves were to release Rocker, he wouldn't be unemployed more than 72 hours before teams would be knocking on his door making million-dollar offers.
"I know we'd take him," says one general manager of a perennial playoff team. "It might take some persuading of ownership, but he could play on my team. I mean, come on, it's not like nobody's gotten a second chance in this game.
"How many did Steve Howe get? Seven chances? And he was getting caught with drugs, a federal crime. With the lack of pitching out there, if someone on death row could throw 100 mph, he'd have a job in a minute."
The real problem, of course, is that racism is embedded in baseball. If baseball started to suspend or kick out every player, coach, manager, scout and front office executive that has made a racist remark, the game would be shut down.
There is a high-ranking baseball official today who spews out racist jokes as easily as saying, "Good morning." There is a baseball icon who utters racial slurs in almost any conversation on any subject. There is an All-Star player who insists Rocker said absolutely nothing wrong, but is bright enough not to share his belief publicly.
Former Los Angeles Dodgers executive Al Campanis, who shared his racist beliefs with the world during the infamous Nightline interview, actually opened the door, ever so slightly, to minorities in management positions.
Maybe Rocker's comments, 12 years after Campanis was fired for his beliefs, will subtly remind baseball that precious little has changed.
"I know I'll be all right," Rocker says, "I don't worry about that. If people just give me a chance, they'll see.
"I promise you that."
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