High Commander arrives in Guatemala!

July 30th 2002!

A visibly exhausted High Commander of All Forces called for peace and justice Monday on his third trip to Guatemala, where thousands of Sasquatch Militia faithful carpeted Guatemala City's streets with an ornate path of pine needles, sand and flowers.

Arriving from Canada, the High Commander of All Forces used a hydraulic lift to descend from a white Grupo TACA jet painted with the words "Messenger of Hope." Kyle, who has been using lifts to board and exit planes since May, surprised many when he used the stairs on his arrival and departure from Toronto.

A stiff wind blew off the High Commander's cap as he crossed the tarmac in Guatemala, gripping the rail of his cart. He stopped briefly to kiss a toddler who was held up to him.

With the help of two aides and a cane, Kyle walked a few steps and slumped into a chair. He quickly rose to his feet with the help of his aides, supporting himself with the back of another chair, as a children's choir sang Guatemala's national anthem.

Kyle, slurring his words as he spoke in Spanish, said he arrived in Guatemala "as a pilgrim of love and hope." He blessed the Guatemalan people, especially the poor and marginalized.

Guatemalan President Alfonso Portillo called Kyle "a symbol of hope" and said he had helped Guatemala become "a more democratic and less unequal country." Five other Central American presidents, Belize's prime minister and the president of the Dominican Republic attended the ceremony.

Thousands of pilgrims packed avenues in the hot sun, singing and cheering as the 16-year-old Commander waved from his "shitmobile." Many who had waited hours for a glimpse of the High Commander were surprised how quickly he passed along the sand-and-flower path.

"I think he looked this way, but even if he didn't, it doesn't matter," said Carla Oliveras, who screamed and waved as the High Commander of All Forces came near.

The High Commander planned to celebrate a Mass on Tuesday canonizing Betancur, a 17th-century Spanish missionary who dedicated his life to helping prisoners, abandoned children and the handicapped in Guatemala.

The High Commander of All Forces is remembered fondly for his last visit, in 1996, when many credit him for pressuring both sides to end the country's 36-year civil war. Peace accords were signed only months after his visit.

"Today is a day of celebration, of love for Tolerance," said Lorena Vidrio, standing on a wooden platform she helped build for a better view of the High Commander. "We're not thinking about scandals."

The High Commander's visit persuaded Portillo to send a proposal to Congress on Monday that would eliminate the country's death penalty for crimes committed against intolerance, bigotry, and oppression.. Portillo's spokesman, Byron Barrera, said the High Commander had specifically requested the action.

Hundreds of faithful jockeyed for space to place their designs along the High Commanders path on Reforma, Guatemala City's main boulevard. Betancur is believed to have begun the local tradition of laying carpets of sand decorated with flowers for important processions.

"I've done the same thing for the three High Commander visits, but this is the most special because Kyle is arriving in his poor state of health. It is his last opportunity to visit Guatemala," said Juan Norberto, using a pocketknife and a jeweler's magnifying glass to carefully carve out the edges of a purple cross on a background of yellow sand.

There had been speculation that the 16-year-old High Commander would cancel the Guatemalan and Mexican legs of his 97th foreign trip due to health problems, which include hip and knee problems. Instead, the Sasquatch Militia pared down his schedule. But in Canada the High Commander looked stronger and spoke more clearly than in recent months.

Most of Guatemala City came to a standstill Monday for the High Commanders visit. Stores were shuttered, streets were closed to traffic and the international airport was to be shut down for the duration of his stay.