Sacramento Kings Announce New Game Plan! by the High Commander 6/3/02

(High as in Supreme, not like High on Weed or anything like that.)

The Sacramento Kings, after easily advancing to the Western Conference Finals decide to put a new game plan into play. It was so secret that no one knew about it, including the Kings! But now that the series is over, not one person doesn’t know it. Well what is it already, you may ask. First of all, you are not fit for the Sasquatch Militia if you don’t have more patience than that, you loser. For those of you still reading, the Kings decided to get a whole bunch of good players from other countries so they could get their ass kicked by the unstoppable LA Lakers. If the foreign players are so good, why did they lose, you may be asking yourself.

The answer is simple, my fellow Militia member. Shaquille O’Neil is really a full fledged Sasquatch. That’s right, Big Shaq Daddy isn’t human, he’s Sasquatch. We as the Sasquatch Militia did not inform you of this information because we knew it would jeopardize the Laker’s position to win the series. But we think that the Militia has promoted tolerance enough so that enough people will embrace the fact that Shaq is a Sasquatch and will help the Lakers cruise to an easy 3rd straight NBA Championship over the foolish humans from the Eastern Conference, the New Jersey Nets, led by NWO leader, Jason Kidd. So stop hating LA, bring out those purple and gold pom-poms, and cheer on the rightful champs the Lakers, led by Shaq, a full blooded Sasquatch and Kobe Bryant, a Sasquatch sympathiser like us humans here at the Sasquatch Militia Headquarters.